Moving Forward
by alfyiskingly
Summary: I couldn't sleep one night so I started this dumb fanfiction where I put the Avengers in Texas. This story is from the viewpoint of a female reader (sorry guys). If you'd like to follow the story closer or just hear more from me (like what days I won't be updating), follow me on tumblr: ((ahomeforalfysfanfiction . tumblr . com))
1. Chapter 1

You sat quietly as five kittens romped and played around you. They chased each other into your lap and back out, running in a circle around you or. The mother, Misty, wanted nothing more than to be pet and loved on. She attempted to get into your lap, but her rowdy children crowded around her and mewed loudly. She may have wanted your attention, but they wanted hers more. You giggled as the kittens overcame their mother and she lay in the grass, defeated. You reached out to pet her gently, but just as your fingers touched her soft fur, you heard a parade of vehicles coming up the long driveway. You glanced back behind you, excited to see your father's truck followed by a few others coming towards the large house.

You and your father had expected your special guests for a few months now. Your father's 2nd cousin, Tony, had just called one day in the middle of November asking about a place to stay for a while. You hadn't gotten many details out of your father, but you knew that Tony was bringing his "herd of a family" with him. Being 24 and stuck out in the middle of Texas with only your father and some animals wasn't awful, but you got lonely sometimes. You hoped that Tony had a daughter or two. You didn't know anything about this family Tony was bringing, but you imagined a ton of kids and a beautiful wife. Maybe even a grandparent. You'd met Tony only once before in your life, and you had been a little kid so you had no idea what kind of family this man would have.

After the five hour phone call from his cousin in November, your father had to sit you down and try to prepare you. You remembered how he had been laughing a little but seemed worried about something at the same time. When he informed you that Tony was bringing family, you had asked all about them. All you got in return was the number of people coming and names. In all there would be seven new people in your home; Tony (of course), Steve, Natasha, James, Sam, Wanda and a man that father had called "Vision." You assumed it was some kind of nickname and that maybe he could just see really well.

As your father pulled up in his truck, you got up excitedly and ran towards him. You could see a line of other vehicles, much newer than your father's, pulling in around them. All the windows were heavily tinted and that struck you as odd for a moment, but you brushed it off. You jumped happily towards your father, who smiled brightly. You both fell into a hug. He had left a few days before to go pick up Tony and his family from the city. The city they flew in to was a day or so away, so they'd stayed in hotels on the way back, leaving you alone for about a week. You were beyond excited to finally have company, especially since the company was a group of people you'd never met before.

You heard a door open and you looked eagerly as a man you could only assume was Tony stepped out. You knew he was wealthy, but you didn't imagine he'd dress so sharply just to come home. He wore a full suit and tie with a pair of sunglasses that you decided must have cost more than your own small car. You waved happily, calling out to him, "Tony! Hey! It's been so long!"

He turned and gave you a smile. It definitely wasn't the typical warm Texas smile you were accustomed to, but it was a smile nonetheless and you took it. By now you were shaking from excitement; you'd never felt more ready to meet all these family members. You'd had so much time to imagine what they could be like and look like and you'd decided it would be a ton of kids and a wife (what you got, you'd realize later, wasn't far from your initial thoughts).

You were ready to be attacked by a swarm of children, similar to Misty and her kittens. What happened was just the opposite. The first person you saw was a very muscular man with blond hair and a terribly handsome face. Your breath was taken from you for a moment when he got out of his vehicle, smiling the most charming smile you'd ever seen. He waved to you and your father and you had to remind yourself to breathe, wave, and stop staring for God's sake, you would only embarrass yourself. You couldn't imagine which name belonged to him. _Maybe that's Vision...he's quite a sight!_ You laughed at your own little joke before seeing the other man that got out of Mr. Handsome's truck.

"Am I seeing double...?" you mumbled under your breath. This man had an equally impressive muscular frame, but his hair was longer and a dark brown. He was just as attractive as Mr. Handsome, but in such a different way. Handsome Man was boyish, charming and looked gentle and kind, like he would help you make a flower crown for yourself and go on a picnic for the first date. This next man looked rugged and intimidating, but not quite scary, and he seemed like a one-night-stand kind of guy you would meet at a bar. You also noted his impressively blue eyes. He wore all black and long sleeves, even wearing black gloves. _It's almost May and we're in Texas,_ you thought. _Who would be wearing long sleeves right now? How far North are they from?_ You decided that this could either be James or Steve because he certainly didn't look like he'd go by "Vision" or Sam.

Next, you watched as the two women climbed out of one of the vehicles. One woman, the taller of the two, wore all black like the James/Steve guy and seemed just as crazy in attire. She wore a slick catsuit and she seemed a little on edge. Her shoulder length red hair was in loose waves and perfectly framed her gorgeous face. The second girl seemed a bit younger and was dressed a little more appropriately. In comparison anyway. She wore jeans and a blouse with a jacket. You weren't sure why all these people seemed so obsessed with covering up. _They have to be from way up North, there's no way they aren't,_ you thought silently.

Before you could try and decipher which woman was Wanda and which one was Natasha, your attention was grabbed by the last truck. The first thing you noticed about the man that got out of the driver's side was that he was wearing normal clothes for Texas. He was dressed lightly, like Mr. Handsome. You guessed they were the only two that did their homework on how to dress on a Texan farm way out in the middle of nowhere.

Your attention was pulled away from everyone when Tony came over to you and your father. He smiled, he and father shook hands and exchanged greetings, during which you counted all of the adults (and no kids, sadly) that had emerged from the caravan. Then you stopped, furrowed your brows for a moment, and counted again. Mr. Handsome, James/Steve, Catsuit, Jacket, and the last man who now stood close to Mr. Handsome. Including Tony, that was only six people. You had been expecting seven. You looked to Tony with a confused expression. He glanced at you, back to your father and when your expression registered to him, he looked back to you.

"What? Is there something wrong with my hair?" he asked, reaching up to smooth out any stray hairs or mishaps.

"No," you laughed a little. Conceited much? "I was wondering where the seventh person is. Is it Sam that's missing?"

"No, Sam is over there with Steve and Bucky," a voice came from your left. You looked to see the catsuit redhead walking your way. She stretched out her hand and offered an introduction to you, which seemed contradictory to the way she looked. "My name is Natasha."

You took her hand and smiled politely. "My name is [Y/N]." Your father took her hand next while you looked around her at the group she'd gestured to.

 _Bucky?_ You tried to decide which one could be Bucky when Handsome man turned and caught you staring. You could feel your cheeks redden and you immediately looked down. A moment later he was walking towards where you stood with Tony, Natasha and your father. He smiled his charming, heart-melting smile and followed Natasha's lead. You shook his outstretched hand as he introduced himself as Steve. _So then who is this Vision person if it's not you?_ The question sat in your head while the other two men came over to you and your father. You quickly found out that the punk rockstar guy was Bucky, which felt like an odd name for such a look. Sam had a similar charming smile and kind demeanor as Steve and you decided that you liked those two already. The other woman seemed to linger near the truck Sam had come from. You cocked your head slightly but figured she may have been shy or something.

After most everyone introduced themselves to you and your father, Tony explained that this was his team, but he considered them family (you swore you heard a scoff from someone after Tony said family). You and your father were quick to let everyone inside the house, offering drinks, snacks, and directions to their rooms. You had been in charge of assigning who would sleep in what guest room/extra space and now that you knew they weren't a band of children you were a little worried about the layout. You had put Steve, James and Vision all in one room in your little planner but now decided that their massive muscles would need more space than that. Quickly you went over the plan in your head and made small adjustments before leading everyone up the stairs. As you walked down the hall you pointed to each room, announcing where your guests would be staying.

"Steve, you and...Sam will be in this room," you said with mild confidence, hoping you'd chosen good roommates for each other in your last minute switch up. You heard a quick high five behind you and smiled to yourself. _Good job, me_ , you thought as you high fived yourself in your head. Pointing to the room across the hall you announced, "Natasha, here's your room. Wanda's will be next door," you said half to yourself and half to Natasha. You were given a quick nod, a thank you, and Natasha disappeared into the room quickly. As you glanced back to watch, you could see Bucky looking longingly towards the room Steve and Sam were entering. You looked back ahead of you and frowned a little, feeling bad that you may have left a friend out.

As you rounded the corner of the hall, you gestured to the nicest guest room in the house. "Tony, here is your room," you announced, turning around to see him already inspecting it. His expression made him seem critical, but he smiled and thanked you. All that was left in the hall were you and Bucky and you suddenly felt nervous. _Don't be awkward, you want these people to like you,_ you thought. Right then, Bucky stopped looking about the hallway and settled his eyes on you. You blushed suddenly and blurted out, "I'm sorry you didn't get put in the room with Steve and Sam!"

A small grin crept onto his face and he chuckled. "It's alright, I'll take whatever rooms you have available."

His voice fit his appearance perfectly, you noted. Quickly turning around, you looked down the hallway. There were two guest rooms left in your large home, but only one of them was on this floor. It was the one right next to your room. Trying to think quickly but not be awkward, you decided he might as well stay in that one. This mysterious "Vision" would have to hike to the third floor for his room.

You pointed down the hall in the general direction of what would be his door. "You can stay in that room. It's a little small compared to the others, but if you want there's-"

"Small is fine. Thank you," he cut you off suddenly but it didn't feel aggressive. It almost felt like he just wanted to save you from your own awkward rambling. You smiled slightly and let him pass you to get to the door. You were about to go back downstairs to check in with your father when you noticed that Bucky had stopped in front of your bedroom door. He reached to open it and you shouted just as he turned the knob.

"Wait! That's my room!"

Bucky looked at you innocently. "Oh. Sorry," he said quietly, stepping over to the door right next to yours. He reached for the knob, but looked at your first. His face told you that he was waiting for approval, just to be sure he wasn't entering the wrong room again. Your face was a bit red but you nodded. He smiled and then went into his room. As soon as the door shut, you facepalmed. _Why did you yell? He was 8 feet away, you could have used your inside voice._


	2. Chapter 2

As dinner time was quickly approaching, you now faced a new challenge: making a meal for nine people. You were so used to just making food for two, and you already knew what you and your father liked to eat. Now you had a whole house full of people to please and you didn't know if they were vicious carnivores, vegetarians, or if they were used to eating a bowl of cereal for a meal.

You moved around the large kitchen, taking stock and trying to decide what you would have enough of to feed so many. You decided that pasta would be best since you had plenty and you could do a lot of different things with it. You were tempted to just go around asking how everyone would want it prepared, but it would take too long. Tony was in the study with your father. Steve, Bucky and Sam had gone out to look around the place. Natasha hadn't left her room since you showed her where it was. And Wanda was still out by the truck, talking into an open door. You weren't able to see whoever was in the truck, but you could only assume it was Vision.

After getting out all of the necessary materials, you set them out in a particular way and went to the stereo. You figured that if you played your music at a medium volume then it wouldn't disturb anyone. You smiled and took your phone out of your pocket, opening your music and going to your favorite playlist. No one knew about your favorite playlist because you knew you'd probably get picked on a little. Singing along to musicals all day wasn't usually what someone envisioned a girl living way out in the country doing. But you always played these songs when you were home, bouncing around and singing loudly along. You began cooking and singing, being careful to keep it down just in case Tony or Natasha heard you.

Half an hour later, you were putting finishing touches on all the food, preparing a buffet on the island that separated the kitchen and the dining room. You had let yourself get lost in the music just enough to not hear Steve, Sam and Bucky come back inside from the front door. The music must have led them to the dining room because when you turned around to place more food on the island you nearly had a heart attack. You jumped and nearly dropped the plates you help at the sight of the three standing in the dining room staring at you. Steve and Sam were smiling and clapping like they had enjoyed the show. Bucky had a small grin on his face but his arms were crossed. You set the plates on the counter and turned the music down, turning to face the boys again. _Get out of this without being weird,_ you thought.

"God, guys. You scared the hell outta me," you laughed at yourself, Steve and Sam chuckling as well. You leaned on the island over the food. "Dinner's almost ready if you guys wanna go wash up." For some reason you felt more confident with Steve and Sam around than you did with just Bucky.

Steve and Sam smiled again and nodded as you pointed them to the restroom down the hall. Bucky lingered. You gave him a curious look before quickly turning back to what you had been doing. "Aren't you gonna wash up?" You heard a quiet grunt but you didn't hear him leave. "What are you, scared of wate-" you turned around, but he was gone. _Weird guy,_ you thought. _Why do I feel so nervous around him?_

Steve and Sam came back into the dining room before long and behind them trailed Bucky, Natasha, and Tony. You smiled to them all, trying your hardest to be a gracious and welcoming host. You pointed out what food was what and where they could get napkins and silverware.

"Got anything to drink around here?" you heard Tony question as he inspected the kitchen.

"We have sweet tea, water and dad's got some beer," you listed. You could see Tony's look shift from judgemental to disappointed.

Tony took a glass of water and took the place at the head of the table. Steve gave him a look and sat at the opposite end of the table, Sam and Bucky sitting on either side of him. Natasha sat on Tony's right and you knew your father would want to sit on his left. As you waited for your father to come in from the study, Wanda finally wandered into the house. She was quiet when she entered the dining room and didn't look at anyone in particular as she took the seat next to Natasha. She hadn't even gotten any food, but you didn't want to say anything.

Finally, your father came in and nodded to Tony when he entered. He smiled to you and you talked for a minute while he fixed his plate. When he took the seat to the left of Tony, you realized that you were now stuck between him and Bucky. You reluctantly made your plate, thinking to yourself, _damn, I should have just sat next to Sam before Wanda came in._ You took your seat, feeling awkward as you were the last one to sit down. You edged into your chair, trying to avoid touching Bucky's arm. His muscles protruded into your bubble, so you turned your body slightly so that you faced your father a bit more. You could hear someone snicker, and you blushed a little. _Stop embarrassing yourself, damn it!_ Suddenly you realized that everyone had been waiting to start eating and you had thought it was because you and your father hadn't been at the table. Now you were sitting and still no one was eating. _What's going on? Do they all hate it already? Do they think I'm a bad cook? Oh God,_ you thought.

Tony must have seen your face because he cleared his throat and stood up. You looked up at him as he waited for everyone's attention.

"Well, everyone, let's all thank [Y/N] and Kyle for graciously inviting us to stay here while we're, well, on vacation." You heard an odd strain on the word vacation but you paid little mind to it. "I suppose now would be a good time to let [Y/N] know about who we are so we can let Vision come inside," Tony laughed.

"Tony, should we really do that?" Natasha questioned quietly. She had an urgent look about her, like she didn't like what she'd heard.

"Of course we should! We'll be staying here long enough that she would find out on her own eventually. Kyle gave me the go-ahead to let her know," Tony continued. _Let me know what?_ You knew your face gave away your thoughts because Steve stood up as well, facing you.

Steve spoke with a kinder voice than Tony's matter-of-fact way of speaking. "Well, you see, [Y/N], we aren't...normal."

Bucky scoffed and Sam chuckled. Wanda seemed uncomfortable.

"[Y/N], I know it sounds strange," Steve continued, "but we're...superheroes."

Your brow furrowed. All eyes were on you and you were still processing what you were being told. _Are they making fun of me? This is a joke, right?_ You glanced to your father, who nodded in agreement to Steve's statement.

"Superheroes?" you questioned quietly. You were waiting for someone to yell out that you were being pranked and for them all to start laughing.

"Yeah, superheroes," Sam chimed in. "Bad guy beating, wall smashing, tight jumpsuit wearing superheroes."

You didn't even know these people. Why were they trying to pull pranks already? Why was your father going along with it? You turned to face him again and he gave you a look that said they were telling the truth. You furrowed your brows again and looked around you.

"You guys. Superheroes," you stated, half in disbelief and half in humor. They all nodded. "Okay, so wait. Can I guess your powers? You all have powers, right?" You still weren't fully believing them, but you didn't want to be the butt of the joke anymore. Maybe if you could make them laugh with your own jokes they would see that they don't need to pull pranks to have fun.

You pointed to Steve. "You're super strong, that's a given." You gestured to Bucky. "Him too." You stared at Sam for a moment and said, "you've gotta have super intelligence or something." You looked to Wanda and didn't give it a second thought, "you've got invisibility or stealth. You have to, I haven't seen you all day." You paused for the chuckles you were aiming for and Steve didn't let you down. You looked to Natasha. "Maybe you're stealthy too. You dress kinda like a ninja or a thief," you said nonchalantly. And finally you looked at Tony and casually blurted out, "is super wealth a power, because I'm sure you've got that."

Sam and Steve laughed, you could tell Bucky was grinning, and Tony gave a sarcastic smile. Your father took your hand gently. "[Y/N], I know it's hard to believe, but they're telling the truth. They're staying with us because their base was compromised and they needed a hideout where they wouldn't be found. I know I keep you cooped up here too often for you to really know who they are, but they're known superheroes. Have you never heard someone say Captain America?"

You looked down for a moment. You hadn't had much human interaction beyond your dad in years. After getting an associates in college, you'd returned home to help your father run the ranch. Any time you went into town, you didn't talk much, or listen to gossip or news. You shook your head at him and he nodded towards Steve.

"That's the captain, right there."

You looked back at Steve. Now that it had been said, you could picture this man defending America. Those muscles had to be good for something, right? He gave his charming smile and you felt a little bad now for trying to retaliate with humor. Maybe they were being serious.

Just then, Tony chimed in again. "Well, I guess in order to prove it, we'll just have to bring Vision in here."


	3. Chapter 3

You quietly sat on an older wooden sawhorse out in one of the pastures. The early morning sun was shining to your right and you held up your hand to shield your face. You were concentrating on Natasha and Steve. They were fighting each other out in the pasture as if it were nothing and it took all you had not to stare at them with your mouth hanging open.

You'd finally met Vision the night before after Tony took you outside to where the man was still sitting and waiting patiently in the truck. You had gawked at him for a minute and then profusely apologized for being rude. He had been very kind and forgave you, telling you that he understood why you would stare. He pointed out that it would take time for you to adjust to all these super beings living in close proximity. You were thankful that at least one of these people understood that you were freaking out on the inside.

 _Superheroes? What the hell? Real, actual, in the flesh superheroes. Where did Tony find these people?_

Dinner had gone somewhat smoothly after meeting the last member of your new temporary family. Aside from Bucky and Sam bickering and Tony sneaking in a complaint disguised as a compliment here and there, the night was a good one. As you had watched and listened to the people around you, you had been able to push back the weird superhero news and just take in what it was like to finally be around people again. You'd enjoyed yourself and you hoped that everyone else could find a worthy home here.

Now, you were trying to keep up with the speed at which Steve and Natasha were moving. Their fighting looked almost like a foreign dance to you. They moved with such precision and grace, and you could barely tell what was happening half the time. You'd see Natasha overpowering Steve at one moment and in the next she would suddenly be on the ground. And while you had silently giggled at Steve's huge shield before the fight, you could now see why it was so advantageous.

Sam was next in showing you what he could do. He wore a large mechanical backpack and you were beyond curious about what it could possible contribute to whatever powers he had. Once he released his wings, however, you realized that this backpack was his powers. He launched himself into the air, using his wings to basically become a bird. You watched him soar around in the sky in awe. Suddenly Vision joined him in the sky. You hadn't realized they were all pegged to fight each other until Sam headed straight for Vision with fists ready. You weren't exactly sure what punching in the sky would be like, and you were expecting Vision to get knocked back until suddenly he was translucent. Sam flew right through his opponent and looped around, landing somewhat gracefully.

"Hey, you can't go pulling that," Sam complained upwards towards Vision.

Vision landed with a soft thud in the grass. "My apologies."

They continued to fight and you watched in amazement. After another 10 minutes, your father came over and leaned over the sawhorse next to you. He smiled and nudged you. "Bet you didn't think I could be friends with a superhero, huh?"

You smiled and shook your head, looking down. "Dad," you started. "How long have you known about all this?"

He moved around the sawhorse and leaned back on it, putting himself directly next to you while still facing the fight. "Well, hun, I've known Tony for a long time. We used to be a bit closer than we are now, and he used to tell me every once in a while about some new gadget he was cookin' up. Then I started hearin' in the news about some gang of heroes fightin' off some bad guys and when I heard Tony's name, I knew it was that Tony. My cousin."

"So they're actual superheroes that are known around the world and have a secret base and everything, huh," you thought aloud.

"Yup. But while they're here, they're mostly just people," your father continued, standing up straight and stretching. "They'll keep up their trainin' out here and Tony may be in and out at times, but at the end of the day, they are here for the safety. So they shouldn't be doin' much to blow their cover."

You watched the training for over two hours. Wanda showed off her telekinetic abilities, Sam proved that he was just as good as the rest, Natasha pulled a ton of stealth moves on the others, Steve constantly showed off his immense strength, Vision seemed like a magician's dream, and even Tony went hand to hand for a while. He constantly pointed out that he was at a disadvantage without his suit, but he managed to hold his own. Everyone seemed comfortable being themselves with you watching. Everyone, of course, except for Bucky. When he was up to train with someone, he always seemed to be holding back. He went mostly defensive and acted very careful of his left arm. You could sense that he was uncomfortable about something, especially since he kept glancing at you and checking his arm. You tried to figure out what could be wrong. You usually prided yourself in you observance skills, but you just couldn't figure him out. _Is he hurt? Maybe he's recovering from a pulled muscle or a broken bone...Is he checking his arm, or his sleeve?_ You did notice one thing: he seemed to be checking the fabric covering his arm more than the arm itself. He only appeared to check on himself after he took a blow to it. He stuck it out for defense most of the time, and you decided that it must be habitual because he was always concerned with it after defending himself. _Weird._

After seeing what everyone was capable of, you left the team to finish training while you started on your daily chores. You visited the horses, cleaned hooves, restocked hay, brushed them, and cleaned the stables. You knew your father had already taken care of the cows, so you went out to take care of the pets. You made sure Misty and her kittens had food and water, cleaned their bed and gathered the few toys that were scattered. Misty wasn't one for playing with toys, but you knew the kittens loved them. Next, you checked on the family dog, a small, red Australian Cattle Dog. You knew she'd be back from the fields by now. She always followed your father out in the mornings, but never failed to be back by lunchtime.

Once you cared for the animals, you headed inside to start on lunch. Still not having gone shopping to feed a group, you had to search for something that could feed 9 plus seconds. You'd noticed the night before how many times Steve and Bucky got up for more, and there were no leftovers when the meal was finished. It didn't shock you so much now after having seen them fight. You figured they had to get fuel somehow. _So what would be good to fuel them today?_ You imagined they would be extra hungry after spending all morning training, but you couldn't seem to find anything good enough by itself. Upon that observation, you had the idea to just cook everything. _Maybe not everything_ , you thought, _but mostly everything._

By the time you were done there were burgers, chicken breasts, a variety of vegetables, cheesy potatoes, rice, and a casserole. _And cookies for good measure_ , you thought as you scanned the island. Everything was out and ready to be eaten. Maybe it was an odd combination, but at least you knew everyone would have a choice. You stepped out onto the back side of the wrap-around porch and peered out into the pasture where training had been taking place. You saw a few figures and you leaned against one of the wooden columns of the porch. You decided to watch for a few minutes instead of disturbing them in the middle of a round. _I'll just wait until they switch out._

You smiled to yourself, thinking about these people. "They're an odd bunch," you thought aloud. "But it's nice to have them here."

"Well, it's nice to have you here too!"

You jumped out of your skin at the sudden voice. You jerked your head to see Steve, Bucky and Sam walking around the side of the house. You took in a breath, embarrassed that he'd heard you. _Great, you're being weird again!_ Steve laughed as he came over and stood next to you. Sam and Bucky practically raced each other to stand next to Steve. Sam won, moving in place much faster than Bucky could, so Bucky opted to sit in one of the rocking chairs.

"Tony found a nice place to lay low. It helps to have such wonderful hosts," Steve said, smiling while facing the pastures. You blushed a little, but you weren't sure if it was embarrassment or just that this incredibly handsome man just complimented you. "So, how long have you two been out here?"

The question almost took you by surprise. You were never asked about yourself or your personal life anymore. "Um..well, when I was 15 my grandpa got really sick. This place was his for the longest. He called Kyle out here to inherit it when he passed away."

"You call your dad by his first name?" Sam asked.

"Oh..yeah..we're, uh...well, I mean, it's been just us out here, ya know? He's more than just my dad, he's my best friend. He's been my friend for a long time, so I guess I just started calling him Kyle instead of dad one day." _Damn it, that's weird, isn't it?_ "Kyle got the ranch when I was 16 and so I moved out here with him."

"How old are you? Why aren't you in college or something?" Even after a full day with all these people, Bucky's voice still surprised you. You constantly forgot when he was around just because he was always so quiet.

"I went to a junior college when I got out of high school. I only went long enough to get my associates, though. I couldn't really decide on what I wanted to do and Kyle always talked about the ranch being extra lonely since I left, so I just figured I would come back and spend some time out of college. A year break turned into a three year break, and here I am, 24 and working a ranch with no friends and no foreseeable future other than this." You sighed a little at the end of your sentence. Saying it out loud sure didn't make you feel much better about it. "I love Kyle and all, but sometimes I wonder if coming back was best," you said. You were speaking more to yourself than to the guys. You looked down, a thoughtful but sad expression on your face.

Steve, being the ray of sunshine that he is, nudged you with his elbow. "Hey now, don't get down. You're doing a great job out here. It's beautiful and I'm sure you'd miss it if you left."

You smiled slightly. "Sure, I'd miss it. Who wouldn't miss this?" You gestured out at the fields and the animals. You sighed quietly, lowering your head again. _I guess I'd miss it._

You felt a hand on your shoulder and looked up. He was still looking out over the ranch, but you could tell that he knew what you were feeling. His touch was comforting.

"I smell lunch," Sam chimed. You laughed and herded the boys inside. They filed in like kids and the excitement they had over the food made you smile.

The moment may have been brief, but you felt a connection with these guys. Especially Steve. You felt exceedingly grateful that Tony had brought them here.


	4. Chapter 4

As the week passed, you became very fond of Steve, Sam and Bucky. The trio kept you laughing when they were around and had you smiling at their antics no matter how crazy they got. One day, while you were out tending to the potted plants on the porch, you looked up to see them on the roof. You watched for a minute and heard one of them mention that they were having a jumping contest. You had no idea what that meant when you heard them say it, but what they did was try and leap off of the building and see who landed the furthest away. You stared in disbelief at how reckless and childish they were being. Natasha had walked out onto the porch and, after being greeted by her teammates quite literally throwing themselves off the roof, she mumbled "idiots" and went back inside. _I guess if they've been superheroes all this time, they never had the chance to be immature and have fun,_ you reasoned with yourself.

Over a week had gone by now and you could see that your father had warmed up to everyone. Enough, in fact, that he came to you one morning after you'd come back from the stables and told you that he would be spending the next few days on a fishing trip with some friends. Fishing trips for him were always few and far between, and you knew he never went because he never wanted you to get too lonely, so you were happy for him to go. _It's much needed and he'll finally have his chance to relax,_ you thought when he'd told you. _It just means that I'll have some major babysitting to do,_ your thoughts continued as you passed Sam and Steve's room and saw how messy it'd gotten. You debated going inside and cleaning up a bit, but you didn't want to invade their personal space. _I'll just have to get onto them about cleaning up after themselves._

That same day at lunch Tony made a similar announcement. He planned to take Vision with him to the city for unspecified reasons. Wanda had also decided to tag along. They would be leaving that night. As he was announcing this, Natasha had come into the room. When Tony was through speaking, Natasha chimed in, "well, if everyone is going out, I might as well go pay a friend a long overdue visit." And with that, she disappeared from the room and within the hour she was gone.

"Wow, everyone really seems to want to get out of the house," you spoke to yourself when everyone had dispersed from the dining room.

The voice that often surprised you spoke up happily. "We aren't going anywhere!"

"Steve, you're gonna have to start announcing when you enter a room," you laughed, recovering from your sudden fright. You turned and saw Steve standing in the doorway with Bucky and Sam in the living room behind him. Steve laughed with you and walked over to the table, helping you clean up the after-lunch mess that had been left out. "I'm glad I won't be all alone here for the next few days," you confessed to Steve.

"What are friends for?" You caught his smile in the corner of your eye. _What a charmer._

That night, after dinner was over and everyone that was leaving had left, you found yourself with nothing to do. You wandered aimlessly around the house for a while until you came to the living room where the boys had sat themselves in front of the TV. You weren't really one for sports, so you only stopped for a moment. Sam glanced up at you and gave you a little grin, patting the empty place on the couch between him and Steve.

You smiled back. "No thanks, I'm more of a stargazer myself."

"You going out to look at stars? Count me in," Steve said, lifting himself off the couch.

Sam followed Steve's lead. "I'll come too, just as long as I don't have to get near any cow shit," he mumbled. You giggled to yourself, recalling the multiple times Sam had found himself standing in a pile of shit over the past week.

"Buck, you coming?" Steve questioned.

Bucky stretched and yawned. "Nah, I'm going to bed."

Sam grabbed the remote and shut off the TV. The boys said their goodnights to Bucky and followed you out to the fence that blocked off the currently empty pasture. The cows usually made their way towards the pond at night, which was a few acres out. You climbed onto the fence, positioning yourself with one leg on either side. You sat this way so that you could see the moon to your left, but still talk to Sam and Steve who stood to your right.

The boys leaned on the fence, staying in front of you, and the three of you made general small talk at first. After a few minutes, however, Steve (as usual) managed to lead the conversation to something meaningful and deep.

"So, [Y/N], you said that you went to college for a time. What was your major?"

"It was theater," you chirped. "Musical theatre."

"Is that why we always walk in on you dancing and singing?" Sam asked, laughing.

You giggled. "Yeah, that would be why. I may have left the stage, but it never seems to leave me."

"Why did you chose that?" Steve questioned.

You paused, suddenly feeling a lump in your throat. You tried to answer, but it was difficult. "I uh...I was, um..." _Don't do this now, it's just a simple question._ "I was kind of following in my mom's footsteps..for a little while.." You swallowed hard. _Why do you let this get to you every time?_

Steve, having realized his question triggered something within you, was quick to apologize. "I'm so sorry, [Y/N], I didn't mean-"

"It's fine," you cut him off. You blinked a few times to keep your eyes from watering and cleared your throat. "You know, talking about it would probably help me. Like a therapeutic kind of help," you tried to laugh. You smiled, but it was a strained smile. "Don't worry too much about it," you sighed, looking Steve in the eyes for a moment. "It always happens like this, any time I get reminded of her."

Sam and Steve appeared to have the same idea: they both moved over to you, rubbing your knee and taking your hand briefly, trying to comfort you in various little ways. You sniffled, took a deep breath and smiled. "I'll tell you about her," you stated.

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah, maybe talking about her some will help me." You dabbed your eyes on your shirt sleeve and looked out over the field, thinking. "She was a wonderful dancer," you recalled. "I wanted to be able to dance as gracefully as she did. She let me do yoga with her in the mornings when I was little. I was never as good as she was, but it was fun to me. She was a gymnast and a dancer- oh! And she had the most wonderful voice I'd ever heard. I always aspired to have the range she did. Boy, it was something." You smiled fondly. "She was never much good at acting, but she managed to get herself cast in musicals all the time. Background dancers are just as important as the named cast," you informed the boys and they raised their eyebrows, nodding in agreement.

You put a hand behind you on the fence, leaning back and keeping balance. "She always told me one bedtime story in particular. It was the Velveteen Rabbit, my favorite. I had my own little stuffed rabbit that I pretended was real sometimes," you smiled and shook your head. "She wasn't a very good cook, so I tried to learn my best so that I could cook for her and Kyle. She almost burned our house down once. But even then she could laugh at the situation and keep us in high spirits. That was probably her favorite thing to do: make Kyle laugh. Damn," you sighed heavily. "She loved that man to the ends of the earth. When I came into the picture, she only loved he and I more. She was so bent on keeping us happy." Your voice caught in your throat.

Steve rested his hand on your knee again. He smiled up at you and reached out to wipe one of the many tears that were now streaming down your face. Sam rubbed your back and held your hand. You laughed aloud at yourself. "I'm such a mess," you managed to get out through your mixture of laughing and crying. "She was a great woman," you said, breathing in heavily. You wiped your tears and put your hand on Sam's shoulder. "You two aren't so bad either."

They chuckled together but you could tell they were still a little concerned. Steve, in a sudden effort to change the subject, suggested, "how about we get up and help you out tomorrow morning? With your dad being gone and all, I'm sure you could use it." Sam gave him a concerned sideways glance but Steve ignored him. "We could use something to do around here and it might at well be helpful."

You smiled and looked down. "Sure, but I don't know if you want to get up at 4:30 A.M."

"Sure we do!" Steve said enthusiastically while Sam grumbled. "We do," Steve reaffirmed in Sam's direction.

"Well then, I'll be by y'all's room to get you up, 4:30 on the dot."

Steve's smile was even more charming in the moonlight. "We'll let Buck know the plan."

"You may be better off letting him sleep in. I don't think he would be too fond of early morning farm work," you chuckled.

"You're not wrong," you heard Sam mumble. Steve elbowed him playfully and laughed.

"We'll get him up. He has to adapt like the rest of us. Anyway, we should get some rest if we're supposed to be up that early. Be sure and get some rest yourself, and don't hesitate to let us know if you need anything. We'll see you in the morning, [Y/N]."

"Bright and early," you called after them as they headed off in the direction of the house. Steve called back, repeating your words. You could hear their chattering fade as they walked off. You turned back towards the pasture, looking out and seeing a few silhouettes of horses in the moonlight. You took in a deep breath and tilted your head back, closing your eyes. You loved this new company you had, but nothing could beat even a few moments of a quiet, clear night in the country. Especially if your mind had wandered to your mother that day.

Not five minutes later, you thought you heard heavy footsteps coming from the direction of the house. You lowered your head and opened your eyes. _Steve?_ you thought. But upon further inspection, you saw long hair and dark clothing. _Bucky._ He seemed to be approaching quickly. His arms looked tense and his face was dark. In the light of the moon you could see an angry look on his face. You furrowed your brows and swung your left leg over the fence, now sitting and facing Bucky. As he got closer you could see his eyes now, and they looked empty. You felt your chest tightened and you were about to hop down from the fence but then Bucky got within arms reach of you. He pulled back and shot his fist towards you with full force. You instinctively leaned back, he was only centimeters from making contact. His fist missed your head, but as soon as his arm was bent he rushed forward and knocked you backward off the fence. You fell and landed with a thud that knocked all the air out of your lungs.

Your eyes widened as you attempted to inhale. You tried to move, but your body was struggling for air and you felt an actual pain in your chest now. After a moment you gasped and air filled your lungs. Bucky leapt over the fence and landed right next to where you were still laying. You used your elbow to lift yourself and roll quickly out of the way as his left fist came crashing down where your head had been. Now on your stomach, you picked yourself up onto your hands and knees. You glanced over with the intent to look at his face but instead you saw something that struck fear into you. His fist had left a crater in the grassy dirt. If he had hit you, you would have been dead for sure.

Your eyes were wide and your mouth hung open as you stared. You glanced to his face just in time to see his other fist coming at you fast. You rolled again but felt him make contact with your left shoulder blade. You couldn't keep from crying out in pain, but you knew you had to get away from him. You used the momentum from his fist to help you stand. You tried to gain balance and began sprinting parallel to the fence. You remembered watching him fight in the pasture before and you knew you could never outrun him, but you also knew that he wasn't the most agile person in the world.

Just as you had thought out your plan, you heard a voice from your right. "Buck!" You looked over and saw Steve sprinting faster than humanly possible in your direction. In the same moment, you happened to get a glance at Bucky, who was closing in fast. You knew you had to make a move, Steve wouldn't get to you in time. So you did something that you only saved for emergencies.

You passed the next fence post and immediately dropped your weight, letting your legs slide out from beneath you. Your heels dug into the ground in front of you and you flattened your body as much as you could. Once you were low enough, you rolled under the fence, losing a little control over yourself and rolling more than you had intended. Once you were able to stop yourself, you got on your belly and launched yourself up with your arms. You knew you weren't out of the woods yet, there was just a huge wooden fence in Bucky's way now. Steve was now by your side, helping you regain yourself. He pushed you off towards the house, silently encouraging you to continue running, and then he turned back to handle his monster of a friend.

Now getting out of breath, you pushed yourself but could only manage a little more than a jog. You felt a little better knowing that Steve was in between you and your apparent pursuer. You weren't sure how Bucky had reacted to your little maneuver, and you thought he would have just hopped the fence again or that maybe Steve got there first. However, you realized how wrong you were when you heard the loud snapping and cracking of Bucky literally just ripping through the fence. Adrenaline and fear pumped through your veins and you breathed so heavily that it felt like it was slowing you down. You saw Sam running out of the house, gesturing for you to get inside. He ran past you and towards whatever chaos was ensuing behind you. You were too afraid to look. You started to trip on your way up the porch steps and you fell into the open door. Pushing yourself back up, you cried out at the pain in your shoulder. You ran into the kitchen and sat down with a thud on the tile floor, leaning back with another thud onto the cabinets. You winced again as your shoulder made contact. Your hand flew up to it and your eyes darted around. You tried with all your might to settle your breathing and calm down, but you could still hear Steve and Sam shouting outside, getting closer. You closed your eyes and willed your body to calm down, but not before Bucky shoved his way back into the house.

"Buck, wake up! Snap out of it! You're dreaming!" You heard Steve shouting. _Dreaming? How does someone sleep walk so aggressively?_ You used your right arm to push yourself up again and you grabbed the counter to steady yourself. Just then Bucky stormed into the kitchen. He glared at you with his empty eyes and you whimpered. _Whatthefuckwhatthefuckwhatthefuck_.

Steve rushed Bucky from the side and you took this opportunity to run into the dining room. Bucky shoved Steve off of him, getting up and crashing through the kitchen towards you. On his way through, he grabbed a knife that had been laying in the sink with the dirty dishes. Your whole body was shaking as you stumbled through the living room, circling back around to the front door. _At least if he kills me outside there won't be blood all over the furniture,_ you thought. Struggling to focus, you pushed yourself around the right side of the house. You could hear Steve shouting in the living room and, in all the chaos, you barely made out "[Y/N], look out!"

Your head shot up just in time to see Bucky throw himself through a window and onto the porch in front of you. He wasted no time in swiping at you. You tried your best to go from running forward to leaning backward in an attempt to dodge, but he was too fast. You felt the knife nip your cheek and the tip of your nose. You cried out and felt the cold blade slice your upper right arm. You fell onto your ass and shuffled backward quickly. At this point, tears freely poured down your face and you were more scared than you'd ever been in your life. _I'm dying, right here. This is it for me._

You backed into a pair of legs and looked up in time to see Sam smash a potted plant over Bucky's head. You use your arm to cover your face as shards and soil rained down. In another instant, you felt yourself being dragged out from between the two of them. Steve flung you over his shoulder quickly and ran back into the house. He rushed around into the large room next to the study. He set you down carefully and crouched next to you.

"He doesn't mean this, this isn't him," he panted, keeping a constant watch on the door.

"What does..he need.." you panted. Steve gave you a questioning look. "To..calm down...what does..he need?" Your voice was quiet and strained, your breathing still heavy.

"We haven't figure that out yet," Steve admitted, moving to the door to find out where Sam and Bucky were at that point. He turned back to you. "We just try and subdue him and wake him up. Now we need to get you cleaned up, you're bleeding terribly-"

"Maybe..I can..help," you muttered, pulling yourself onto your knees. Steve rushed over to you and took your arm gently. You pointed to the large grand piano in the corner of the room.

"We don't have time, you're hurt [Y/N]-"

"Let me...help.."

He glanced to the piano again. "If Sam and I can hold him long enough, maybe music will bring him back," Steve agreed, thinking quickly on the idea. He picked you up gently and placed you on the piano bench. You looked to him and he nodded. "We won't let him hurt you anymore, but you'll have to be quick. He's a strong one." And with that, Steve was out the door.

You breathed heavily, trying to steady your hands. You let your fingers fall to the keys and you tried to concentrate. You could hear Bucky thrashing and Sam and Steve shouting. Fear welled up inside you, but you wanted to try and snap him out of this. Kyle had slept walked for a while when you were younger and your mother would always sing quietly to him to try and gently wake him. You knew gentleness was out the window, but you wanted to get Bucky out of this trance sooner than later. You began by playing random notes, hoping a song would come to you. Paranoia grew as you heard the boys approaching. You closed your eyes and played a few more notes. They were in the hall. Beethoven's Moonlight Sonata came to you and you played carefully. Your fingers slipped up here and there in your haste, but the music flowed. You heard them enter the room and you tried to play louder. You willed Bucky to calm down. You didn't dare turn around, but instead continued to play. The music calmed you a little, and you became more accurate, making less mistakes. You knew Steve and Sam were struggling. Your tears hit the piano, your shoulder was searing with pain and you felt the blood dripping down your neck and arm now. You continued to play, staying quiet and focusing on the keys before you. Finally, Steve and Sam were able to sit Bucky down and keep control of him. They pushed him to the ground and held him there.

You played for six minutes in pain while you waited for Bucky to finally stop. He closed his eyes and quit moving, suggesting that he was asleep once again. You didn't want to trust him, so you continued to play until Steve put his hand on your back. You stopped and looked up to him, your left cheek covered in blood and your other cheek covered in drying tears. He pulled you into a gentle hug and you sat there, motionless. Sam moved to the other side of you, pulling your hair out of your face. He leaned in and joined the small embrace. You were shaking violently, letting the shock and fear settle inside of you.


	5. Chapter 5

You sat quietly in one of the recliners in the living room. Steve was going around the house assessing damages and Sam was searching the bathroom for a first aid kit and things to clean you up with. Bucky's unconscious body lay on the couch, much too big for it. His right arm and leg were both hanging off and he snored loudly. Steve and Sam had one hell of a time getting him there.

You cradled your left arm, trying to hold it in a position that wouldn't hurt your shoulder. Your right arm and cheek had stopped bleeding, but the dried blood was still all over you. You could hear Sam getting frustrated in the bathroom, searching frantically for any kind of rubbing alcohol, disinfectant or even just a rag to dampen and clean you with. You knew the downstairs guest bathroom didn't have much in it, but your voice was hoarse and you couldn't make much noise anymore. In your throat was a burning sensation left from all the crying and screaming you'd done. You could help that being cut and chased after by a superhuman goth man was scary.

You watched as Sam hurried out of the downstairs bathroom and went up the stairs, taking them two at a time. Steve had just left the kitchen was checking the broken window now. No one said anything and all was quiet aside from a few typical nighttime noises. You had stopped shaking by now, but your eyes were fixed on the large motionless man on the couch. You still couldn't quite wrap your head around what had happened.

Lost in your thoughts, you didn't hear Steve come back inside and walk into the living room. He rested his hand on your right shoulder and the sudden contact made you jump and squeak. You would have scream if you'd had the voice to. Your surprise startled Steve and he jumped as well, wrapping his arms around you protectively. The two of you sat for a moment in silence before laughing at each other. He straightened up as Sam came back down the stairs carrying a damp hand towel and some rubbing alcohol he'd found. He handed the towel to Steve and crouched next to you.

"Now, you're 20-something so you should know, but this is going to sting a little," Sam warned. He twisted the cap off the bottle and pulled a dry hand towel out of his back pocket. Holding the towel to the opening of the bottle, he turned it upside down for a second, wetting a corner of the cloth. He set the bottle down and moved the cloth towards the gash on your right arm. The cut reached from your shoulder to the middle of your upper arm. Blood from the cut had dripped all the way down to your fingertips, effectively getting all over your arm and shirt. You closed your eyes and grabbed at the arm of the chair. Steve's hand happened to be resting there, however, making for an awkward grip on his fingers. You expected him to pull his hand out from under yours, but instead he flipped it over and took your hand in his. He squeezed gently, trying to be comforting.

Sam began rubbing the cloth on your arm. At first it was cold and you tensed at the sensation. Then the cut began to sting and you gritted your teeth and kept your eyes shut. Steve's grip tightened slightly and you felt Sam rub his thumb over your arm, trying to be as comforting as he could. You were completely uncomfortable physically, but you felt a sense of relief knowing that these two were here to help. You tried to get yourself lost in thought as Sam continued to clean your wound.

 _Bucky didn't mean to do this. He didn't do this. The sleep version of him did this. But what does that mean? Steve said that it wasn't him, and that he was sleeping. But his eyes were open. He was sentient enough to target only me...why me? Is it because I'm still new to him? It's been...what...two weeks? He likes me well enough when he's awake...What happened? Ow!_

A sudden pain on your face pulled you out of your thoughts. Your eyes flew open to find Sam cleaning your cheek now and you jerked your head back. Steve's hand moved to your elbow.

"What's wrong, [Y/N]?"

"It hurt..." you whined quietly.

"Here, Sam, we'll let her have a minute. I meant to show you the fence anyway." Steve let your hand go and laid the damp towel in your lap. "You can start getting some of that off your arm," he said gently, gesturing to the copious amounts of dried blood. It was definitely no wonder you were so tired after losing that much blood. At least, it looked like a lot on your arm and shirt. Sam hesitated at leaving you alone, but Steve pulled at him and they walked into the kitchen, going through the back door.

You wanted to clean your arm, but your shoulder prevented you. There was a sharp pain any time you moved your arm and you knew it had to be serious, whatever happened to your shoulder. You tried to play back what happened in your head to remember how you'd been hit, but the entire night was running into a big blur. You felt tired and sore and bruised and uncomfortable. You knew that the nearest hospital was an hour drive away and that you wouldn't be getting any sleep. You also knew that despite what happened, you would have to do your job the next morning because none of the boys knew how to. The last thing you wanted was to call your father home from his trip the morning after he'd left. You also didn't want to explain that a guest in his home had done this to his only daughter. Thoughts moved through your head sluggishly and all you really wanted was to fall asleep and pretend the whole night never happened. However, that was wildly unrealistic and your body just wouldn't allow you to sleep.

Amidst all these thoughts, Bucky stirred. You didn't hear him at first. He rubbed his eyes and yawned, moving his arms to stretch. When he realized he wasn't in a bed, he looked around slowly and sat up. He rubbed his eyes again and let his eyes adjust to the light in the room before noticing you. By now, you'd let your eyes focus on him. Your body stay perfectly still; you weren't sure if this was real Bucky or sleep Bucky. _Maybe if I don't move, he won't see me._ Then Bucky looked right in your eyes.

On the bright side, this was a wide awake Bucky. On the down side, this was an upset wide awake Bucky. His eyes darted from cut to bruise to blood to your tired expression as if he just couldn't take it all in. He was quickly on high alert, moving next to you and crouching down so that he could look up into your face. He was breathing quickly and trying not to touch you while also trying to assess the damage.

"[Y/N], what the fu- how did this- where are Steve and- your arm is- your face- what the fuck?" He couldn't seem to catch a full sentence in his haste to get information from you. You swallowed to get moisture to your throat and tried to begin, but Bucky stopped you. You'd looked away for a quick second only to look back and see his eyes full of anger. Fear struck your heart suddenly, thinking the anger was aimed at you.

"[Y/N]," he growled. You flinched. "Who did this to you?"

A quick wave of relief washed over you as you realized the anger wasn't for you. But then the fear and discomfort returned as you had another realization. You would have to tell Bucky that he did this to you.

"[Y/N], tell me who did this. Right now." His breath was hot and his features had settled into a growing rage. You looked into his eyes, yours portraying sorrow, fear and exhaustion.

"Bucky," you croaked. Hearing your voice made his anger melt to sympathy. "Could you please...go get me a dry towel?"

He was confused at first that you'd requested something of him instead of giving him the information he wanted. However, he rose to his feet and nodded. He disappeared down the hallway. You sighed heavily, unsure of what to do. You'd been slumped over in the chair for over an hour now and your body wouldn't let up with its persistent aching. You tried to move the damp towel off of your lap, which was also damp now, but you knew it was no use. Your left arm was useless and your right arm was bloody. You could still feel the crusted blood flaking off of your cheek and neck when you would move. The blood from your face had dripped all the way down to your collarbones, maybe a bit further. Some strands of hair were matted to your face from literal blood, sweat and tears. You could imagine how pitiful you looked.

Bucky stomped back down the hall and swung around the corner, heading up the stairs. You heard him mumbling, "why don't you people have anything around here where I can find it..."

You sat in silence for another minute before Sam and Steve made their way back into the living room. You looked up to them and shushed them as they were chattering loudly about what to do. They both looked to you and then to the empty couch.

"He's upstairs," you whispered loudly. It's about all you could manage. "Come here." The two men knelt next to you and gave you their undivided attention. "I can't tell Bucky he did this. He was so angry...he can't know...please," you pleaded quietly. You saw Steve's solid demeanor melt into sympathy. Sam, however, stayed strong.

"We have to tell him, [Y/N]," Sam tried to speak gently but it came out as more of a demand. "He deserves to know. And he has to take responsibility for all the damages to-" Sam was in the middle of gesturing to the window when Steve put his hand on his friend's shoulder.

"You know how Bucky will take this, Sam."

"Well, he needs to know what he did," Sam argued.

"You know what will happen when he finds out he hurt someone again."

"Keeping this from him won't keep him any safer, and it won't keep [Y/N] safer either. You know we need to tell him-"

"Tell me what?" Bucky's voice was commanding. He knew that the three of you were keeping something from him.

Steve stood quickly and tried to approach Bucky. "Buck, you don't have to-"

"Tell me what, Sam?"

Sam was holding eye contact with you, almost like he was asking for permission to tell. You slowly lowered your eyes, knowing it would be best to tell him.

Sam stood, putting himself in a spot where he could easily get between you and Bucky in a split-second. "Look, Bucky, you need to sit down."

"Tell me what happened to her." His face suddenly went from hardened anger to self-loathing. "Tell me, Steve. Honestly. Did I do this?"

Steve avoided eye contact and Sam shifted uncomfortably. Bucky fell backwards into a sitting position onto the bottom stair. He let his head fall into his hands. Steve took a step towards him but stopped. Everything was quiet. Even the creatures of the night seemed to be silent now.


	6. Chapter 6

At first, Bucky wouldn't look at you. He sat in silence on the staircase, staring straight ahead with his eyes glazed over. Steve had attempted to comfort him, but to no avail. When he knew it was a fruitless effort, he and Sam turned their attention back to you. Sam lifted the drying towel from your lap and began rubbing the dried blood from your arm. He took your hand and started at your fingers, working his way up. Steve took this time to finally lean you forward and look at your shoulder. He lifted your shirt tenderly and inspected the aching area by poking and moving your arm occasionally. At every poke and prod, you made small noises of pain, but Steve knew that to find out what all was wrong he had to move you around.

"Is there any pain in your chest when I do this?" He was asking you various questions in a soft voice. You would wince, but shake your head. All the pain was in the shoulder. "Is there any pain in your collarbone area or ribs when I do this?" He moved your arm again. You made another noise in protest, but shook your head.

"The only pain is my shoulder," you croaked. Your voice was steadily regaining strength now that your throat wasn't so sore.

"Put your fingers -if you can - on the spot that hurts the most," Steve instructed.

You took your hand from Sam and gently rested your pointer and middle fingers right on your shoulder blade. Steve nodded.

"I think it may only be severely bruised. Do you remember anything about what happened?"

"Bucky.." you started but you saw his jaw twitch when you mentioned his name. You lowered your head sheepishly. "He uh...punched..me..."

"With which hand?" Sam sounded concerned. He reached up to take our hand again so he could continue cleaning your arm.

"His...his right one," you remembered. "It was his right one because his left one..." Suddenly it came back to you, the fear of the moment. "His left fist was _in_ the ground," you continued, stealing a glance at the man responsible. His jaw tensed and he was rubbing his left arm. _Shouldn't he be feeling the repercussions of that?_

You looked back and saw Steve looking at Bucky with an expression you didn't quite recognize. Was it fear? Sadness? Concern? You couldn't put your finger on it, but you watched him intently until you felt a sting on your right arm. Your head snapped forward and you saw that Sam had gone back to cleaning your wound. He patted your hand when he saw your head turn to him.

"Sorry about that, didn't mean to take you by surprise."

Steve let his hand drop to your shoulder, inspecting it again. "He punched you," Steve repeated. He traced his fingers lightly around the bruised area. "I can see it, but it was at an angle, right?"

You nodded. "I used it as a push off the ground," you stated, replaying the scene in your head. "Then I started running and that's when-"

"That's when you pulled that fence stunt," Steve cut you off.

"Yeah, Steve told me you did some baseball shit earlier," Sam chimed in.

You let a look of confusion cross your face before you understood what they were talking about. "Oh, you mean when I slid under the fence."

"And completely blindsided Buck in the process," Steve added. Bucky turned his head slightly at this, curious about what you'd done.

"It was just a slide, I've done it before."

"In what other context would you need to slide under a fence other than running from a massive tank of a man that's out to rip you to pieces?" Sam's statement made Bucky cringe.

"Well, I use it when I'm running from massive bulls that want to rip me to pieces," you replied. "Sometimes the bulls get really testy and I use that maneuver to get away from them. I just don't usually let them punch me first though," you added, hoping to dissolve some of the tension that still hung in the room.

Steve chuckled quietly and you thought you saw a smirk on Bucky's face.

"I didn't realize how tough you had to be to work with animals," Sam said thoughtfully.

"Well, we work with one all the time, you should have known," Steve laughed, following your example of being humorous. Bucky turned his head so that none of you could see it, but you were certain he was hiding a grin.

Sam stood up, groaning as he did. You cocked your head and Steve chuckled. "Where you off to, old man?" Steve seemed to be more at ease.

"Who are you calling old man?" Sam retaliated, laughing to himself about something. You looked back at Steve, wondering what that meant.

"I'm going to get a new rag," Sam said, holding out the now red hand towel that was once light tan. You looked down at your arm. There were still faint smears of blood and dirt, but you weren't caked in it anymore. You could clearly see the cut now which ran deeper than you'd initially thought.

"Hey, Sam, do you think you could look for some cotton and gauze? There should be some in a bathroom or in the laundry room somewhere. Probably in the metal first aid box we have," you said quietly.

Steve pat Bucky on the shoulder. "I'll go look for the box, Sam can go get a fresh towel. Bucky, you take the rubbing alcohol and finish up cleaning her cheek." He handed Bucky the second hand towel they'd brought in and walked towards the kitchen. "The laundry room is..." he asked, waiting for direction. You pointed and he followed, leaving the living room. Sam pushed past Bucky and went up the stairs.

You leaned back to stretch your lower back and pulled your legs out from under you. You twisted from side to side, popping your back but being careful not to disturb your shoulder too much. You rolled your head around a few times to stretch your neck and then took a deep breath before looking to Bucky.

"Bucky, you-"

"Listen, I don't know what they told you, but I want you to know that I didn't mean anything that happened tonight."

"Bucky, I-"

"It's a long story, but there's a reason behind what I did. I'm so sorry that I hurt you like this, and when Tony gets back I'll have him find another place for me to go."

"Buck-"

"I know you must be confused, but I'm not safe. I shouldn't have come here with everyone. I knew something like this could happen and I let them bring me here anyway. I don't know what I was thinkin-"

"Bucky!" He finally looked at you. You sighed and pushed your hair back over your shoulder. "Bucky, I'm fine. You really haven't done much worse than what these animals have done to me before. I'm not holding anything against you, really. I don't understand why it happened, but I know there must be a reason. I don't understand superheroes, and I probably am not the most prepared person, but I'm willing to try. Tony brought you all here because he knew he could trust Kyle, and Kyle knew he could trust me. Tonight...it was something I never expected. It will have consequences. But don't throw yourself out just because-"

"[Y/N], I'm dangerous! You saw what I can do, and that wasn't even the worst of it. I have killed people, [Y/N], and I won't let you be next."

Silence filled the room. There was an awkward tension and you shifted uncomfortably. "Bucky, I-"

"I'll stay and take responsibility for what I've done. But I am talking to Tony once he returns." His voice was forceful but was filled with sorrow. You let your eyes drop to the floor. Your tough girl act wasn't going to hold up with him. _Is this my fault?_ The thought crossed your mind so quickly. You didn't know the answer, but you felt almost at fault here.

Suddenly you felt a hand under your chin. Bucky lifted your head so that you were facing him as he was now standing over you. You hadn't heard him move and his sudden touch had startled you a bit. His eyes pierced into you and your mouth hung open slightly. He brought the rag up to your cheek, focusing only on the cut on your face. You sat quietly and patiently as he cleaned your wound. He moved from your cheek to the tip of your nose where the cut ended. He rubbed gently, using his fingernails to chip some of the dry blood off from time to time.

You closed your eyes, letting this man cradle your head in one hand while he cleaned your face with the other. You didn't think anything of it until he said something.

"You trust me." His tone of voice was somewhat critical, but gentle at the same time. You opened your eyes, questioning him with them. "You trust me," he repeated. "You wouldn't have closed your eyes if you didn't."

"I mean," you thought for a moment. "I do trust you. You haven't really given me a reason not to." He looked unamused. "Whoever hurt me wasn't Bucky," you clarified. "You and Steve both told me that it wasn't really you that did that. I trust you." You poked a finger at his chest and his expressions softened. He looked down at the cut on your arm and let his fingers brush the skin close to it. He did the same with the cut on your cheek.

"I'm sorry this happened to you, [Y/N]. And I'm sorry I got upset with you. You have to understand that this can't happen again."

"We'll make sure it won't, Buck." Steve's calm voice suddenly filled the room. He smiled to you and crouched beside you, setting the large metal kit on the coffee table.

"It's 4:28," Sam said, looking at the wall clock.

"Well, guys, it's time to wake up," you said, attempting to get them to smile again. Sam had returned and finished wiping the blood off of your face, Steve had patched you up, and Bucky had inspected your shoulder for himself. He seemed relieved that it didn't look worse, which you took as good news.

Steve chuckled as he closed the first aid kit. "I suppose you're feeling a bit better, [Y/N]."

"What can I say, it takes a lot to get me down and out," you smiled.

"Even still, we should probably take you to a hospital for that shoulder," Sam said, looking at Steve for agreement. Steve nodded and opened his mouth, but you quickly cut him off.

"Before anyone goes anywhere, that fence needs to be mended."

"[Y/N], you're more important that a fence. We can fix it after we make sure you're okay." Steve seemed personally offended that you would even suggest mending the fence first.

"No, I'm actually not," you snorted. "I don't know that you guys understand. If we leave that fence with a huge hole in it, the cows will get out. If the cows get out, they'll get hurt, lost, or maybe even killed. Do you know the damage that would do? That fence is pretty important," you said, regaining your voice more and more. You pushed yourself up out of the chair, giving a groan. Once you were on your feet, Sam put his arm around you to help steady you. You leaned into him and looked at Steve. "We have to go fix that fence. Then we'll see about a hospital."

Steve lifted his hand to rub his forehead. "Fine, we'll go see what we can do. But then we _are_ taking you to get professional help," Steve said matter-of-factly. He had a commanding voice, but you knew he would listen to you. You smiled sweetly at him and he sighed.

"Come on, Buck, you're helping too."

"Before we go, can we make a sling or something for my arm? It's really the only problem now."

"Then why are you leaning on Sam?" Bucky raised an eyebrow at you.

"I dunno, he smells good," you said, looking away from them all. The three of them laughed and you smiled in return. _One bad, weird, painful night can't get between them, so why should I let it get to me?_


	7. Chapter 7

You watched carefully as the boys helped each other position the last plank of wood. The sun was beginning to rise and they were almost finished repairing the fence. You had your left arm resting in a makeshift sling so as not to disturb your shoulder, and you found that it was working pretty well. You didn't hurt so much anymore, but you couldn't stop yawning. You were seated in the grass where you could easily keep watch over the boys and offer assistance when they asked.

You rubbed your free hand on the grass, patting it and smiling. You heard the boys beginning to argue over something, but you weren't really listening anymore. You slowly leaned over, first onto your elbow and then lying all the way down. The sky was slowly lighting up, pink and orange hues rising from the east. You let your eyelids finally fall and the cool grass felt nice beneath you. To be fair, a bed of rocks probably would have felt nice at this point. You let out a big breath, relaxing your muscles. You could hear Steve's voice getting closer, but you chose to ignore it, falling asleep quickly.

What woke you wasn't that you rolled over into the soft blankets of your bed.. It wasn't the dull pain in your shoulder. It wasn't the new pressure on the cut on your arm. What woke you up was a loud clink of metal. You jerked awake, sitting straight up suddenly and looking around the room. Your eyes scanned the room but there was nothing there. You furrowed your brows. _Maybe it was a noise from a dream,_ you tried to reason. _It was awfully loud to be a dream sound._ You slowly lowered yourself back onto the bed, giving the room one more scan before closing them again. Then you heard your door close.

Your eyes flew open again and you swung your legs off of your bed. That's when it finally hit you. _Wait...I'm in my bed? Didn't I go to sleep outside?_ A look of suspicion settled into your features and you pulled your door open. As soon as you did you regretted it. You could have sworn it was a refrigerator or a huge bag of bricks that toppled onto you. You groaned loudly and heard Steve begin apologizing repeatedly.

"I didn't mean to fall on you, I'm so sorry, Bucky told me to make sure you were still asleep, he came and put you in bed but said he had something to...I was just making sure...I didn't mean to fall on you," he finally finished, pulling you back to your feet as gently as he could.

"Steve, since when are you so nervous?" You'd raised an eyebrow at him, pulling your left arm back into a bent position.

"I'm not nervous," he laughed, avoiding eye contact.

"Steve," you started in a sort of scold.

"Did you happen to hear anything before you opened the door?"

You put your right hand on your hip, giving Steve a look that said you knew what he meant and you expected to be told about it.

"What?" He tried to feign ignorance, but he looked too guilty. He sighed, dropping his shoulders. "You heard it, I know that. Just tell me, what did it sound like?"

You furrowed your eyebrows, sure that the answer was obvious. "It sounded like metal! What was it, Steve?"

He rubbed his neck, looking into the hallway. You turned your head to follow his gaze and heard the door to the room next to yours slam shut. You looked back to Steve as if he were responsible. He shrugged and quickly darted out of your room and down the hall. You sighed. _Time to see what My Chemical Romance is doing._

You knocked on Bucky's door softly at first. No response. You put a little more force behind your second knock. You heard rummaging in the room but still no response. You sighed loudly and dramatically. "Bucky, don't make me open this door myself," you threatened. To your surprise, you heard the lock click. Offended and a bit taken aback, you gasped. "Bucky, I live here! I have a key to this room!" You heard something heavy being moved across the floor and stop on the other side of the door. You weren't even sure how to react. "Bucky!"

"[Y/N]!" You heard your name being called from downstairs. You stomped your foot in protest, knowing that Steve was probably trying to get you away from Bucky's room.

"This is my house! I want to know the secret," you shouted back. You knew you were acting childish, but you still weren't fully awake and you were upset that you were being left out. You crossed your arms over your chest and pouted, standing in the hallway alone. You stared down the door, but you didn't hear anything more for a few minutes. You leaned your back against the wall across from the door and waited. You refused to not be in on the secret.

Ten minutes passed and Steve finally wandered around the corner of the hallway. He let his head drop into his hand when he saw you still standing, grumpily looking at Bucky's door. "[Y/N], he could easily out-wait you. You aren't going to find anything out acting like this."

You frowned and looked to him, the exhaustion still showing on your face. He gave a small, knowing smile.

"[Y/N], you're still tired. You should rest some more before trying to solve all the world's mysteries," Steve chuckled, walking over to take your elbow. You pouted while he lead you back into your room.

"I'm not trying to solve all the mysteries, just the clanking one," you argued in a small voice. Steve chuckled again as he tucked you into bed, being careful of your various boo-boos.

"You'll find out one of these days," he said through a small smile. He watched as you fought to keep your eyes open for a minute before finally giving in. You'd tried twice again to protest, but he shushed you and let you drift off to sleep again.

Once he knew you were asleep again, Steve stood, tucked you in again, closed the curtains so that less light was in the room, and left, being sure to close the door gently. He rested his arm and head on the wall briefly before turning to the next door. He tapped the door in a rhythm and waited. He heard a heavy object being moved across the floor and a click before the door opened a crack. Bucky's eye met with Steve's and Steve gave him a look of accusation.

"What?" Bucky was defensive and tense. Steve sighed and gestured for Bucky to open the door further.

"We have to discuss that arm of yours," Steve said gently, stepping into the room and closing the door.

It was around 2 in the afternoon before you woke up again. You groggily made your way downstairs, rubbing your eyes and searching for someone to make you a sling again. You felt better now that you'd slept and you were ready to start looking at what needed repairing around the house. You hadn't really been paying attention until you entered the kitchen. You expected a mess, some broken dishes or something, but you blinked a few times and saw that the kitchen was clean. Your mouth hung open for a moment before you heard Sam's light laughter from the dining room. You turned to see Steve and Sam sitting at the table.

"Surprise, sleepyhead," Steve said cheerily. "Don't worry about the window in the living room, either. We've got-"

"You guys cleaned up everything?" You felt happy yet upset that you hadn't helped. You felt a small weight of responsibility for the mess and therefore you felt that you should have helped fix it.

"Sure we did," Sam laughed. "Though, we did make Bucky do his fair share of the cleaning."

"Speaking of Bucky, [Y/N], we need to tell you something," Steve's tone changed to serious. You felt a slight tightening in your chest. _Where is Bucky?_ Steve stood, gesturing for you to have a seat. _Well, if that doesn't imply 'long conversation I probably don't want to have' I don't know what does._

"Where's Bucky?"

Steve gestured to the chair again. "If you'll let us tell you this, then he-"

"Wait," you said, a hint of panic in your voice. Everything Bucky had said earlier that morning flooded back to you. " _I'm dangerous! You saw what I can do...I'm talking to Tony when he returns. I'm not safe...I shouldn't have come here..."_ Your thoughts trailed off and your eyes widened. "Where is Bucky? Did he leave? Where did he go? I thought he said he would wait for Tony, why did he leave so soon? Where is he?" All of your questions seemed to come out more like one long sentence and Steve and Sam looked at you with confusion on their faces.

"[Y/N], what are you talking about? Bucky is outside fixing the windo-"

"I still have time to catch him!" you half shouted as you turned on your heals and bolted out the door. Steve and Sam both followed behind you, Steve shouting, "wait! [Y/N], we have to tell you about his arm first!" Steve's words were lost to you as you rushed out the front door and headed towards the corner of the house. "[Y/N]," Steve shouted behind you. "We have to tell you that Bucky's arm is-"

You stopped in your tracks as soon as you rounded the corner of the house. Your jaw dropped and you stared at the man that was standing before you. You knew it was Bucky, but it didn't look like Bucky. Not the Bucky you had seen, anyway.

Steve slowed his pace, walking up behind you. Sam joined the two of you and by now Bucky had turned his head up to see you all standing there.

Steve put his hand on your good shoulder. "[Y/N], we were going to tell you that Bucky's arm is-"

"Metal..." you cut him off. You took in the sight before you. Bucky, for once, wasn't wearing his usual getup. His arms were completely bare as he wore a sleeveless shirt. His hair was tied back into a neat little bun and you could clearly see his face. _And those muscles!_ The shirt he wore was tight on his torso and you could see most of detail of his muscles. _And his arm!_ The polished metal of the shoulder shone brightly in the afternoon sun. The rest of the arm was in the shade, but it still managed to glimmer and shine brilliantly. It was so intricate and it matched his right arm so perfectly. He was moving it with such ease that you could have been fooled into thinking it was the arm he was born with. _In fact, I was fooled,_ you thought. You were shocked, surprised, and you couldn't move. Bucky had a row of nails in between his lips so he just gave a small wave before turning back to repairing the window. Sam chuckled at how you were gawking.

"His arm..." you stuttered, still not sure what to think.

"...is metal," Sam finished the sentence for you. He patted your back. "We tried to tell you."

You looked up to the two men standing behind you and then back to Bucky, who was paying no mind to the three of you anymore. You turned completely around and looked Steve in the eyes.

"What?"

"Are there any _more_ secrets that I need to know about?"


	8. Chapter 8

"And so that's how it happened. Pretty plain and simple if you ask me," Steve said as he wrapped up the story. A two hour long story.

"So you're telling me that you lost Bucky in the 40s, took a super serum, you were frozen and then unfrozen, went on all these missions, met the rest of the team, found Bucky who wasn't Bucky but actually the whatever Soldier, had to fight him, lost him again, lost the girl you loved, found Bucky again but you didn't know if he was really Bucky yet, had a lover's quarrel with Tony and the government, you found out that Bucky was Bucky but could still be not Bucky, you tried to prove to everyone that Bucky was framed, then you fought Tony and went back home and then your house was compromised."

"Pretty much," Sam laughed. Bucky shrugged, silently agreeing.

"Hey now, it wasn't a lover's quarrel," Steve said in slight protest.

"You guys are, like, 100 years old!"

""I'm not 100, I'm...97..."

"Yeah, so 100!"

You had sat patiently through the whole story even though you couldn't wrap your head around a lot of the details. You had spent the most part of it sitting on the porch railing while Sam leaned on the wall of the house and Steve paced as he spoke. Bucky had done his best to patch up the broken window, but once the story got back around to him/not him he began to argue over details with his long-time friend. By the time the the two of them came to an agreement and continued the story, you'd gone inside to grab a broom to sweep up the shattered pot and soil that was still on the porch.

Now, you were leaning on the broom, still trying to ingest all the information. "You're both 100, you're both from the 40s, you both got frozen, and you," you said as you pointed to Bucky. "You were brainwashed by some hydraulic group of people-"

"HYDRA, actually," Steve interjected.

"Okay, HYDRA. You were brainwashed and turned into a soldier even though you were already a soldier."

"They wiped his memories and he became the Winter Soldier," Steve corrected.

You looked to Steve for a moment before turning back to Bucky. So this is evidently a sore subject for him still if Steve has to tell the whole story, you thought.

"Okay, and you guys fought each other at one point," you continued.

"Because the government wanted to get involved," Sam chimed in.

"And now you're here."

"Now we're here," Sam and Steve concluded at the same time. Bucky had remained mostly silent during question time.

"So Bucky," you began with intrigue before seeing him purposefully look away. You had a gut feeling that he didn't want to talk much about his life before he'd arrived. "Bucky," you said again, quickly trying to think of something unrelated to ask. "Are you...are you guys hungry?"

They all seemed to cock their heads at the same time.

"I'm starving," you laughed, rubbing your hand over your tummy.

"Then let's go get some lunch," Sam smiled as he headed toward the front door.

"Sam, it's closer to dinner than it is to lunch," Steve corrected him, following his friend to the door. You heard them begin to debate what meal time it was as you turned your head back to Bucky. He hadn't moved yet. You watched him as he watched the horses out in the closest field, a few foal whinnying playfully.

"I'm sorry that this is all so much to take in," he finally spoke quietly. You moved next to him, watching the baby horses parade around as their mothers kept a watchful eye. You wanted to pat his arm or lean your head on him or do something that could be comforting, but you knew that those things only comforted people that were close. You liked Bucky and you enjoyed his presence just as much as the other guys, but you knew he had boundaries and limits that they didn't. So, instead, you opted to give a few words before heading inside.

"I don't know what it's like, really. I won't say that I do to try and make you feel better. The biggest loss I've ever faced in my life was losing my mother, and that was so long ago. I don't know how it feels to lose...well, everything. You and Steve sure do have a heavy weight on your hearts from that. And if I knew any way to help lift it, I would try. Sure, it's only been about two weeks that we met, but hey, Kyle always said that if you aren't helping, you're hurting. I'm not sure quite how much I'd stand by that, but I understand what he means." You smiled to yourself before looking up at him. His face remained unchanged. You shrugged at yourself. "If there's anything I can do - or can stop doing - just let me know. As much as I want to help, I don't want to be a bother either."

With that, you turned and made your way to the front door. As you walked in the house, you thought you heard Bucky say something but you shrugged it off. Maybe he just needs to talk to himself for a while.

Steve and Sam were having some kind of argument when you entered the kitchen. All you saw was Sam shaking a frying pan at Steve and Steve with a handful of eggs. You laughed at the sight, immediately getting between them.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, hold it, you two! What's all this about?"

The two started talking at the same time, slowly raising their voices to try and be heard over the other.

"Steve wants breakfast for dinner but he knows that-"

"Sam won't give me the frying pan so I can just make a few-"

"Steve knows that breakfast for dinner is a lame idea-"

"Sam just doesn't know how to have fun with a meal after a long day-"

"Steve wouldn't know good food if it bit him in the-"

"Sam thinks that he's cool because he can't eat a pancake in the evening-"

Once you'd stopped laughing you put your right hand up.

"Guys, stop!" They both dropped their arms, quieting down. "Now look, Steve, you want breakfast. Sam, you want..."

"I want some pizza," he said forcefully, poking a finger at Steve.

"Then Sam, make some pizza. Steve, make some eggs. You don't have to eat the same thing," you laughed. I swear, it's like they lose all common sense sometimes.

They looked at each other for a minute before both rushing over to the oven and began shouting simultaneously once again.

"I'm using it first!"

"You don't even need the oven for eggs!"

"I need the stove, though! And who are you to talk, you don't even have anything to put into the oven yet!"

You sighed like a mom would when she watches her children argue. You sat at the dining room table and shook your head. Maybe I wasn't so wrong after all, thinking that Tony would be bringing kids.

"[Y/N]," a calm voice met your ears amidst all the shouting. You looked up to see Bucky standing in the doorway that led into the living room. "What are you planning on eating?"

"I figured I would just wait for these two to finish up and then decide," you said thoughtfully, looking back to Steve and Sam who were now trying to work around each other.

"I'll wait with you," he said, pulling up the chair across from you.

You were turned around to face the kitchen while Bucky sat with his arms on the table. You wanted to stare at his metal arm, but you knew it would be rude. Instead, you focused on how Sam would occasionally elbow Steve in the ribs, trying to distract and pick on his friend. You couldn't help but smile at how the two had been so serious yet so childlike in their argument. You knew they weren't taking things to heart, but they were still so passionate about what food they wanted. Or maybe they were just passionate about the other not wanting what they wanted.

"Do they always do this?"

"Eh, if Sam isn't arguing with me, he's gotta argue with someone I guess."

You gave Bucky a sideways glance. "Sam argues with you a lot, then?"

"You could say that," Bucky chuckled.

You heard his metal fingers tapping on the table and you couldn't help yourself. You slightly turned your body so that you could get a glance at his left hand, but you found yourself entranced. Propping your right elbow on the table, you turned a bit more, watching the fingers move freely. Each little crevice and plate moving like real fingers would. You were mesmerized that his prosthetic - a metal one at that - could move so gracefully and be so lifelike. You had seen prosthetics for animals before and you had seen someone with a prosthetic leg before, but never anything quite like this. You watched as his wrist moved, his thumb, his index; each individual finger and joint acting as if they were real. It wasn't until Bucky started deliberately moving his fingers in odd ways that you realized he was watching you watch him. Your head shot up and you looked him in the eyes. He didn't have much of an expression so you could only think of one way to react.

"I'm sorry! I didn't mean to stare, I was just...I'm sorry, it's just that I've never seen anything like it before and...I..." You stammered, trying to think of a good reason to be staring at this man's limb.

"It's okay, I get it," he laughed softly, a small smile taking to his lips. You breathed a little easier and leaned back onto your elbow. You laughed, mostly at yourself, but also to try and find a tension relief. Your eyes slowly fell back to the glistening metal plates.

"You can look at it, just don't ask me any questions about it."

You looked back up to Bucky, who had gone back to paying you little attention. You nodded anyway, eyes drifting to his shoulder. From the angle you were at, you couldn't tell, but you thought you saw some red over the silver. You squinted slightly, leaning to get a better look, but you suddenly heard a loud voice calling out to you. You turned your head around towards the kitchen.

"[Y/N], Steve wouldn't move and so my pizza got burned," Sam complained loudly. Steve huffed in response, focusing on his eggs that sat before him on the stove top. You sighed and giggled to yourself. Yep, these are my children now.


	9. Chapter 9

The rest of that night passed with little tension. The boys got their food, you ate and made your way back into the living room, and Sam had the idea to watch a movie to diffuse whatever excitement remained from the day. You hadn't complained too much about your shoulder, so Steve and Bucky felt a little better about it. One movie passed, then two, then three, and then you were asleep, nestled between Steve and Sam on the couch. Your head had fallen into Sam's lap and your legs had stretched out over Steve, so the boys thought it best not to move and slept on the couch with you for the remainder of the night. Bucky had gone to his room sometime during the third movie, but there was a point that you'd woken up during the night and you saw him sprawled out in the recliner among various blankets and pillows.

Having lived on the ranch for so many years, you no longer needed an alarm clock to wake up at 4:15 A.M. There were days that you'd loathed your body's inner clock but this was finally a day that it came in handy. You gently raised your head, peering around in the darkness of the living room. You gracefully listed your legs out of Steve's lap, letting the arm that had rested over them fall to his lap with a quiet thud. Sitting up straight, you pulled the blanket off of you and draped it over Sam's torso. _Steve has muscles and more body heat than Sam, I'm sure he doesn't need this blanket._

You tiptoed up the stairs to get ready for the day. Throwing on some jeans and a clean shirt, you stepped quietly passed through the living room again on your way to the back door. If it hadn't been for Steve's loud snoring, you wouldn't have glanced over and noticed that Sam was missing. You shrugged, thinking he probably just went up to the room to sleep in a bed. At the back door you slipped into your boots and quickly poured the cat food and the dog food into their respective bowls. You noticed that the water bowls were running low as well. _I'll have to refill them when I come back._

Feeling chipper this morning, you hummed as you made your way to the stables. You stepped lightly so as to avoid walking into many messes. _But hey, that's what boots are for,_ you chuckled to yourself.

You were able to get your chores done fairly quickly for how injured you were. _Maybe sleeping so much yesterday gave me all this energy._ You washed the horses and cleaned the stables, noticing how efficient you were at getting the jobs done as well. Making sure there was clean hay in each stable and plenty of food for the horses, you turned to head back to the house. It was odd because you weren't really distracted by anything in particular, but your attention was so divided that you almost didn't notice Sam leaning on a fence and watching the cows graze. You stopped in your tracks and watched him for a moment, deciding to go over to him. _Maybe he's having a good morning like I am. I wonder what he's thinking about._

"Hey, [Y/N]," Sam said quietly before you'd even gotten to the fence. You gave him a curious look that he didn't see and you walked up to the fence beside him. You put your foot on the lowest plank and hoisted yourself up so that you could lean over it slightly.

"What's up," you asked as you situated yourself.

"Not a lot. Just watching the cows."

"Why are you up before dawn?" He still hadn't looked at you.

"Just...thinking too much to sleep," he sighed.

"If I may ask," you started quietly. "What are you thinking about?"

There was a long moment of silence. "It's been awhile since we've really been around, well, regular people. People that aren't used to fighting for their lives or seeing huge battles. We've been too careless," he sighed heavily, lowering his eyes.

"But I'm fine-"

"We aren't even sure if what he did to you is serious or not. We haven't taken you to a hospital yet and that should have been our first priority. Look at you, you have to hold your arm at a bend most of the time to keep it comfortable."

"Steve said it's probably just bruised though, and I-"

"Steve was a soldier, not a doctor. And on top of that, he has a twisted perception. He's used to dealing with the injuries of enhanced humans. He's used to checking on someone _after_ they've been tended to by the finest practitioners Tony can buy. You could have a fractured bone and we wouldn't know."

You dropped your shoulders, testing the pain levels. The dull pain that had resided in your shoulder since the morning before returned, making you wince. Sam took notice. Before he could use the reaction as leverage, you spoke up. "Fine, if it makes you feel better, let's just call my family doctor up here and have him take a look. The nearest hospital is a ways out but Dr. Johnson lives about 30 minutes that way," you suggested as you pointed off in some direction.

Sam shook his head. "You're just as stubborn as those two super soldiers. But I guess it's better than nothing," he agreed as he raised his head again, looking out at the dark figures of the cows. "I suppose we should wait a little while to call him if we don't want to wake him up," he added.

You laughed quietly. "Out here most everyone is up before sunrise, but you're right. We should probably wait long enough for him to at least get to his office. At least that way he won't be caught off guard."

The conversation seemed to drop off for a few minutes. The two of you stood there in the cool morning air, taking in the surroundings. You listened to the cows make their varying noises and to a few far off birds singing. You felt a slight breeze push through your hair and you smiled to yourself.

"So, do you ever get used to the smell?" Sam's question broke the silence and you looked at him. He looked back at you, his eyes shining with humor, and you both laughed loudly.

The sun had begun its ascent into the sky and you had made the trek back to the house on your own. Sam seemed to need a little more time to himself, so you figured it best to be on your way. Stepping into the yard, you glanced to the water bowls only to find, to your surprise, that they had been refilled in your absence. _Steve must have,_ you began to think, but stopped yourself. _Well, I guess Bucky could have too. One of them must be awake by now, so I guess whoever I find up is the one that did it._

You entered the house after abandoning your boots in the yard. Quietly closing the back screen door, you tiptoes through the kitchen and into the living room where you found that both boys and all of the pillows and blankets were gone. You scratched your head and turned to the stairs. Being extra careful of the three individual creaky steps, you climbed the stairs silently and moved the hall like a ghost. You passed Steve's room and found the door open and the room empty. _No dice._ You turned the corner and saw that Bucky's door was open as well. As you approached, you heard nothing and assumed it to be empty just like Steve's. You shrugged and turned to your room instead of continuing. _Maybe they went outside._ You sat on your bed and were just about to pull off your work shirt when you heard the a loud thud come from directly below you.

You stood quickly and moved to the hall. _What room is under mine?_ Another thud, distant now but downstairs and in the same general area as the first. Then you heard the light tinkling of far right piano keys. _Oh no.._ Your eyes widened and you practically threw yourself down the stairs. _Bucky isn't...he isn't dreaming again, is he?_

You turned the corner to the hallway of the study and music room but stopped suddenly when you saw Steve standing just outside the door, peering in. You froze and listened. There was a soft, frustrated groan and more tapping of the piano keys. You could barely make out the melody of Mary Had A Little Lamb before another, louder frustrated groan drowned it out. And then a thud. _What is that?_ You inched closer, keeping your eyes on Steve. Finally his head shot up and his eyes met yours. His finger flew to his lips quickly and you nodded at his demand to stay silent.

The melody began again. It was slow and off beat, faltering here and there. Bucky moaned in annoyance at his inability to play the simplest tune correctly. You leaned close to the doorframe, mimicking Steve's stance and peering in silently. Bucky sat, hunched over the piano that he was slightly too tall for, and held his pointer fingers out from his otherwise balled fists. He pressed down on each key a little too hard and he pecked away, trying to keep a steady rhythm. You had to look away as his metal finger seemed to crash into the individual keys.

The melody started again, but was soon interrupted by a groan and a thud. The thudding, you noticed, was Bucky stomping in aggravation. _Good Lord, he's got some heavy footwork,_ you thought as you watched him stomp again. Steve pulled back, flattening against the wall and looking at you. You saw that he wanted your attention so you did the same. He pointed to Bucky and mouthed the words "go help him." You pointed to yourself in surprise and he nodded. You quickly shook your head but he took your wrist and pushed you into the room. You stumbled in, trying to stop yourself from falling forward without giving away that you were a few feet behind Bucky now.

You froze once more, breathing lightly in hopes that you wouldn't alert Bucky. You jerked your head around to glare at Steve, but he has disappeared. You didn't imagine he would have wandered off too far so you glared out the door anyway. You turned your body slowly to make a quick exit, but something caught your attention. Bucky had stopped playing. You lowered your head, thinking that maybe he had heard you after all. You didn't want to move and face his piercing eyes so you just waited. Silence. _What is he waiting for? Just tell me to leave already._

Suddenly you heard a small sigh. It wasn't a normal, tired, frustrated-that-I-can't-play-the-piano sigh. It was a sad sigh. A very sad one. You closed your eyes and scrunched your face in anticipation for something. Anything. But what you got was at the bottom of the list of what you'd expected.

What came next was a sniffle. Then a whimper. Then the shaking breathy sounds of someone trying to suppress their crying. Your heart felt like it split in two as you turned to see Bucky, hunched over onto the piano with his head in his hands.

As if the heartbreaking scene couldn't get worse, he began mumbling to himself. "I promised mom I would...If I could just figure these damn notes out...mom...I'm sorry..."

 _What am I hearing? I shouldn't be here. I'm not supposed to be hearing this..._

Your heart began racing. What were you supposed to do? Stay and comfort him in what seemed like a time of need? Or leave because you knew that he thought he was alone and this was a private moment, not meant for you to see? You were torn, the way your heart felt, and you stood there in the middle of the room like a deer in the headlights.


	10. Chapter 10

You glanced around quickly, your mind a tornado of thoughts. _Is this real? Is he actually...he's so upset...his mother...she has to be...he's nearly 100, so she's...he'll never see his mother again...did he even get to say goodbye? I'm not supposed to be here, this feels so wrong, I need to get out of here, now!_  
You finally found the ability to move and you darted for the door. You weren't sure if you had gone out unnoticed or not, but you didn't stop to check. You hauled ass up the stairs and straight into your room where you flung yourself into your bed and threw the covers over you. You breathed heavily and lay there under the comforter, not sure of what to do with yourself. You weren't sure why you ran and hid under the covers, you weren't sure why you were still hiding, and you weren't sure why you hadn't shut your bedroom door when you ran in. Peeking over the blanket, you saw Steve propped against your door frame.  
"Why are we trying to run down the hall inconspicuously?" His eyes narrowed in amusement.  
You huffed loudly. "I didn't want to bother him," you simply stated.  
Steve raised an eyebrow, but he didn't question you any further. Instead, he turned to go back down the hall, calling back to you, "lunch will be ready soon!"  
 _Lunch? But it's hardly breakfast time..._  
You quickly shut your door and slipped into a pair of comfortable jeans and a t-shirt. You washed your face in your personal bathroom and looked at yourself in the mirror. You felt a slight pang in your chest. _Bucky doesn't have any family anymore. I suppose Steve really doesn't either. To just be frozen in time for so long and to wake up with nothing, it must feel...awful._

When you got downstairs, you noticed Sam leaning on the island with a beer in his hand. Steve was at the stove, stirring something in a pot, talking to Sam over his shoulder. You saw Bucky sitting at the table, scribbling in a journal. You stopped in the doorway to the living room where none of them would notice you.  
"So I say we call the guy, have him check her shoulder and then figure it out from there," Steve said, seeming to be mid-argument.

"She needs a hospital, those cuts could get infected and her shoulder could be fractured," Sam argued back. "Besides, we don't know this guy and he doesn't know us. What if he suspects Bucky? We don't even have a proper excuse."

You chuckled inwardly. _I always have an excuse prepared_.

"You act like you don't trust her judgment. I'm sure if her shoulder were in that much pain, she would have told us by now," Steve calmly held his side, paying less attention to Sam and more to whatever he was cooking.

"I just get the feeling she's like your cyborg friend over here and won't tell anyone if she's hurting." Sam shot a thumb over his shoulder at Bucky, who didn't react at all.

"Bucky just doesn't say a lot," Steve retorted. "[Y/N] tends to speak her mind, so I'm sure we would know if she was hurting."

"I'm not saying I don't trust her, I just don't think she's the kind to be outright with it. She's been living with Kyle as her closest friend for so long, and she lost her mom, so I'm sure she's that 'I don't want to be a burden' type."

You decided it was probably time to break up the kids and stop the argument before it got heated. You snickered to yourself silently. _They must miss fighting the bad guys because they sure do argue a lot. Worst way to get rid of pent up tension is to argue with your friends, guys._

"I'm just saying that I think she-"

"Who are we talking about, boys?" You strode into the dining room, making Bucky glance up at you as you passed through into the kitchen. Sam and Steve both jumped at the sound of your voice and you laughed. "Well, Steve, looks like you're not the only one that can use the element of surprise around here. So, who are we talking about?" You bent over, dropping your elbows onto the island, your chin into your hands, and you looked between the two of them. You had a little smile on your face, a knowing smile, but they didn't recognize it. They looked at each other and then averted their eyes.

Steve turned back to the cooking and cleared his throat. "So, [Y/N], how do you like chili dogs?" You moved closer to him, peering over the edge of the pot to find some not-so-bad looking chili. You shrugged and gave a small smile.

"You didn't ask me what I think," Bucky said loudly from the table. His voice sounded a little hoarse but you ignored it, immediately looking anywhere but in his direction.

Steve laughed and finally turned his back to the chili. "Buck, you always used to say you loved a good chili dog."

Bucky paused his scribbling for a moment and looked at Steve? "Yeah?" Steve nodded and Bucky began scribbling again. "Okay, well, that was 70-some-odd years ago." You squinted to try and make out what Bucky could be so desperately trying to get out onto paper. _He's writing so fast, that paper looks like it's about to just up and start smoking,_ you thought as you focused on his hand moving the pen at a furious speed. You hadn't realized how obvious you were being until you looked up just enough to see Bucky's eyes right on you. You jumped and turned your whole body around in one fluid motion, feeling a blush creep to your cheeks. _Why are you this way, why are you like this [Y/N],_ you thought to yourself, embarrassment overcoming you.

"I, for one, could use a few good hot dogs in my system," Sam barked out as he tossed the now empty beer bottle into the trashcan. Your eyes followed the bottle and you heard it hit more glass. As Sam and Steve picked up a new conversation, you scooted over to find quite a few empty bottles in the trash. _Is something wrong that they aren't telling me? Or are they just comfortable enough all of a sudden to drink all the beer in the house?_

A voice saying your name pulled you back to the current moment. "[Y/N]," Steve said with a chuckle. "Don't worry about all of those, we plan to replace them." You cocked your head in question. "The beer," Steve clarified. "Sam wanted one and Bucky wanted to see if the serum still affected his ability to get drunk. Most of those bottles are the beers he chugged while you were upstairs."

"The serum...?"

"Remember? That I told you about? The serum that made us super soldiers. It changed our metabolisms and bodily functions, and a side effect is that we can't get drunk."

"Yeah, but a few beers wouldn't do a refrigerator like you any good anyway," Sam smirked as Bucky, who had finally closed his journal, was sauntering into the kitchen. Bucky briefly mimicked Sam's smirk in a sarcastic way before pushing past him to stand closer to you and Steve. He made himself comfortable leaning against the counter next to the stove as you stood awkwardly by the trash and Sam looped around to Steve's other side.

You felt Bucky's gaze on you once again and you tensed. _Does he know that I know? What does he know? What do I know? What's going on?_ You were beginning to psych yourself out and Bucky was giving you a concerned look.

"[Y/N], are you-"

"I'm fine, I just...it's really hot in here, I need some air," you stammered, speaking quickly and then making a beeline for the back door. You shoved past the screen door and let it slam shut, hearing one of the boys murmur "what's up with her today" before you hopped off the porch and moved quickly around the house.

You took a deep, calming breath when you rounded the corner. You pulled your hands up to your face and rubbed your temples.

"Be calm, stay cool," you mumbled to yourself. "It's not that big of a deal. Steve was the one that pushed you in," you tried talking yourself out of your odd panic. "You're okay. You're fine. He probably doesn't know. None of them do. It's cool. This is what you went to school for, just act cool." You let your fingers reach your shoulders and you rubbed the right one. You let your fingers lightly press into the left shoulder a bit, but a pain pulsed through your upper back. _Still super bruised_ , you reminded yourself.

You wandered a ways out into the large backyard area and found Misty. You immediately plopped into the grass and called for your feline companion and she approached you happily. She hadn't gotten proper attention ever since the team moved in and she was missing you. She gave a faint meow as your fingers ran through her fur. You pulled her into your lap and she gave another meow as she situated herself and began rubbing her face into your shirt. You smiled down at her, petting her head lovingly. Not long after, there was a trail of kittens running towards you, searching for their mother. You giggled as Misty tried to avoid them, but they quickly piled into your lap and surrounded her.

You sat back, enjoying the company of the cat family. Seeing the early morning sun rays dance between the big, puffy clouds, you couldn't keep yourself from smiling. You lay down, back in the grass and eyes on the sky. What a wonderful place to get lost in thought.

 _Alright, so I need to call Dr. Johnson. Tell him that Kyle's big ass bull kicked me again. I had to get out of the pasture. If he sees it, tell him the bull damaged the fence. If he asks about the window, tell him you got careless when throwing the ball for Trig. She's a cattle dog, she could do some damage to a window if she chased the ball through,_ you laughed to yourself. That particular part of the story needed some brushing up, but you liked imagining the small cattle dog ramming through an entire window for a tennis ball. _I guess I'll send the boys out to do some work while Johnson is here so that he doesn't actually have to meet anyone. Tell him Kyle is out at the moment. That's not technically a lie. And then, as for the cuts, just say that...well...what would I say to cover that?_ You closed your eyes, trying to think of a reasonable excuse. _I mean, I could tell him I was practicing juggling knives._

You opened your eyes again and suddenly a dark figure was standing over you, blocking the sunlight. You turned your head to the side to see bare feet and dark pajama pants.

"Bucky?" Your voice sounded strained as you sat up, putting your hand over your eyes to shield from the sun.

"What are you doing down there?" His voice was booming compared to yours.

"I was just watching the clouds, playing with the..." your voice trailed off as you noticed the kittens had long abandoned you.

"Playing with the..?"

"Nothing," you shrugged. You pushed yourself up with your good arm and stood up straight, only coming to Bucky's shoulder. Tilting your head up you looked in his face and saw his usual bland lack of expression. "Did you need something," you asked sweetly.

"They wanted me to come get you to tell you the food is ready," Bucky said casually, giving the tiniest of smiles. You smiled back and laughed slightly.

"So you're the delivery boy, now?" Your smile only got bigger when he rolled his eyes and turned from you. You jogged up, struggling to match pace with him as you both headed towards the house. "Hey Bucky, can I ask a question?"

There was a moment of silence before he uttered a quick "sure."

"What were you writing in your journal?"

Bucky slowed down enough that you sped ahead of him before realizing he'd slowed his pace. His expression suggested that he was thinking hard for the right answer and you waited patiently.

"Well," he started quietly. "Sometimes I have memories. And I don't want to forget them, so I write them down. Just to kind of...you know, get back in touch with who I was," he said as he blinked slowly. You supposed he was trying to replay what he'd said so he would know if it had been a good answer.

You smiled brightly. "I think that's a great idea!"

"Really?"

"Of course!" Your smile must have been contagious because a grin began to creep onto Bucky's face. You got to the porch and you gestured for him to go in and that you'd be another minute. He disappeared into the house and you sighed. Your face fell back to the sad and concerned expression you'd had when you were in the music room with him. _I bet he was writing about his mom..._


	11. Chapter 11

It was 11:30 the next day before you picked up the phone to call Dr. Johnson. You'd managed to get out of calling the day before by assigning tasks to the boys so they could learn to help around the ranch. You'd shown each of them how to care for the animals, how to clean various buildings and machines, what signs to look for to know if something isn't right, etc. You were too tired to deal with the odd family doctor when you arrived back at the house in the late afternoon, so you just danced around the subject for the rest of the night.

Now that it was the next morning and you'd seen that the boys could handle the morning tasks fairly well, you were ready to call and get it over with. You'd asked Steve to go out to the barn and check on the calves while you had Sam go check each pasture for the location of the animals. Bucky had gone back up to his room after his chores were finished so you didn't bother him. _He'll probably stay up there if he isn't called down,_ you thought.

Dr. Johnson arrived fairly quickly and you greeted him at the door with a smile. _You were kicked by the bull, cut up by the window. The window broke because you fell into it. You fell into it because you tripped on the potted plant._ You quickly went over the story you'd materialized for the doctor, trying to brush up on details so that you weren't caught in your little lie. You hoped that Sam and Steve took their time out in the fields so that Johnson wouldn't ask questions.

You invited Dr. Johnson into the living room and offered him a cup of coffee. "Thank you, [Y/N], but I'm here to check on you. Is everything alright?" You smiled softly and explained with little detail that the bull had kicked you in the shoulder when you were out in the pasture a few nights prior. "This happened nights ago? Why wasn't I contacted sooner?"

You smiled sheepishly. "I thought it wasn't that big of a deal, but something told me that I should have it checked out just in case."

"And these cuts on your face and arm are from what?" The doctor looked over the top of his glasses at you, examining your arm.

"I fell through the window. I was trying to clean the porch and got a little carried away when I was dancing," you laughed, hoping you were being convincing. "I tripped over one of Kyle's many plants."

"And fell through the window," Johnson repeated slowly, turning your arm over in his hands, his eyes never leaving the cut. You nodded, giving a vocal affirmation. He glanced up at you, his expression remaining still and vague. He moved to examine the cut on your cheek and rubbed the small scabbed over spot on your nose.

"Well," he sighed as he leaned back. "You seem to be caring for the cuts well. Are there any more that I should see?" You shook your head and smiled. "Alright then, let's see this shoulder." You turned around and lifted the back of your shirt, pulling one side over your left shoulder. Over the next 10 minutes, the doctor had you move your arm, breathe in at varying times, roll your head around, and bend to see if pressure caused pain in your chest cavity. Nothing hurt other than your shoulder, which felt like one giant bruise. And that's all the doctor summed it up to be, to your surprise. _So Steve was right._

"It seems like you got off the hook here. I suggest just taking it easy. Have Kyle do the morning work for a while and don't put too much strain on your shoulder or arm. If the swelling and bruising don't go down after a few days, just call me again. Make sure to apply some heat to it to help it heal up. You might want to..."

The man's words faded into each other as you'd stopped paying attention. Your eyes were locked on Bucky, who was quietly coming down the stairs. You stared at him until he looked up and realized that the person talking wasn't someone he knew. He froze on the stairs and locked eyes with you. His eyes were wide now, like a kid caught with his hand in the cookie jar. You were about to gesture for him to go back up the stairs but by now the doctor had noticed that he lost your attention.

"[Y/N], are you listening?" You snapped back and looked at Johnson for a moment before nodding.

"Yeah, no, I just got lost in thought. I was thinking about _going upstairs_ for something," you practically hissed out. You saw out of the corner of your eyes that it registered and Bucky turned, trying to tiptoe back up the stairs.

"Okay," the doctor said slowly, his brows furrowing. He closed his eyes and shook his head before collecting his papers and pushing his glasses up on his nose. "Well, the important thing is to put heat on your shoulder, continue to clean your cuts and stop getting kicked by the animals."

You laughed and stood, thanking Dr. Johnson, moving towards the door to try and persuade him to leave without saying anything.

"So, where is Kyle at? I thought I would have seen him by now," Johnson said as he glanced back into the kitchen and then down the hallway to the study. You swallowed hard and smiled, beginning to worry that Johnson would insist on looking around. You were just about to explain that your father was out fishing when a worse fear came true.

"Hey [Y/N], I was walking back and saw one of those kitt-" Steve had come through the back door and was just walking into the living room when he saw Dr. Johnson looking straight at him with wide, inquisitive eyes. You quickly walked over to Steve and put your hand on his shoulder, giving him a tight smile and panicked eyes. He picked up on your urgent expression and looked to the doctor. "Hi...it's nice to meet you." Steve chose his words carefully, sticking his hand out for the doctor to shake. When there was no reciprocation, Steve balled his fist and dropped his extended hand to his side. You smiled awkwardly, trying to ease this odd tension. Johnson looked at Steve's fist and his eyes narrowed.

"[Y/N], may I see your shoulder again," the doctor asked, almost coldly, as he looked at Steve's face again. In comparison to Johnson's smaller frame and subtle muscles, Steve looked like a crazed bodybuilder.

"But you said it was fine," you responded, confused as to why he would want to see it again all of a sudden.

"[Y/N], who is this?"

"This is my friend. He's visiting from the city," you answered casually, trying to avoid names. _Would regular people know a super hero's real name? Better not risk it._

"Where is Kyle?"

"He went out fishing with some friends. I thought he deserved a break so he left-"

"Does Kyle know that this man is here with you?"

Suddenly it clicked. You took a sharp breath of surprise and blinked a few times. "Of course he does," you stated firmly, offended at what your family doctor had just accused you of. His demeanor didn't change.

"Let me look at your shoulder again," Johnson said coolly.

You reluctantly turned, pulling your shirt up to reveal your bruise. Steve gave you a sideways glance and you glanced back, both of you understanding each other's alarm.

"[Y/N], tell me the truth," Johnson sighed heavily, glaring at Steve now. You let your shirt drop back down and you faced the doctor with concern written all over your face. "Did this man hit you?"

You nearly screamed out your answer. "No! No, no, no, he would never hit me!" You tried your best to sound calm and sincere, but you were on the verge of shaking. _Does my bruise look like a fucking fist indent?_

Steve's face went red. Embarrassment? He lowered his head slightly, letting his hand creep around your shoulders to pull you closer. _Not embarrassment. No, this is anger._

"I would never touch [Y/N] with the intent to harm her, and I'm extremely offended that you would suggest such a thing." Steve's voice boomed through the room, startling you.

The doctor seemed unphased, holding his ground. "You know, I've seen quite a few cases of domestic violence and anger at being accused is a telltale sign."

You felt Steve's arm tense and you feared the worst. _Please, please let this end without blood,_ you pleaded silently.

"You must not know who I am," Steve hissed, threatening to reveal his own secret identity.

"Care to enlighten me?" The doctor's arrogant aura was filling the space and you closed your eyes, wishing to melt into the floor and be gone.

There was a jumble of loud voices and Steve had stepped forward when the front door swung open. Your eyes shot open to find your father standing in the doorway, an innocent look of confusion on his face. You sighed. _Oh boy._

Seated around the living room, Dr. Johnson retold the events of the last hour to your father. Steve was silent, sitting in the recliner with his jaw tensed and his eyes fixed on the doctor. _Why is he doing this? What snapped?_ Your father had listened patiently and, once the doctor was finished laying out his abusive Steve theory, he turned to you for your side of the story. You said exactly what you had said to the doctor, mentioning the bull, the window and the potted plant. Your father didn't show his feelings on his face, instead seeming impartial until he knew all sides. You finished your explanation with a strong "I wouldn't lie to you Kyle, and I'm not lying when I say that Steve did not harm me in any way."

Kyle sat for a moment and processed before standing and facing the doctor. "If she says he didn't hit her, then I believe her," he announced. Johnson looked at him in disbelief, but chose not to argue any further. Kyle thanked him for his assistance and saw him out after a few more hushed words. You let your eyes wander and you found Sam leaning on the counter in the kitchen, but you didn't know how much he had heard. You hadn't seen or heard from Bucky since he went back up the stairs.

Your father closed the door and turned around, looking full on at you and Steve, You felt like the two of you were about to be reprimanded for the doctor's crazy accusations. You were about to speak before your father stopped you.

"[Y/N], I know a bull didn't kick you in the shoulder. I know you wouldn't just fall through a window. I don't even keep my plants under the windows. So I want to know the truth. What happened?"

You swallowed hard and looked to Steve. His head was down and he sighed heavily, straightening his posture and looking to your father. You had a feeling he was about to start all the way from the beginning.

"Kyle, you may want to sit down because this is one long story."


	12. Chapter 12

You lay in your bed, staring at the ceiling. You were tossing a small stuffed rabbit in the air and catching it, keeping a steady rhythm as it flew up and fell back.

 _What a week._ You were finally feeling overwhelmed with the events of the past few days. _Bucky has a metal arm. It's real and it's metal and he has a metal arm._ You really wanted to see it again but after the day you learned of it, he'd gone back to wearing thin long sleeve shirts. He didn't cover his hand so often as he had, but he was good at keeping it hidden.

 _Steve and Bucky are practically 100. They could be my great-grandfathers. Well, not physically. Physically they could be older brothers. But fuck, they're 97 and 99. And Steve's birthday is July 4th? Like? He really is Captain America..._ You caught your rabbit again and pulled it into a tight hug. _Bucky went through so much that he still has nightmares. He doesn't have, what, half of his memories? Yet he can remember things like promising his mother he would play the piano? He must be miserable most of the time...but he writes down everything he remembers anyway..._ You pulled the rabbit up to your chin and took a deep breath.

 _And Steve lost the woman he loved because of old age. He lost all of his friends by sacrifice but he lived anyway. He went to sleep in the 40s and woke up in 2012. What kind of transition must that have been?_ You rolled onto your side. _And Sam was in the Air Force._ You let your eyes wander aimlessly. You'd always been terrified of the military or the thought of joining. You've heard the stories of death and gore, sacrifice and pain. Of course you respected the people that could do that in the name of their own country, but you were afraid of it. _He has to have his own nightmares and fears just from that,_ you thought.

You frowned. _These boys have gone through so much._ Your eyelids slowly closed and you practically had your rabbit in a headlock. _They must hurt so much sometimes, but they're so...they're so happy and kind and grateful of everything..._ You drifted off slowly, thinking of the three men that had only just stepped into your life two weeks ago.

There was a soft knocking on your door. You groaned and shifted your legs, but you didn't get up. You heard the door creak open slowly and you thought heard a very faint "aw." You weren't sure who was at the door until the voices drifted over closer to the bed.

"She's got her little rabbit," you heard Steve whisper.

"Yeah, she named it Velvet when she was younger. You know, after that story-"

"The Velveteen Rabbit," Steve said softly, cutting Kyle off. The two chuckled quietly.

"Her mother used to read that story to her all the time," Kyle commented, a tinge of sorrow in his soft voice.

"She told us about it, Sam and I. She really misses her mother, doesn't she?"

Kyle was silent, but Steve made a small sound as if Kyle had confirmed. There was silence in the room for a minute or two.

"I suppose we should wake her up. It's about to be time for dinner," Kyle sighed.

"I can wake her if you'd like," Steve suggested. "You probably need a nap yourself after that story." There was a chuckle.

"Well, you boys have certainly been through a lot," Kyle agreed. Another long pause. Their voices drifted back to the door and you couldn't understand what was said, but you heard Kyle leave.

You felt a hand softly press on your right shoulder. "[Y/N]," Steve cooed, shaking you gently. You still weren't awake enough to reply so you just scrunched your face and rolled over. Steve picked up Velvet and had an idea. He set the rabbit up on your side, holding it's middle. He hopped it up and down and used a little voice, pretending the rabbit was speaking. "[Y/N], it's time to wake up, friend," Steve had the rabbit say, making his voice sillier as he spoke. "Come on, [Y/N], I wanna go play outside! Let's go play! You've been sleeping all day!"

You giggled as Steve gently rubbed your nose with the rabbit's little nose. You turned your head to look at Steve who was smiling down at you. He tickled your face with the rabbit's whiskers.

"Come on [Y/N], it's time to wake up!" Steve continued the silly voice, bouncing the rabbit on your side again. You laughed, took your rabbit in your hands and rolled onto your back. Steve's smile was warm and he sat on the edge of the bed.

"That's not the voice he would have," you giggled, sitting up and hugging Velvet to you.

"He? I thought its name was Velvet," Steve inquired.

"It is, I named him after the Velveteen Rabbit. He doesn't have to have a boyish name to be a boy," you smiled, petting Velvet's ears down and watching them spring back up.

Steve shrugged in agreement and watched as you kissed the stuffed rabbit's head and set it tenderly on your pillow. You looked to Steve again, a question sitting on your mind. "Steve, what did Kyle say about..well.." You shrugged your left shoulder to indicate what you meant.

"He said he wanted to see it for himself before deciding what to do. He doesn't think it would be a good idea to have Dr. Johnson back and-"

"No, Steve, I meant about...what did he say about Bucky?"

"Oh," he said quietly. "Well, he was very understanding," he started but paused. You waited patiently for the answer. "He was upset at first, but I explained the situation to the best of my ability. Kyle listened to everything and was calm. He asked to see Bucky, and asked to talk about it with him. Bucky told him about his nightmares and how he was never really aware of what he'd done while sleepwalking. Bucky was sincere and said that he never wanted to hurt you, and he told Kyle about his plan to speak with Tony. Kyle took some time to process it all, but he took Bucky into his study and they spoke for a while. I'm not sure about what all was said, but when they came back out Kyle seemed fine and Bucky seemed fine. That's when we decided to come get you for dinner. You slept through lunch time," he finished with a small smile.

He stood, patting you on the leg. Walking towards the door, he gave you another charming smile. You sat on the bed, staring. "Wash up and head down, Sam cooked tonight and he's excited for everyone to try it." And with that, he was gone.

Sam was beaming as everyone sat at the table eating the steaks he had made. You hadn't realized that Kyle brought home groceries since Johnson had been the main attraction when Kyle came in hours ago. You also hadn't known how great a cook Sam was. You told him this repeatedly, informing him that you hadn't had such great cooking in a while. Steve gasp, acting offended when you'd said that, mentioning his chili dogs from that morning.

"You had chili dogs for breakfast?" Kyle asked as the rest of you laughed.

"To be fair, these animals have eaten almost everything else in the house in the past few days," you laughed loudly, looking mainly at Bucky.

"What? A guy can't get hungry," he retorted, continuing to eat.

Steve pointed to his friend and, between laughs, said, "you don't even have a full body to feed! Technically you should be eating less than me!"

You didn't laugh at first, quickly glancing to Bucky to see if he would actually be offended by the peg at his arm. His face scrunched, but he retaliated and laughed with everyone.

"You're always worried about your figure, that's why you don't eat as much. Captain America, more like Miss America," he quipped. _Did they have Miss America pageants in the 40's or has he just been catching up on his modern day models?_ Steve put a hand on his chest, letting his mouth hang open in mock offense.

Kyle seemed to be enjoying the company of the guys now that they'd relaxed and opened up a bit. Before he'd gone on his trip, they were still relatively tame when around everyone, but now they were picking on each other, laughing loudly, talking freely and acting the way Kyle had in when he was young.

"So, Steve told me you showed them the ropes around here," Kyle smiled across the table to you. You, with a mouth full of steak, nodded awkwardly. _Way to bring me into the conversation as soon as I take a huge bite, Kyle._

"She showed us how to clean the stables, clean the horses, check the cows, collect hay, and herd the animals all in one day," Sam chimed in.

"Well, herding cattle is the easy one since Trig does most of the work," Kyle laughed.

"Yeah, except that dog hates me," Bucky muttered.

Steve howled with laughter as he recalled Bucky running around the cattle himself, attempting to herd when all Trig would do is cower behind you and growl at the metal-armed stranger. Kyle and Sam burst out laughing and Bucky tried defending himself as he cracked up with the rest of them.

You watched on as the boys and your father continued conversing and laughing over the rest of dinner. Even though it wasn't all that you had imagined, and half of your guests were out at the moment, you felt very content with this little family you had.

Steve and Bucky offered to clean up since Sam had cooked and they refused to let you or Kyle help, calling it "their treat." This gave you some time to yourself and you decided to go out and look at the few stars that were out this early in the evening. You considered going to the fence to stargaze, but decided it may be best to sit in the yard instead. _Can't have another fence ruined in case Bucky goes bonkers again_. There was a single swing hanging from a large tree in the backyard and you smiled as you approached it. You weren't much for swinging here anymore, but you sat anyway, gently swaying your legs so you only moved a little. You leaned on one of the ropes that held the swing and looked up.

You always loved the constellations and lore behind them. You enjoyed lore, tall tales and myths in general, but the stars captivated you. Even beyond the stories, the fact that these bright balls of gas and chemicals were way out in the galaxy yet their light could reach you anyway was something fascinating to you.

"I remember what your mother used to say to you about the stars," Kyle's voice drifted behind you. You didn't look away but nodded. "'See all those stars? Every one of 'em has a special story,' she would say. And you would always get so excited, pointin' to one and asking her for its story. And she would laugh and sit in the grass with you and tell you some kind of adventure that the star had been on. And you would cry at each story, but I never figured out why," Kyle confessed. "And she would tell you, 'whenever you look up, you're always lookin' into the past. Each of those stars has an age just like you do, but their age just tells us how long it takes for their light to get here to us. If that star is 5 years old, then that's just how old the light is that we're seein'. If you could teleport to that star right now, it might look different 'cause this light ain't what it gives off right now.' She would always tell you that and you would always ask the whys and hows and she would spend hours tellin' you all about the universe. She may have been an artist, but she sure did know a helluva lot about the sciences." You sighed, reliving all the times you had sat in the backyards of the apartments you'd lived in as a kid, looking at the stars with your mother. The stars were always the only reason you'd want to go outside and your mother was always teaching you everything she knew.

Kyle leaned on the tree behind you and laid his hand on your left shoulder. You winced and shrugged his hand off quickly, turning to face him for a moment. His face scrunched up and he looked up to the sky.

"How bad does it hurt?"

You turned your face back to the sky as well, relaxing against the swing rope again. "It only hurts when there's pressure on it now. Like a normal bruise, just bigger."

"Johnson is still convinced you were hit by Steve," Kyle murmured. "He called when you were nappin' and he told me that y'all were acting suspicious and asked me all about Steve. He wanted to know your history and how he knew us and why he was stayin' here and all that bullshit." Kyle sighed, chuckling a little. "That man has always been nosy."

"Maybe he decided to be a small town doctor because it's easier to hear gossip and rumors," you laughed.

Kyle didn't laugh and instead moved the subject back to your shoulder. "So he hit you pretty hard, huh?"

You looked at the ground. "Yeah, it was enough to get me off the ground. Did Steve tell you about that?"

"He told me you threw yourself under the fence again. I told you that's not good for you, didn't I?"

"Well, you also said that if a bull is chasing you, you've gotta get out of the way." You swung your legs a little, getting enough momentum to swing slightly.

"Okay, I'll give you that," Kyle responded. The two of you sat in silence for a minute before he picked up conversation again. "How do you feel about Bucky?"

The question surprised you a little, but you continued your slow swinging and thought for a moment. "I like him, he's pretty funny if you can get passed his quiet, scary exterior." This got a chuckle from Kyle. "But, really. I do like him. He's just trying to adjust and he's scared and missing a lot of memories and life in general. Steve is his best friend..his _only_ friend, really. I just wanted him to feel comfortable here, and not have to worry about something every waking moment, you know? I'll be sad to see him go."

"I don't think you need to worry 'bout that," Kyle said nonchalantly, still gazing at the sky. This got your attention and you looked up at him in surprise.

"What do you mean?"

"I talked to him for a while after Johnson left. I think a lot of the reason he wanted to go was that he felt like I would be too upset to let him stay. I told him that as long as you could forgive him then so could I. He told me a lot about what happened in his past. As much as he could remember, anyway. I don't know if he did it because he felt obligated to explain his bizarre nightmares or if it was because he felt like he could confide in me. Either way, he looked to feel a little better afterwards."

You let your head hang a little and you smiled to yourself. _No wonder he was in such a good mood at dinner._

"Have you seen his arm?"

You laughed out loud at this question. "Yeah, it's insane isn't it?"

You and your father sat outside for another twenty minutes, gushing about Bucky's arm and how amazing it was. You were happy that you weren't the only one fascinated by the intricacy and craftsmanship.

 _I don't know how they do it. I don't even know how I did it. But it sure feels good to get through weird situations and tough times and still be able to laugh. Maybe having them here has done me more good than it's done them. Either way, I sure am glad they're here._


	13. Chapter 13

You stood quietly in Kyle's study, skimming the shelves for your favorite book of legends and tales. You knew it was in here, it had to be.

When you were growing up, Kyle had bought the book for you and read it to you before bed every night. One night he told a story about little elves that would steal objects from people and hide them somewhere in the person's home. You had taken particular interest in that story and developed a habit of blaming the elves when your things would go missing. Since then, Kyle always played a little game with you; he would take the book when you were sleeping or out at school and he would hide it somewhere in the house. Then he would wait patiently for you to notice it missing and come running up to him to tell him that the little elves had taken your book again. The two of you would always go hunting for it and eventually find it. You would put your book in different places to try and trick the elves, but to no avail. They always seemed to get to it.

You had been very fond of this game, even after you realized it was Kyle hiding it. You caught him one night coming in for the book, but you didn't say anything. Instead, you watched him carry it out and paid close attention to him when you were searching for it. He conveniently knew exactly where to look to find it and your suspicions were confirmed. However, you never told him. You had seen how much he enjoyed the game and you weren't quite ready for the magic to be over yourself, so you played along well into your pre-teen years.

The game eventually stopped and you spent your years in middle and early high school sometimes wishing to see the book gone one day. But in your mother's absence, Kyle seemed to forget a lot of what made him happy. That is, until the two of you moved onto the ranch. You had been filled with anxiety at the thought of moving out of a city apartment and onto a huge, isolated piece of property with no neighbors or anything for miles. Kyle had seen your panic and, while unpacking various boxes, he found your book and pointed it out, mentioning that if you weren't careful an elf might take it. And sure enough, the next morning you couldn't find it.

Back then you weren't searching very hard for it as your mind had been preoccupied with other matters, but now you were hell bent on finding it. Since you'd returned from college, you designated at least one full day out of every month to searching the book out. You never mentioned this to Kyle; you were waiting for the day you finally found it to bring it up and see him smile as you say something about outsmarting those dastardly elves once again.

After years of searching, you'd finally made it down to just one possibility: it had to be in Kyle's extensive library, hiding somewhere in plain sight. You hummed to yourself as you scanned the bookshelf you stood in front of. _I'm surprised it wasn't in the library upstairs,_ you thought. The third floor was basically an attic split into a library and a bedroom with a small bathroom, and you had searched up there earlier that morning. _I thought for sure that if it was in with some books, it would be up here,_ you had thought to yourself after looking through every shelf. _Unless...that sneaky bastard hid it downstairs in his study!_ And with that you had begun the extensive search through various theory, science, and animal anatomy books in the back of Kyle's study. He was an intelligent man, always trying to learn something new, so you had thousands of book spines to look over.

By now, you had been staring at books for hours and you were just about ready to take a break for lunch when you heard the study door open. You were in the very back so whoever came in didn't see you right away. You thought it just to be Kyle and searched a bit more, swearing that after this row you would go grab a sandwich.

"Well, Kyle, it's a good thing you told him to stay because they can't leave here for a while. But then, you knew that too," Tony's voice rang through the large room. You suddenly stiffened, feeling like you were invading the privacy of their conversation.

"Hey, Kyle, I'm in here," you called out, hoping that you hadn't heard something you shouldn't have. You heard a quiet "oh" come from the direction of Kyle's desk and you peaked around the bookshelf you were behind. You saw Kyle and Tony standing there staring back at you and you smiled sweetly. "Hope I didn't interrupt anything."

"As a matter of fact, you did," Tony continued in his somewhat monotone voice. "But it may be something you need to know anyway. Come, have a seat." Tony gestured to the large chair at the desk and you approached cautiously, looking to Kyle for an answer. He looked a little drained. _Tony's been talking for a while, I bet._

"Kyle, [Y/N], I've been keeping something from those boys. Natasha knows and Vision knows, but Steve, Sam, and James don't know. I brought them here because, yes, the tower was compromised and needed evacuation, but the problem has been resolved. They don't know that. I took Vision back to New York with Wanda only to check on details. Wanda was told that she needs to go stealth for a few months, while the government settles this dispute over what to do. I presume Steve gave you some backstory, he loves to talk about himself. Those three and Wanda went against the government on their last mission and now they need to lay low. Now, I know Steve well enough to know that he can't resist helping people. More of an Achilles heel if you ask me. So that's more of the reason I brought them out here, to keep them from getting suspicious and outing themselves. I can't trust them to just stay hidden on their own. They meddle too much," Tony sighed, waving his hand while he explained. He had been pacing around the small space in front of the desk while he spoke and he now looked in your direction.

"When I got back here yesterday I told Steve that the tower was still a target and it wasn't safe to return yet. I also told him that our enemy was searching around close to the Texas borders and getting closer, so maybe that'll convince him to be quiet for a while. I'm trusting you not to tell them why they're here, but at the same time make sure they lay low. If they're found, there will be consequences. Especially keep an eye on Metal Man. He's a feisty one."

You scrunched your eyebrows, unsure of what to think. _I mean, it seems like it's for their own good,_ you argued inwardly. _But Steve just wants to help people, that's not a bad thing. But I guess if the government is after him, it could be bad._

"I can keep a secret," Kyle said calmly. He turned his head to the side, gesturing to you with it. "She can too, trust me. I didn't know she was datin' a boy for two years until they'd been broken up for three months." You snickered and Kyle smiled and faced Tony again.

Tony nodded approvingly. "Alright, I'm trusting you two. Also, Natasha and I will be in and out so as not to raise suspicion with the boys, but if we leave we may be gone for a while so as not to raise suspicion with the authority. Which means I'll need a space for myself while I am here. A study of sorts. Like this one," Tony rambled, looking around the room. You saw the uncomfortable expression that was resting on Kyle's face.

"Well, you can move up to the attic where Vision was supposed to be," you suggested hurriedly. "There's a whole library up there and a bedroom, so you'd have space and be alone."

Tony smiled. "Perfect."

After the long talk in the study, you decided to look elsewhere for your book that afternoon. Tony and Kyle were still in the study even after lunch so you decided against intruding. _Maybe I overlooked it somewhere._ You opted to look in the dining room and kitchen for a little while, sifting through the display cases, the pantry, the shelves and in the kitchen cabinets. You hadn't heard anyone in the house for a while, so you started singing while you looked, dancing a little in place from time to time. You must not have known how loud you were being because you eventually attracted the attention the boys.

"Well, [Y/N], I thought maybe I shouldn't say anything so I don't scare you," Steve's voice overpowered yours easily. You squeaked in surprise and turned around quickly so see Steve leaned on the island while Sam was chuckling beside him and Bucky was peering into the cookie jar. Steve laughed loudly and continued, "but I suppose if you had turned around to see us you would have been taken by surprise anyway."

 _Steve snuck up on me again, scaring the ever loving life out of me. What else is new?_

"What are you looking for?" Sam smiled as he asked.

"Oh, nothing," you shrugged and sat in the chair next to you. "Just a book I lost."

"When'd you lose it?" Bucky inquired with a mouth full of cookie. Sam shot him a look and Bucky shrugged innocently. "What?"

"I actually lost it a few years ago," you laughed.

"Well, damn, how long have you been looking for this thing?" Sam came and sat in the chair across from you, setting his glass of water on the table carefully.

"Well, it's kind of a long story," you giggled.

"We've got time," Steve smiled, sitting next to Sam. Bucky wandered over and sat at the foot of the table which was to your right. He held three more cookies and had another in his mouth. You giggled again, shaking your head.

"If you insist," you smiled. You started from the beginning, being sure to mention in detail how excited you were to receive the book in the first place. You explained how Kyle had read the stories and began the game and how long you were clueless to his plan. You told them about the night that you discovered the truth and how you decided to keep it a secret.

"I actually kept it from him pretty well, feigning ignorance until...until it was just he and I." Your eyebrows furrowed and they picked up on what you meant. "It was after...after mom...one day I found him sitting on the couch and he hadn't moved all day. He wasn't doing anything, he was just sitting there staring at a picture of her. I didn't know what to do for a the longest time, but then I went into their room and saw one of her necklaces on the bed. I thought it would be a good idea to hide it and try to get him to play the game one more time, you know?" You sniffled, wiped your nose on your sleeve and continued. "I went and told him that the elves hid the necklace. I was probably 14 or something, so I should have known it wouldn't have gone over well. He tried to smile at the gesture, but I only remember him saying, 'yeah, the elves took her too, didn't they?' And after that I just didn't bother him."

Your eyes were watery and all three boys had a hand extended towards you in an attempt to comfort. Bucky tilted his head slightly and had a thoughtful yet concerned expression. You glanced up and saw him, giving a confused expression in return. He seemed to ponder something before asking, "[Y/N], what..what happened to your mother?"

The room was silent for what seemed like forever. You tried to take a deep breath, thinking quickly on what to say. Sam immediately told you that it was okay and you didn't have to answer, but you shrugged.

"I...well, she...I, um..." you struggled to find the right words. "She, uh...she died." The boys all gave sad expressions. "She got sick. It wasn't anyone's fault," you strung together words slowly. "She didn't want to go, she fought it so hard. She just...she wasn't strong enough." You rubbed at your eyes, your hands sliding in the tears. You wiped your nose again and stood up. "But it's okay, we're okay now. I just want to find my book because Kyle hid it when we got here."

"We'll help," Sam suggested, standing with you. "Where all have you looked already?"


	14. Chapter 14

**[This part is NOT strictly from Reader's POV]**

With Kyle back, [Y/N] found it easier to focus on her tasks. She was able to pay attention to the boys when they worked with her because they took turns between helping her and Kyle. After about a week, she and Kyle gave Sam, Steve and Bucky permanent jobs around the ranch.

Kyle saw that Steve worked best out in the fields, so he had Steve shadow him, tending to the cows and pastures, helping him when needed and learning how to do the more physically demanding jobs. Sam was intelligent and Kyle saw that he worked well when it came to bookkeeping. While Sam often got up early and helped with the animals, Kyle showed him the ropes of record keeping and began training him in that department.

[Y/N] could see that Bucky was trying. He would attempt to get up at 4:30 with the rest of them and he pushed himself to do the best he could even though he wasn't the best with animals. Ultimately, he began shadowing [Y/N]. She found him useful when it came to cleaning the stables and moving hay, and she knew she could put those muscles to good use. After the boys were told of their new jobs, Kyle pulled Steve aside.

"You'll be shadowin' me, but could ya help keep an eye on Buck when you can? I trust him, but I wanna make sure he's adjustin' right." Steve had only nodded in response, understanding the concern. Bucky hadn't been doing well with the horses lately and [Y/N] hadn't seemed to notice. So Steve, on his way from the pastures to the barn every morning, began checking up on [Y/N] and Bucky.

Bucky watched [Y/N] as she gently caressed the horse's muzzle. He had just finished cleaning the last stall and was about to ask for his next task, but he paused for a minute. He watched [Y/N]. She put her forehead against the horse's face and she sang a little song very quietly. It sounded like some kind of lullaby to Bucky, but she was too far for him to hear her words, only the tune. She kissed the horse just above the curve of its nose and she pet its long face lovingly. Bucky leaned against the stall door and looked on in amazement. He couldn't understand how someone could have such a connection with an animal while he couldn't even get a cattle dog to herd.

Before [Y/N] could catch him staring, Bucky straightened up, picked up the pitchfork and whistled to her to get her attention. She turned her head and smiled to him, holding up a finger to indicate that she would be there in a minute. He gave a small smile back to her as she looked away. She pat the horse's neck and kept her hand there to lead it back to the corral it had been in. Bucky looked on from the barn and smiled to himself as he watched. It was refreshing to see a place never touched by war and terror for once. To see a person that could smile through each day and find something to love in everything. That's how he saw this place and these people, anyway. He longed to be so carefree.

"Hey, Buck. How's the work going?" Steve's voice didn't take Bucky by surprise anymore. He nodded, still watching [Y/N].

"It is what it is," he muttered. He'd gotten used to Steve checking on him every morning pretty quickly. He almost liked the sentiment even though he knew he was the one being checked on because he had potential to be problematic.

Steve moved to stand beside him, looking out to see what Bucky was so focused on. His eyes found [Y/N], visibly talking to the horse as it stood in the corral. She seemed to be comforting or reassuring it. Her face was expressive and gave her away. Steve chuckled, "she's something, isn't she?"

Bucky grinned and gave a small "uh-huh" in agreement. The boys watched as [Y/N] used her hands to speak, giving the horse some kind of speech. Steve shook his head in amusement, but there was a part of him that found it endearing. The innocence of it made him feel warm. It was quite the contrast to the battles and destruction he'd been seeing a lot of lately. He savored the moments like this that reminded him that humans could still be pure of heart.

"So, Kyle is planning to go see his mother on Sunday," Steve finally interjected. "For Mother's Day," he added quickly, knowing Bucky wouldn't remember the date. "He's not sure about going though. He knows [Y/N] won't want to go, but he doesn't want to leave her because-"

"I know," Bucky stopped him. He wasn't sure that he wanted to talk about this. He knew it would probably be hard on [Y/N], and even Steve. Days like Mother's and Father's day were easy to forget and it was better that way in Bucky's mind. He didn't want to think about what all he may have had before. Sometimes he wasn't sure that he wanted to remember any of it.

Steve let his eyes fall to the ground and his eyebrows scrunch slightly. "I just don't want her to end up dwelling on it," he mumbled.

"Yeah, and we shouldn't dwell on it either."

"We could all distract each other," Steve looked at Bucky, letting his eyebrows raise slightly. It was more of a suggestion, but he was going to try it no matter what Bucky said.

"What would we do?"

"I guess we'll just have to find out," Steve answered with a small grin.

Saturday was more hectic than normal days. Kyle was scrambling to get on the road as his mother was a state over and he had a ways to drive, but he was still worrying about his daughter. [Y/N] had spent most of the morning out with the horses and she had asked that Bucky stay behind this morning. This spurred new doubt and worry in Kyle as well as Steve.

Kyle had just finished loading up his truck and was pacing the front porch. Waiting for [Y/N] to return to the house before he left only made Kyle more antsy and he finally looked to Steve with a childlike sadness.

"I shouldn't go," Kyle said desperately.

"Kyle, you already told your mother you'd see her. She's getting older, you need to go see her this weekend. You never know when it'll be the last time you see her," Steve answered, sadness taking over the last of his words.

"You're right," Kyle agreed without hesitation. "But [Y/N] isn't back yet and I need to get goin' before-"

"We'll take care of it," Sam said as he walked through the front door onto the porch. "You go ahead and go. We'll give her plenty of hugs for you."

Kyle hesitated and his face fell. He knew he needed to leave and [Y/N] seemed to want her alone time this morning. Giving in, he gave Steve and Sam quick pats on the back before hopping down the front steps hurriedly. "Tell her that I love her and I'll see her Monday," Kyle shouted over his shoulder as he lifted himself into his truck.

"Will do," Steve shouted back, waving to the truck as it turned away from the house. "Have you seen her this morning," Steve asked Sam just as the truck was out of sight.

"She was out riding when I flew over."

"How far out?"

"Pretty far. She was riding fast, but not in any particular direction. Probably clearing her head. Tomorrow is Mother's Day after all."

"She didn't see you, did she?" Steve glanced at Sam.

Sam gave an airy laugh. "You think I got into the Avengers by being that easily caught?"

"No, I think you got in because of me," Steve joked as he playfully punched Sam in the shoulder.

Bucky sat in his room for most of the day, but he knew that [Y/N] hadn't come back yet. Since that morning when she politely asked him not to accompany her for the chores, he had aimlessly walked around his room. He wasn't sure what it was, but something wasn't sitting right with him.

Sam and Steve had come up to fill him in on the situation shortly after Kyle had left. It didn't make him feel much better, but he'd tried to calm himself down by reading. He knew he didn't have the patience to read a whole book, but it was a distraction for a while.

At around 2:00 in the afternoon, [Y/N] finally returned to the house. Bucky heard the back screen door slam and he knew it had to be her because Steve was too polite to let the door slam and Sam always used the french doors in the dining room to get to the porch. Bucky made his way to the kitchen to find [Y/N] there with a sandwich in one hand and her phone in the other. She was staring at the screen with no expression and he cleared his throat. She looked up briefly and gave him a small smile before looking back to her phone. A concerned look took over her features and Bucky noticed but outwardly ignored it. He was used to hiding his emotions and decided it was ultimately better that way. He moved past [Y/N] to get to the refrigerator for a drink and rubbed the top of her head on his way. It was a small gesture, but he knew that even the smallest ones meant something to her. She looked up at him and gave him a real smile this time. He smiled back before grabbing his drink and slipping back into the living room. That smile was all he needed to know that she would be okay. She just needed time. He understood that better than anyone.


	15. Chapter 15

**[This part is NOT strictly from Reader's POV]**

For the rest of the day, [Y/N] was quiet. Steve, Sam and Bucky were constantly exchanging glances, each one inwardly wondering what to do. She had agreed to watch a movie with them and she sat in the recliner as opposed to on the sofa between Sam and Steve where she would usually sit. Bucky sat in the love seat across the room, stealing glances at [Y/N] as she watched the movie. There were times, however, that Bucky could see an emptiness in her eyes. She seemed lifeless and so unlike herself.  
After the movie was over, Steve awkwardly stood and suggested another movie. Sam agreed, but before they could pick something else to watch, [Y/N] stood up and silently left the room. The boys looked between each other and back towards the hallway she had gone down.  
"It's not even Mother's Day yet," Bucky grumbled. Seeing [Y/N] like this put him in a bad mood from the get go.  
"We have to be easy on her," Sam rebutted. "We don't know what she went through when she lost her mom."  
"But we have to do something. I can't stand to see her like this," Steve argued back. He was tense and kept the same worried expression that he'd been wearing all day.  
Sam stood and put his hand on Steve's shoulder. "Sometimes there's nothing you can do. Let her be, she may just need to work this out on her own."  
Steve sighed heavily. "Maybe you're right. But tomorrow I'm not leaving her alone all day again."  
Steve reluctantly followed Sam upstairs for the night. It was getting late and they decided it was time to wind down. Bucky, however, couldn't relax if he wanted to. He knew the pain of silent suffering wouldn't just work itself out. While he wasn't sure on how to help, he knew he wanted to try.

He sat in the living room for a while longer, waiting for [Y/N] to come back down the hall. He hadn't seen what room she went in and he didn't want to just follow her, but he wanted to be sure she was okay. He looked down the hall occasionally, checking for open doors that were previously closed or listening for movement. Half an hour passed and nothing changed, so Bucky finally made the decision to go take a shower. After he was done, he would check her room and if she wasn't there he would come back down and look for her.

As he closed his door and pulled his shirt off, Bucky thought he heard [Y/N]'s door slam and he made a mental note of it. [Y/N] never slams doors intentionally.

The cool water was refreshing, but at the same time it stung. It was like an unwanted wake up call but by someone you love. He let the water wash away some of his worry, thinking that [Y/N] was safe in her room and possibly asleep. Quickly going through his shower routine, Bucky wanted to be certain she was there. Grabbing a towel, he dried off hastily and pulled on the jeans he'd worn that day. He wasn't expecting for her to see him, just for him to peek in the room long enough to confirm that she was there. Then he could go to bed in peace.

Bucky didn't get what he wanted. He stepped into the hallway and slowly turned the doorknob to [Y/N]'s room. Pushing the door open as slowly and quietly as he could, he found the bed empty and the bathroom door open. She wasn't at her desk, she wasn't in her bed, she wasn't in the bathroom; she wasn't there. The hair on Bucky's arm stood up and he closed the door gently.

He cursed his own strength and weight as he tried to hurry down the hall without making any noise. He knew how to be quiet but not when he was trying to be fast. He reached the steps and took them three at a time, turning into the hallway. There were three rooms to look in and he started with the music room. It was quiet and dark; she wasn't seated at the piano or in the arm chair. He moved on to the bathroom. He knocked and there was no response. He peered in carefully to find no one, to his dismay. The single phrase, _where is she_ , kept running through his head. He had to make sure that she wasn't suffering a miserable night alone.

He wasn't quite so slow or careful opening the door to the study. At this point he was less worried about her knowing he was actively looking for her. He rushed down the room, looking through the aisles that the shelves created and hoping to see her. He finally got to the end of the room. Nothing. There was a door to his left and he went through without hesitation. Now at the back of the house, he made his way onto the back porch and squinted his eyes, looking out into the pastures. _Maybe she's stargazing again,_ he thought to himself. He knew she loved being outside at night, which worried him more. She could be anywhere. He could manage searching the house for her, but outside was a whole other story.

He began walking around to see if she was close and rounded the corner of the house; that's when he heard a sound that ripped at his chest. It was a faint sobbing, a fragile sound in itself. All of Bucky's muscles seemed to tense at once and his eyes scanned the yard quickly. Jumping over the porch railing, he started moving through the yard. He listened intently to try and locate where the sobbing was coming from and within seconds he was standing a few feet away from the single tree in the yard. The swing was swaying but she wasn't in it. He moved cautiously around so that he could see the other side of the tree.

Sitting at the base was [Y/N]. She was leaning against the trunk with her head back. Her face was shining in the moonlight, covered in tears. Her hair was a mess, in knots from where she had been grabbing at it. Her too-big shirt was falling off one shoulder and looked disheveled. In her hand was a bottle of Scotch, half empty, with the cap missing. She was crying freely, her eyes squeezed closed, her teeth gritting, and her breathing irregular.

Bucky stood in shock. Every part of him felt like it was on fire. His lips parted and almost involuntarily he whispered her name. It was filled with sorrow and it pained him to see this. She heard him and slowly opened her eyes, turning to see who was there. Her face showed nothing but distress and she looked him directly in his eyes.

"Bucky..." she whimpered. "I'm so sorry."

Her voice pulled him quickly to the ground. He fell to his knees next to her and was immediately moving to cradle her in his arms. Steve would know what to do, Bucky just had to get her to him. His expression was hard and he was focused on getting her inside as fast as he could. What he didn't count on was [Y/N] fighting back.

She dropped the bottle and pushed against his chest, preventing him from lifting her. She fell out of his grasp and a loud sob escaped her. Bucky clenched his fists, angry that she wasn't cooperating. She sat herself back up and let her head drop into her hands.

"Bucky, I'm so sorry..." she cried, her voice strained and words slurring together.

"[Y/N], please come with me," he responded, trying to stay calm. He knew he shouldn't handle a drunk person with anger, especially someone he presumed to never drink.

"Bucky..." [Y/N] cried and lifted her head, staring into his eyes again. Her [y/e/c] eyes dug at him. "Bucky, I can't..."

"[Y/N], you're okay, we just have to go inside to Steve and-"

"No!" Her scream shook Bucky to his core. He had never seen her like this, he had never heard her raise her voice. This was all new and scary and he didn't know how to react.

"Bucky! I did this to myself! This is my fault!"

Bucky's mouth was hanging open and he was staring back, but he couldn't seem to move. Her screaming had frozen him and he felt helpless. He wanted to ask her what she meant and why she was doing this, but no words would come.

"I did this," she repeated, letting the tears flow again. Her sobbing shook her body and she finally looked away from him. "I fucking tell myself that she died, she's gone. That she didn't want to go and that she tried her fucking hardest to stay. Why the fuck do I do that to myself?! Why do I lie? I tell myself that she loved us and she was perfect and loving and..." she choked up, coughing and crying at the same time. Bucky finally found the strength to move again and instantly had his arm wrapped around her. His other metal hand grabbed hers and he pressed himself against her in an awkward hug.

"She didn't die, Bucky!" [Y/N] cried out between tears. "She left us! She packed up and left! She didn't want me! She couldn't handle it!"

Bucky's stared down at [Y/N], no expression on his face. Inside he felt himself crumbling. Her pain and her misery in this moment, the pure sorrow that escaped when she cried out, it gripped him and it held him still. He could feel it. It radiated off of her and it seeped out with her words and it hit him like a physical blow. He held onto her, feeling her shake uncontrollably in his arms.

"She didn't want me!" [Y/N] was screaming again, trying to release this emotion she had held onto for so many years. "She walked out and didn't say goodbye! She didn't die! She didn't try to stay! She wasn't sick and she didn't care about us! I wanted to be just like her! I thought she was perfect! I would follow her around like a little fucking idiot and I never could get it through my thick skull that she didn't want me! She was trying to avoid me!"

[Y/N]'s voice was growing hoarse and her words were running together. She would lose words in sobs but she didn't care. For all she knew, she wasn't even talking to Bucky anymore. By now she was screaming for relief.

"She wasn't strong enough! She couldn't do it! Kyle begged her to stay, _I_ begged her to stay. But she left anyway...she took all of him when she left...He was nothing but a shell for years..." she was silent for a moment, overcome with tears. "I think he blamed me for a while..."

Bucky buried his face in [Y/N]'s hair. He pulled her as close as he could without breaking her bones. His jaw was tense and his eyes were shut tight and he wanted nothing more than to absorb her sorrow. He knew he could take it, he'd done it before. He just wanted her to be okay again.

"She left because of me...why?" The sounds [Y/N] was making were almost pitiful at this point. She was so enveloped with the memories of her mother, she wasn't even seeing reality anymore. Her eyes felt cloudy and all she could see was her mother's silhouette walking out the door. "What's wrong with me," she whimpered, dropping her face into her hands, letting the sobs take over again.

Bucky huffed in anger. He'd had enough. He looped his metal arm under [Y/N]'s knees and lifted her bridal style. She looked up in surprise as if she'd forgotten he was there. Bucky turned his body and leaned back against the tree, resting [Y/N] in his lap and pulling her close. He put his real hand against her head, gently pushing it into his chest while his metal arm surrounded her in a hug. Bucky pressed his lips to the top of her head, giving her a tender kiss and whispering to her. "It's okay, [Y/N]. There's absolutely nothing wrong with you. She was blind. There's nothing wrong with you."

[Y/N] let her tears come freely as she buried her face in Bucky's chest. His skin was warm and comforting, his hand still cradling her head. "I'm sorry," she whispered again but Bucky hushed her gently. He held her carefully, leaning his head back against the tree. His jaw was still clenched, but he was relaxing slowly.

Time seemed to pass so slowly under the stars. Bucky wasn't sure if it had been minutes or hours that he sat there, cradling [Y/N]. She had eventually cried herself to sleep in his arms and even then, he hadn't moved. He felt that she was at peace in her sleep and he didn't want to ruin it by waking her with his movement.

Her words echoed through his mind, the sound of her screaming still rattling him. _She didn't want me! I wanted to be just like her! She didn't try to stay! She left because of me! What's wrong with me..._ He pulled her closer just thinking about what she'd said. What must go on in her head every day to entice this kind of breakdown? Bucky shook his head, knowing full well what kind of anguish it took for something like this. He closed his eyes and rested his head on [Y/N]'s.

He sighed quietly. "If I could take all the suffering for you, I would," he whispered.


	16. Chapter 16

_If I could take all the suffering for you, I would. If I could take all the suffering for you, I would. If I could take all the suffering for you..._ You kept hearing words float through your head. You weren't sure where they came from or who said them. Did you dream them up? Were you hearing them right? _...I would._ Whose voice were you hearing? You weren't sure if you were still asleep or not. _If I could take all the suffering for you..._ You felt warm and cold at the same time. Your front half was warm and you thought you were pressed against something. _...I would._ You felt a cold breeze blowing behind you and there was something pressed against your side. It felt heavy and hard and it was wrapped around you. _If I could take all the suffering..._ You couldn't muster up enough strength to open your eyes yet. You weren't sure if what you were hearing around you was real or not. _...for you..._ You heard leaves blowing around above you, but you heard a voice too. It sounded like it was coming through a long tunnel. _...I would_. The warmth reached a peak against your face. It was a bodily warmth. You were leaning against something soft but firm. Your legs were brought up almost to your chest and you could feel that you were curled in a ball. You could hear the voice now, louder than before, and you thought you could recognize it. _Is that Steve?_

"I'm proud of you, Buck," the voice said, still sounding shallow and distant. _That sounds like Steve,_ you thought slowly. You felt groggy and a dull pain was developing in your head.

Suddenly there was a heavy vibrating right where your ear was lying. You felt the rumbling in your face and chest. "She was so broken," rang through yo, muffled but loud. _Bucky_. It came from right beneath you, shaking you awake. You lay still, but there was a sudden awareness within you. _Bucky and Steve are talking._

"And you took care of her the best you could."

"I didn't know what to do...the despair that was on her face...Steve, what should we do?"

"I think what you're doing is enough for right now."

The voices continued but grew distant again. Your head was throbbing now and you felt yourself falling back into a groggy sleeping state. _What do they mean? Are they talking about me?_ You couldn't piece together anything as your mind fogged and you felt heavy. Soon, you were sleeping again, free of all pain for a little while.

You were woken up the second time by a rumbling near your head. It started as a feeling and, as you came to, was accompanied by a loud snoring. You woke up quickly this time, your eyes fluttering open and your headache coming soon after. You blinked lazily, straining to see at first. It was dark, wherever you were, and you were searching for the source of what little light you could see by. Looking up, you realized it was the moon shining down and casting light over the dark yard.

You stared blankly for a moment. _Why am I outside?_ Suddenly the rest of your body became aware of the giant man child sleeping soundly beneath you. Another sudden snore surprised you and you jumped, squeaking quietly. Your sudden spasm made Bucky jolt awake, grabbing you in a tight hug suddenly as his eyes shot open. His head spun around, scanning the yard for whatever threatened you, before he realized that there was nothing else there. It was just the two of you. He gave you an innocently blank expression before releasing you. You took a deep breath now that giant muscles weren't suffocating you, and you let out a small laugh. This got a lazy smile from Bucky, who's tired expression was soft and sweet.

Bucky leaned back against the tree trunk again as you sat up in his lap and tried to piece together _why_ you were outside at night sitting on a muscle man. He yawned, rubbed his eyes and looked around.

"I guess I fell asleep," he murmured, mostly to himself. You cocked your head and gave him a questioning look. His face scrunched a tiny bit as he realized you didn't remember. "Do you know why you're out here?" His voice was low and soft. You shook your head, aggravating your headache, which made you flinch. Bucky looked sympathetic before pulling you into a hug. He used his hand to lay your head on his chest and you complied. You were now curled up in his arms and your face was pressed against the warmth of his chest once again.

"[Y/N], do you remember anything that you said? Think hard," he almost pleaded. You were beginning to get concerned with the hint of desperation in his words. Closing your eyes, you tried to focus. _What day is it? What's the last thing I did? Why would I be outside?_

You froze and your eyes flew open. _Mother's day._ You pushed yourself up into a sitting position and looked Bucky dead in the eyes. "Bucky. What did I say?"

His hand moved to his side and his metal fingers met a cold bottle with a clink. It was laying on its side still a fourth of the way full. Your eyes followed his hand and you your breathing picked up. You had a worried expression as you looked back to him. He looked tired and sympathetic but you thought you saw a glint in his eyes. _Is he angry?_

He pulled you back to him and you noticed his heart was beating a little faster when your head was on his chest again. He took a deep breath and squeezed you in his arms. _Is he trying to comfort me?_ _What the hell did I say?_

"[Y/N], you told me about your mother." You could tell you went rigid by the way Bucky began rubbing your back. "You told me what happened."

Your mind was a sudden tornado of thoughts. _What did I say? Did I tell him she walked out? Was I crying? What the fuck happened? Why did he coddle me? Why didn't he run off if I was that much of a mess? How did he find me? Was he looking for me? What did I say? Where are Steve and Sam if Bucky is here? Was he actually going around looking for me? He stayed in the living room for a long time...he was looking for me...but why? I haven't known them all that long...why should I matter this much? How much does he know now? Is he gonna tell Steve and Sam? Will he tell Kyle? How will he act around me now? WHAT DID I SAY?_

"Listen, [Y/N]," Bucky's voice broke through your windstorm of thoughts. "I know how you feel. Kind of," he spoke quietly, furrowing his eyebrows and taking his time to formulate the right sentences. "But believe me when I say that there's nothing wrong with you. You aren't broken or defective." His words felt like a wind strong enough to knock you back. They hit a nerve and your eyes began to get misty and watery. "I don't know how a woman could walk out on a husband and child, especially a guy as kindhearted as Kyle and a kid as bright as you." His voice was low and rumbled through you like thunder. You still weren't sure what you'd said, but it must have really been what you felt because he was hitting the nail on the head.

"[Y/N], you're talented and you're smart and strong. Strong enough to survive one of my nightmares, and that's saying a lot. I've heard you sing, and it's amazing. You can play the piano. You can act. You're an art kid that somehow thrives on a ranch in the middle of nowhere with no one around. I don't know much about it, but I would assume that a theater person would shrivel and die after spending so much time practically alone." You couldn't help but give a sad smile, knowing he was partially right.

"[Y/N]," Bucky continued, pulling you up so that your face was in the crook of his neck and he was cradling you. "I don't care what that woman ever said to you. I don't care what she did, or didn't do. She made a mistake. A huge mistake. She chose a different life and it couldn't have been worth it. A life with you and Kyle would have been so much better than anything she could get by walking out." You felt tears slowly roll down the top of your cheeks and into the spaces between your face and his neck. "You are so much more than what happened with her, and you had better start believing that."

The whole time Bucky had been holding you, you'd let him position you so that it was just that: him holding you. Now, after hearing what he had to say and crying puddles onto him, you finally moved yourself. In an instant you had your arms wrapped around his neck and you were hugging him as tight as your tired body would allow. His hands came up to your back and he hugged you too, moving his head slightly so that it rubbed yours affectionately. _He's like a fucking cat,_ you thought as you cried and laughed at the same time. You weren't too sure why you were crying anymore; were these sad tears for the loss of your mother so many years ago or were they happy tears because someone finally knew, and told you the things you'd needed to hear?

After another minute of just hugging in silence, you finally pulled back and sat upright. You leaned your head onto his chest briefly, a small smile on your face. "Thank you, Bucky." You weren't sure of what else you could say. You'd had the weight on your shoulders for so long that you'd forgotten what it felt like to have the weight lifted. It wasn't all gone, but you felt so refreshed and relieved.

"Don't forget what I said," he spoke clearly, rubbing the top of your head. You smiled, lifting yourself off of him and sitting in the grass next to him. As you reached up to fix your now disheveled hair, you heard him yawn again. _What time is it?_

Now that you weren't as distracted by yourself, you looked out. There was a half moon shining down, illuminating the few horses out in the nearest pasture. The stars were glittering in the sky, dancing like small wildfires in the distance. Bucky was shirtless. The house was dark. Trig was laying in the yard and- _Wait. Bucky is...shirtless?_ Your eyes drifted back to him and you saw that you were right. The first thing your eyes locked onto was his left shoulder. The metal was shining and was standing out from his skin, but the transition seemed so smooth. There were small scars outlining where the metal ended, but you'd expected something more sinister. Maybe huge scars surrounding the place the skin and prosthetic connected. Maybe some kind of deformity that wasn't visible beneath clothing. _Something._ You marveled at the little pink scars. _What must it feel like to have that..._

Before you knew it, Bucky was standing and holding his human hand out to you. You gave him a confused look before taking it. He pulled you up gently and kept a light grip on your hand as he walked over to the fence. The horses were grazing close by and they seemed to have Bucky's attention. Once at the fence, Bucky released your hand and leaned onto it. He laid his arms out over the top piece of wood and looked out at the few horses. You took a step or two back and stood close by, watching him.

One of the foals that was out with its mother lifted its head and saw Bucky. It whinnied quietly and you saw Bucky smile. The foal began stepping closer to the fence and Bucky slowly extended his right hand. He had his hand straight out, palm facing the small horse and raised a little too high. You whispered loudly.

"Hey Buck, put your hand down, like this." You raised your arm a little lower than shoulder level, your hand relaxed and palm down. He glanced back at you and copied what you showed him, beckoning the foal further. It was only a few feet away now.

Suddenly, the mother of the young horse lifted its head and trotted over quickly, placing herself between her baby and this stranger. You saw Bucky tense and you made a small shush sound to try and let him know it was okay. You weren't sure how shushing him would communicate that, but you knew better than to make any sudden movements or loud noises.

Bucky didn't move and you took this as successful communication. The mother curved her body around her baby and lead it back towards the other horses. The foal whinnied playfully and the mother replied with a louder whiny. You knew that she was uneasy and thought it best to just watch from a distance. You moved to Bucky's side and wrapped your hand around his bicep.

"Hey," you whispered. "They probably don't like us standing here."

Bucky sighed. _Is he disappointed?_ He shrugged his arm out of your grasp and took your hand as it fell. "That's fine," he whispered, turning around to face the house. "We need to get you to bed anyway. Steve has some kind of big plans for tomorrow."

You cocked your head. "Steve has plans..?"

"For all of us. Because the mom situation isn't optimal and he's obsessed with distracting people as a form of therapy."

As the two of you walked to the house, you noticed that Bucky's pace seemed exaggeratedly slow to match yours. You smiled to yourself before looking up at him. He was looking straight ahead with a focused expression. You looked back down at your feet, still smiling. _He's such a sweetheart, even if he tries to hide it._


	17. Chapter 17

You went through your morning routine slowly. Your head was still throbbing and your muscles felt sore. _Probably from sleeping scrunched up in a ball in someone's lap for I don't know how long,_ you scolded yourself. Although your yearly drunken night of sadness had taken an unexpected turn, you were still silently beating yourself up for getting caught. While the night had ended on a better note than it started on, you were skeptical. _Will Bucky treat me the same now? I hope he doesn't treat me like I'm fragile now..._ If there was one thing you hated, it was being treated like a delicate porcelain doll.

By the time you were showered, dressed and ready for the day, it was 10:47. You were glad that you'd prepped the animals for no early morning care the day before. Years ago you'd made yourself promise that if you planned on drinking, you always prepared for the worst and consider your chores first. And you only ever planned on drinking once a year, so it wasn't a hard promise to keep.

A few minutes later and you were down the stairs, scanning the living room. You hadn't heard the boys this morning, which was new. Usually you could heard them racing each other to the bathroom, two of them picking on the third, or just general bickering/laughter. Mornings with these boys around always made you glad you had your own bathroom. But this morning, there was no racing, mocking, laughing or anything. The house was quiet.

You stepped lightly, feeling suddenly paranoid that this may be a game and you should be hiding as well. Or maybe something was wrong and you were out of the loop. _I thought Bucky said that Steve had plans with everyone today...did he misunderstand? Were Steve's plans only for himself, Sam and Bucky? Did they all go out somewhere?_ At this thought, you stopped tiptoeing around and felt a blanket of disappointment settle over you. You were stood in the kitchen, all alone, unsure now of what to do with your day. You were convinced by a simple thought that the boys had abandoned you.

With this, you decided to spend the day brushing up on your artistic skills. It had been a while since you spent a full day actually practicing anything, so why not today? You ate an apple quietly and then headed to the music room. You loved playing the piano so of course you would start here. You closed the door quietly and sat on the piano bench, popping your fingers and smiling to yourself. You always began practice by playing "Scales and Arpeggios" from The Aristocats and it always made you giggle to yourself. You sang quietly as you played, relaxing and being carefree, letting the bliss of music fill the room.

You tried to make a smooth transition from one song to the next, but "Scales and Arpeggios" didn't seem to mesh well with the Moonlight Sonata. You began playing Beethoven's piece regardless and wondered briefly why, of all songs, that was the one you went to first. Then you remembered. _That night...this is what calmed Bucky down..._ You continued, listening carefully as you played. _It is an enchanting song,_ you thought. You could see how it had calmed the beast so many weeks ago.

You hadn't been playing long when you decided to change it up. You paused for a moment before settling on "Let It Go." You weren't sure where that came from either, but you played it nonetheless. You sang a bit louder, knowing that you were getting some of the words wrong but you giggled and continued anyway. It was exhilarating to sing so freely as you played despite tripping over words. You had just began to change up the words to your liking when you heard and faint chuckle. Your head spun around and there in the doorway - OF COURSE - stood none other than Steve, Sam and Bucky. You had jumped in surprise, banging one knee on the piano.

"Fuck, again?! I'm about to put a damn cat bell on you, Rogers!" You knew it had been him chuckling, it _had_ to be. _HE_ was the one always surprising you.

Sam laughed and gave you a huge smile. "How many times is that now, eleven?"

You gave them a mock glare and sighed, turning back around. You lowered the fall board over the keys carefully and stood. When you turned back around, the boys were still in the doorway, smiling at you.

"What? Didn't you guys have plans for today?" You crossed your arms almost defensively.

"Yeah, plans with you," Steve answered with a grin.

You smiled a little. _Okay, so Bucky was right._ "What are we doing, then?"

Sam reached a hand towards you. "Close your eyes, it's a surprise," he laughed, taking your hand carefully. You gave them all a suspicious look, but obliged.

"Wait, open them again," Bucky said quickly. When you did he was standing in front of you, back facing you and he was squatting slightly. "Jump up."

You slowly released Sam's hand and looked to Steve before hopping onto Bucky's back. Once you were lifted up, they told you to close your eyes again so you did, burying your face into the back of Bucky's neck. He still smelled like grass and outside, but it was faint. _I guess he was too tired to shower this morning._ You felt a small tinge of guilt, thinking it your fault that he stayed outside with you for most of the night. Almost out of habit, you gave his neck a small, comforting kiss. You were so used to giving the animals little pecks on the nose or head if you thought you'd upset them, this felt no different for a moment. As soon as you'd done it, you heard a confused sound come from Bucky you felt his head turn slightly. Realizing that you'd done this completely out of context, you blushed and hid your face further in his shirt. _Why the hell, what even, why am I like this, what did I do that for, he's not a sad kitten he's a Bucky, I just kissed his neck, he probably thinks I'm a creep now, what did I do oh my God-_

"Here we are!" Steve's happy shout made you jump and you nearly fell off of Bucky's back.

"Even when she knows you're here, you scare her," Sam laughed out. Your blush deepened as you lowered yourself from Bucky's back. _What is going on with me today?_

You looked up once your feet touched the ground and you gave a shocked but pleased laugh. Before you, under a tree in one of the pastures, was a cute little picnic. It was set out so splendidly and you looked between the boys with a surprised smile.

There was an actual wicker basket and the cloth on the ground was the classic red and white weaved pattern. There were plates with sandwiches and little cookies and vegetables. There was a small bowl of fruit and a pitcher of what looked like lemonade with strawberries floating in it. You were thankful that the ground wasn't soft out here with all the glasses you would hate to see spilt. What surprised you the most was the vase sitting in the middle of the blanket with a few flowers placed thoughtfully inside. The boys had really gone all out. _Steve did, at least. Not sure how much of this Sam and Bucky actually helped with_.

You couldn't find words for a moment. You just stood there with a dumb open mouthed smile, looking at the picnic.

"Well? Are you gonna sit down or just look at it?" The boys laughed as Sam elbowed you playfully, trying to get you to move or do something. You looked back to all of them and then back at the picnic.

"Who did this?" was all you could manage to get out.

"We all did," Steve smiled, resting his hand on your shoulder.

"I had to fly out to get some of that stuff so last minute, but Tony was helpful," Sam admitted, passing by you and moving to the other side of the blanket.

"I made the food and lemonade," Steve said happily, like a little kid that was proud of his work.

Bucky seemed a teeny bit bashful when he revealed his part of the job. "I, uh, picked the flowers."

You laughed a genuinely happy yet grateful laugh. You couldn't stop smiling and you went around, hugging each one of the boys. "You guys are the best anyone could ask for."

"I'm ready to eat," Bucky chuckled as he passed by you to get to the blanket. He ruffled your hair as he passed and gave you a quick smile. _I guess I can never have a good hair day with him around,_ you though, however still fond of the gesture. Steve took your elbow and flashed his always charming smile as he led you to one corner of the blanket.

The four of you spent a good part of the afternoon out under the shade of the tree, enjoying each other's company and having a good time. The tension of the previous night had faded and Bucky was having a good time. You could tell that Steve was proud of himself and that Sam was glad to see that you were doing well.

As the time passed, you realized something. You felt at home with the boys. A different kind of "at home" than what you felt around Kyle. You felt comfortable and at peace around Kyle, but these boys made you feel warm and like you belonged. You loved Kyle, but there had always been a hole, a space where something was missing since your mother left. With Steve, Sam and Bucky, there were no gaps, no holes to be filled or caverns to cross. You were fully at comfortable and at home with them. Even just watching them pack up the picnic and trek back to the house felt good. Steve volunteered to give you the piggyback this time. You noticed that he smelled like the lavender body wash you kept in the cabinet of the guest bathroom. He was also more careful in his way of carrying you. While Bucky had held your thighs gently, Steve had his arms wrapped around them and his hands locked behind him. He walked slower and with a better posture than Bucky had. You were torn between thinking it cute that he was worried about dropping you and being slightly annoyed. You hated being treated like something breakable.

You'd all arrived back at the house and you helped the boys clean up the picnic dishes and mess. Even cleaning, you felt happy with them around. They were constantly picking on each other and then taking sides, teaming up against someone for a while. They were like a pack of children and you loved it. You laughed through all of their jokes while cleaning and you even sided with Steve and Sam at one point as they poked fun at Bucky. He was giving mock pouts the whole time since you weren't on his side, but he laughed it off in the end.

Once the cleaning was done, the four of you moved into the living room. Steve had said no to movies tonight because they weren't friendly enough. He wanted to play board games. You rummaged around and found Clue, Uno and Monopoly. _Gee, Kyle. Is this why you have no friends?_ The thought had crossed your mind in an instant and you giggled. _These guys bicker enough on their own, just wait until they get halfway through even one of these games._

Sam got to choose a game first and thought Uno would be a good one to start out with. While it was simple and easy to play, you knew that Bucky and Steve would probably lose it before the game ended.

"Alright, this game is easy, we just lay down cards that match. So, I'll lay the first one down and [Y/N] will go next since she's sitting on my left," Sam explained after shuffling cards and dealing them out. "Now, since the card I put down is a blue 4, she can either play a blue card, a 4, or a wild."

"Wild is the one with all the colors, right?" Bucky asked, eyeing his own hand of cards. You giggled. _I guess he's got a wild he's staring at._

"Yeah, and you can use it whenever you want."

"What about the cards with arrows?" Steve raised an eyebrow, holding a yellow reverse card out for everyone to see.

Sam rubbed his forehead. "Steve, don't show us your cards." Steve quickly pulled it back to join the rest of his cards. _Alright, yellow reverse to the left,_ you noted. You were sitting on the far left of the couch while Sam was on the right. Steve was in the recliner to the left of the couch and Bucky was in the loveseat to the right.

"Okay, so the cards with arrows are reverse cards," Sam began to explain again. Once he'd gone over each of the special cards, the game began. At first, Steve and Bucky were slow and had questions, but by the third round they were just as aggressive as you and Sam. You'd all taken up slamming your cards down dramatically and forming alliances against anyone with less than three cards in their hand. Time flew by as the rounds went by, most of them being won by you. You were thankful for your sharp eye when it came to games like these. It was easy to read Steve's poker face and you could mostly guess what colors or cards he could be hiding. It was easy to get around Sam because he was always targeting Bucky, and it was easy to deal with Bucky because he wasn't on your immediate left or right so not a lot of what he did affected you.

The rest of the night was filled with loud arguing, angry shoving between the guys, and mean names and words flying all across the room. You had eventually given up on actually playing the games and sat back, enjoying the show. You thought it a little morbid to watch as the three ripped their friendships (for the night) at the seams, but it was amusing. By the time Monopoly was over, Bucky was practically fuming and Sam and Steve were shouting- mostly playfully -at each other. They wrapped up the game shortly after Bucky crushed the small thimble piece in his left hand due to tension. It was funny, but you were a little sad about losing the little metal piece you loved to play with the most.

All across the room there were game cards scattered, boards sitting here and there, and game pieces strewn everywhere. You were certain that Steve would step on something and wouldn't even feel it as he broke it beneath his weight. You had enjoyed the night, but it was time to wind down and let the boys go to bed. You offered to clean up the mess and Steve argued initially but Sam rubbed your shoulder, smiled to you gratefully, and pushed Steve up the stairs. Bucky was still sitting in the recliner, now with his head in his right hand. _He's probably tired. I don't blame him,_ you thought as you picked through the mess, sorting the cards and pieces into the right boxes. They hadn't even played Clue but the pieces were still scattered.

You were humming quietly as you cleaned and you didn't notice Bucky shift in his seat to watch you. It wasn't until he spoke that you noticed him again at all.

"So, how do you feel?"

You glanced at him and were surprised to find his sharp blue eyes looking right at you. You quickly looked back to what you were doing and shrugged. "I feel fine," you said. It wasn't a lie, you felt pretty normal at this point. It had been a good day, but you were tired now.

"I'm sorry I crushed this little thing," he said quietly, dropping the wad of metal onto the coffee table. You giggled a little when you saw it.

"It's okay, it's not the only one on Earth."

He watched you until you finished cleaning and he watched as you put the games away. He watched as you straightened up the couch cushions and he watched as you folded all the blankets that had been brought out. As you set the blankets in a neat pile on the couch, you felt his fingertips brush over your hand. You looked at him and he was reaching for you, beckoning you to the chair with him. You hesitated out of curiosity, but let his hand lead you to him. He pulled you into his lap and you thought you felt a blush rising into your cheeks. _What is he doing..._

You were tensing, preparing for the worst. You were trying to hold the whirlwind of thoughts back until after he did something. You closed your eyes, not really sure of what to expect.


	18. Chapter 18

Bucky wrapped his arms around you and laid his head against your back. You sat frozen, your eyes opening slowly. You looked down and saw him somewhat curled around you in his backwards hug. He had his eyes closed and his cheek pressed to you and his expression looked upset.

"Bucky? What's wrong?"

"You, [Y/N]. It's not fair. I don't get it. How do you do it?"

Your eyebrows raised and you felt your face contort. _Should I be offended? What does he mean?_ You started to speak, but he cut you off, knowing you would only ask him what he was talking about.

"You're so strong, [Y/N]. I don't understand. You smile every day and you laugh and can move along just fine, despite the shit you've gone through and go through. You're stronger than I am."

"Bucky, I-"

"I mean, I put you through hell and you barely knew me. You still forgave me and you were able to get passed it. Your mother walked out on you. You can still manage to live around it and find something to be happy about. How the hell do you do it?"

You were shocked. This grown man, bigger than you, intimidating, and definitely dangerous, was hiding his face in the back of your shirt and hugging you, telling you that you were the stronger of the two. You weren't even sure of how to react, but something was welling up inside your chest and you couldn't stop it from coming out.

"James Barnes, I don't know what to say to you." Hearing his real name made him draw back from you, looking at your face. "Stronger than you? You mean to say that I'm more in control of my feelings. And why shouldn't I be? I have all of my memories! I wasn't put through everything you were. You say that I'm stronger but you're comparing two wildly different things here. You, a man from the 40's for God's sake, and me, a twentysomething who hasn't faced _nearly_ as much as you have.

"Of course I can keep myself composed and under control compared to you. My problems could barely put a dent yours, you know? I don't even know everything you've been through, and you want to say I'm stronger than you?"

By now you'd turned so that you could face him better. He'd watched your face the whole time you spoke and his expression had remained relatively blank throughout. However, now that you had stopped, you noticed the fierce burning in his eyes. You took in a sharp breath when he suddenly grabbed your right arm with his metal hand and your left shoulder with his human hand. A whimper escaped you, the grip of his metal hand hurting you. His right arm was shaking visibly and he lowered his head, his hair falling and shadowing his face.

"[Y/N]." His voice was eerily calm and low. You flinched at the sound of your own name. "Help me."

Time stood still. _What?_ It felt difficult to take a breath. _Bucky..._ You felt your heart breaking. He asked you for help. You'd listened to Steve. You knew the stories. This is something he never did. You felt tears welling up in your eyes. You still weren't sure of what you'd heard.

Bucky released your arm and shoulder, still shaking. Your mind was in a cold frenzy. Your muscles moved without thought. You leaned quickly and violently into him and enveloped him into a desperate embrace. Your body turned so you were fully facing him and your face buried itself in his neck. You hugged him tightly, hurting your own arms with the force behind it. You grabbed at his back, unintentionally gripping through his shirt and ripping at him with your nails. Hot tears stung your eyes you let out an ugly sob. What else could you do?

Bucky, in the same few moments as you, pulled you close to him in the embrace, his metal arm digging into you. His face pressed into your collarbone and you could feel your shirt getting wet. _He's crying too...?_

Your hand moved up to his head and you cradled it, tangling your fingers in his long hair. You kissed his neck multiple times, shushing into his hair gently. "It's okay, I'm here and I'll help you," you whispered so softly that you questioned if he could even hear you. It was your turn to hold him and you were trying your damnedest to make him feel better the way he had for you.

"I promise I will do whatever I can," you spoke softly, your voice trembling but gentle. He was quiet and you coddled him, pressing tender kisses into his hair.

"[Y/N]," you heard, muffled in your shirt. His voice sounded broken and forlorn. It sent a pang through your chest just to hear it. "[Y/N], I don't want to hurt you."

You felt a pressure on your shoulders before you realized he was pushing you away. He was practically peeling you off of him. You caught a glimpse of his eyes and they were dull, lacking the usual piercing brilliance they otherwise possessed. The black hole in your chest was only getting bigger. _What is happening? He said he wanted my help..._ You were involuntarily shaking your head, already denying his sudden change of heart. He was standing and you were falling out of his lap, frantically trying to catch yourself and keep him still at the same time.

"Bucky, no-"

"I can't hurt you again. I won't." He was pushing passed you, trying to move to the stairs and leave you alone with confusion and rejection sitting heavy on your heart.

"Then _don't_!" You were pleading with ever fibre of your being for him not to close you out. _There was almost progress! Don't do this! Please!_ You were internally screaming, but externally shaking. The tears hadn't ceased and you cursed them.

"[Y/N]-"

"God damn it, Bucky! Don't you dare push me away! I let you in, now let someone help you for a change!"

You pursed your lips into a line, but your eyes still gave away how scared you were for him. _Don't put yourself through this anymore..._

Silence. He was silent, you were silent, he wasn't looking at you and there was still a gap between you that he'd left when he'd moved.

"Let me help you..." you whispered. You didn't have much fight left. Most of it was gone to the night before to your fight with yourself. Now that you needed it, you didn't have it anymore. All you had was a fear of losing something you knew was special. Bucky obviously trusted you. Steve had told you countless times that he was a loner and would never ask anyone for anything. You'd heard it again and again that he was hell bent on dealing with this himself. So to hear those words, _help me_ , it gnawed at you. He couldn't just walk out, not now.

He turned around slowly. His eyes were empty. You knew the look of them, you'd seen it before. He stared at you, his head lowered and his eyes boring holes in you at an angle that scared you. He looked calm but intimidating, ready to destroy. Your breath caught in your throat.

"Bucky," you whimpered, your lip quivering. You were terrified.

"Help me." It was almost silent. Barely audible. Strained, almost. No part of him moved, his lips barely even parting to let the words escape. Your eyes widened and you realized what he had been asking for. You'd misunderstood. He knew this was going to happen and you hadn't even realized what he'd meant.

You stared for a moment as you watched him blink slowly. He was slipping away fast, the empty and lifeless Winter Soldier taking his place. You had to move.

You turned on the balls of your feet, launching yourself into a sprint towards the opening of the hallway. The soldier was still waking up, moving calmly and slowly. This was it, your only chance. If it backfired, all you had was maybe one chance to scream for Steve or Sam before the soldier would rip you apart.

You slid onto the piano bench easily as it was turned, leaving you straddling the end closest to the piano. Flinging the fallboard up, you quickly positioning your fingers. WIth adrenaline pumping through you, you struggled to play at first. The Moonlight Sonata came to you in a frenzy and you felt scatterbrained as you played. You didn't want to check behind you or even listen for the soldier. Your heart was thumping in your ears and you had to concentrate on not playing too hastily. You tried to suppress your thoughts, but they spun through your head like a wild hurricane.

 _This isn't a nightmare, he isn't asleep. Is he asleep? He's technically asleep, right? He really can't control this, this is another person, right? Why does this happen? Did he know this was going to happen tonight? Could he feel it the whole time? Why didn't he tell anyone? What triggered this?_

You heard a crash behind you. You jumped, but refused to stop playing. Another crash. He was in the room. Your muscles felt strained, but you played. You'd never been so stressed in your life. A thud. Something had fallen. Another crash. You didn't dare look behind you.

You could hear the slight grunts and huffs of someone struggling. _Is he fighting with himself?_ The thought fueled you to try harder. You played more accurately, keeping a steady tempo despite the fear that coursed through you.

The struggling behind you continued for another few minutes before gradually quieting. You still weren't sure what was happening but you'd repeated the song and pressed on. You were in the middle of your third go round when you felt a presence right behind you. It was ominous and you were afraid to turn around. The presence didn't go away and you finally gave in, letting your head turn.

You looked just in time to see Bucky- his eyes tired with rips in his shirt, cuts on his arm and chest and blood dripping from his temple -give you the faintest smile. He sat with a thud on the other end of the piano bench, collapsing forward onto you. You lurched forward with his weight against your back, hitting the keys loudly.

 _Did he win? Did Bucky win?_

You sat still for a moment, waiting. Nothing happened. Bucky lay against you, not moving. You'd seen the smile. It must have meant he did it. You didn't know what to do. You didn't have a definite answer. You were still breathing shallow, your heart racing. You couldn't really move with him slumped onto you. You had no idea what to do.

Everything had happened so fast. Your emotions had switched like lights all night. You never imagined that being around someone as serene as Bucky would send you so many curve balls. But now that he was quiet and his breathing was normal, the exhaustion hit you like a wave. You pulled down the fallboard and leaned on the piano. Your eyelids were heavy and you couldn't move anyway.

 _If he's okay, then so am I,_ you thought as your eyes closed. Maybe you'd be able to figure out all the answers to your questions in the morning.


	19. Chapter 19

Steve was bustling about the room, picking up knocked over furniture. Sam was gathering anything broken, ripped or otherwise destroyed and putting it all in a box for you to look over. Bucky was still out cold, but was now on the floor. You were at his side, inspecting the damages he had managed to cause to himself. His shirt had been ripped apart and there were cuts and bruises all over his chest and arm. He had a bad cut on his temple and cheek as well. You'd already wiped away the dried blood and now you were getting to bandaging him up.

"Thank you guys," you mumbled as they passed close by you again. The pressure that had been on your chest all night still had you aching, so you had been quiet most of the morning.

"It's no problem," Steve replied, his voice soft and kind. He understood. He knew the extremes it took to care for Bucky. It was still new to you, but he always looked at you like you were doing a good job. You couldn't help but feel a swell of emotion in your chest when he would. _I must be doing something right._

"Alright, so what happened yesterday? What set him off this time?" Sam was still trying to piece together what was causing Bucky's sudden changes.

You thought hard about what to say. _Be honest, be honest, this can't get fixed if you're not honest._ "I don't know when it started, but..." Steve and Sam both paused and looked at you. "But I know that the night before last, he came out and...well, he comforted me during a hard time, to say the least." You thought you saw a glint in Steve's eye, like he knew something. You quickly looked back to Bucky and continued. "Yesterday was going great until you guys went to bed. I don't really know when it started for him, but it was a slow change. It wasn't like falling asleep and waking up as someone else. It was like that someone else was just slowly taking over his body. He looked angry but like he didn't want to be at the same time. He sounded sad, but his voice was so calm. He asked me for help so I ran in here and started playing that song that calmed him down the last time. I heard him behind me, doing all of that-" you gestured to the wreckage of the room "-but I didn't turn around. I just felt him sit down and lean against my back at some point and I figured he was okay and asleep."

Sam and Steve knelt down on either side of you. Steve put his hand on your shoulder. "You did a good job, it looks like," he said quietly.

"What do we do?" You were beginning to feel the effects of the night bring you down again, just like last time. You had gotten out unscathed but the sudden adrenaline and fear had taken it out of you. Sleeping against a piano for only a few hours hadn't helped.

"You go upstairs and get some rest," Sam suggested, putting his hand on your other shoulder as Steve moved to the other side of Bucky. "Steve and I can take care of this."

You wanted to stay and help, but you knew it was probably best to go relax a little before facing Bucky when he woke. You nodded and stood up, giving Bucky one last look over.

There was a soft knock on your door about two hours after you'd gone to lay down. You sat up in your bed and set the book you were reading to the side.

"Yes?"

The door creaked open and you saw Steve's blue eyes peering at you. He smiled, charming as always, and pushed the door open a few inches further. "May I come in?"

"Sure," you giggled, pulling the covers up close to you and your crossing your legs so Steve wouldn't sit on them.

"I've been wanting to ask you something, but it's a little personal," he started as he sat at the foot of your bed, facing you.

You nodded your head slowly, giving him a questioning and almost suspicious look. "O..kay? And that is?"

"It's about the other night," he said cautiously. Your brow furrowed as you thought about what night he could mean. "When I say that, I mean the night before last night. With Bucky." You locked eyes and you felt all the relaxation of the past two hours disintegrate. _What...what does he need to know? Please don't ask me what we did...please don't think we did anything like that..._ You felt self-conscious. It probably hadn't sounded too great just saying that Bucky "comforted you" for a night.

"It's about your mother," Steve cautiously continued. He seemed very wary about this subject, as if it was his own mother being discussed. You weren't quite sure if you felt relieved or even more stressed knowing that Steve knew. _How did he know? Was he there too? Does Sam know?_

"What do you mean.."

"I was only wondering, if it's okay to ask; why did you lie about her?"

"Defense." His face scrunched up, hardening. He must not have liked the answer, or how quick you were to spit it out. "Self-defense," you repeated, softer this time. "I guess that's what it was. It was supposed to be a way to help get over it. I thought that if I could convince everyone around me to believe it, so could I." The words came so easily that you almost didn't believe you were talking about your mother. It had never been this easy.

"[Y/N], you have to have known it was a bad idea," he scolded gently. He scooted closer, resting his hand on your knee and looking you in your eyes.

"I know," you nodded, breaking eye contact. You dropped your head and fiddled with your fingers. "I know, and it was stupid and fucked up. But it felt like it was the only thing I could do. She left me heartbroken, so I pretended that she left unwillingly. I told everyone that asked that she'd died still fighting to live. To live and be with me and Kyle."

There was an awkward silence. It felt heavy and uncomfortable. For once, you didn't feel like crying while discussing your mother. You just felt deeply upset. Broken.

Steve moved even closer to you and pulled you into a hug. He let his lips touch your forehead, but it wasn't a kiss. Just a brief touch; it was comforting and sweet without being invasive. You knew he was respectful of you and your space and it was endearing.

"I'm sorry you felt that you had to lie about her to get closure," he whispered into your hair. You relaxed in his arms and gave him a tight squeeze.

You took a breath as you pulled away and smiled. "It's alright," you assured him. "Now that you and Bucky both know, I should find a healthier way to come to terms. Maybe actually talking about it from time to time would help. I mean, I already feel different talking about than I did a few days ago. I was just going about it all wrong," you contemplated. You'd known for years that you were going about it wrong, but it hurt too much to try and deal with any other way. It still hurt, but you had a new support. _Maybe these guys can help hold me up when I'm falling._

"If you ever want to talk about it, you let me know. I'll always be here to listen." Steve's charm turned back on as he gave you a big smile. You internally rolled your eyes, cursing the true romantic inside of you that pointed out when he was being the big, strong, handsome romantic male love interest type. You grinned back and he stood up, patting your shoulder. "Bucky is in the hall. He wanted to speak with you when I was through. Do you want me to let him in?"

"Um..sure," you couldn't help the hint of surprise in your voice as you responded. Steve raised his eyebrow, but moved to the door regardless. You leaned over so you could see into the hallway as Steve moved out of the room. Bucky was leaning against the opposite wall, waiting patiently. He gave Steve a small grin as he passed. His eyes moved to you and you wiggled your fingers in a small wave. He chuckled and walked into the room, slowly closing the door before taking Steve's place at the foot of the bed. _Over a month and they still sit far away from me on beds. Weirdos._

"Good morning, [Y/N]," Bucky spoke finally. His voice was gruff and almost commanded your attention. He tried clearing his throat and smiled again.

"Bucky, it's almost afternoon." You giggled, hoping to ease the both of you. You weren't sure how he'd be this morning after another night like that. Granted, he seemed to be doing just fine, but you were still being careful.

His eyes were glimmering in the light that peeked through your curtains. They were a dancing blue fire and they gripped your attention more than his voice had.

"I wanted to come see how you were doing," he rocked a little as he spoke.

"I'm doing fine, just a little drained. How are you?" You could see that Steve and Sam had patched him up, but you assumed that the two hadn't put any ointment on the cuts or given Bucky any painkillers. _Do super soldiers even need painkillers?_

"I'd say I'm doing pretty well after a night like that. I usually wake up dazed, confused and with no memory of the night before. At least this time I can remember." He seemed so relaxed and okay. _This must be a huge step forward for him._

"You remember what happened?" Your question made him perk up a little. "Could you tell me? I wasn't really paying much attention," you laughed. In hindsight, it seemed silly that you hadn't caught a single glance at him after you'd started playing.

"I know that I trashed your piano room," Bucky said, humor playing at the words but a sense of guilt following. "I remember fighting with myself and trying to stop myself from really doing anything major. At one point I tried knocking myself out, which is what this is from." He ran his fingers over the bandage covering his temple. Your expression faded to sympathy and he smiled in return.

Bucky glanced to the empty side of your bed and held his gaze there for a moment. You followed it, thinking that maybe he saw a bug or something peculiar. All you could see was your rabbit sitting in its usual place on your pillow.

"Is there something wrong?" You were still looking for a bug somewhere that you somehow couldn't see but he could.

"Would you do something for me tonight?"

Your gaze went back to Bucky. You opened your mouth for a moment, only to close it. He was still looking at the rabbit and you studied his face. "Yes?"

"Would you read me that story? The one Steve said you really like."

You had a suspicious but knowing smile creeping onto your face. You squinted your eyes at Bucky and he finally looked back you. He chuckled.

"What? I want to know why you like it so much. It's got to be something special to get your attention. Will you read it to me?"

"Of course," you grinned playfully. "But only as a bedtime story, as it's intended." You pushed his arm and laughed. With how drastically easy this morning was compared to the last morning after an incident, you had a small glimmer of hope resting inside of you. _He's getting better. Or at least he's trying._

Bucky stood and extended his hand to you. "Sam made lunch. It's probably just oven pizza again, but at least he's not bickering with Steve about breakfast foods anymore."


	20. Chapter 20

You and Bucky entered the kitchen to find Steve with Sam in a headlock. Steve was playfully rubbing his knuckles on Sam's head, laughing loudly. Sam's arms were as latched to Steve's as they could be, pulling and prying to no avail.

"You'll have to try harder than that, Wilson," Steve teased. Sam, still attempting to break free, got a good punch in somewhere and you saw Steve smile. You were having trouble following the movements as you were laughing so hard. Bucky was laughing as well, leaned against the doorframe for support. Steve only took the laughter as encouragement and continued to hold Sam in a headlock.

"Guys, this isn't funny," Sam shouted in despair.

"I don't know, it's pretty funny from over here," Bucky laughed, throwing his head back. You noticed how even Sam couldn't help but smile as his friends teased him. _He knows it's all in good fun,_ you thought, amused. It was refreshing to see them all cracking up and having fun in light of recent events. You let the boys laugh it out before you gave Steve a smile that he knew meant "let Sam go now, you've had your fun." He smiled at you knowingly and released his friend, patting him on the back. Sam straightened up and immediately punched Steve's shoulder. It was a playful punch, but it had a little edge to it that made you laugh.

"Wow, Sam. Remind me never to put you in a headlock," you smiled, nudging him playfully as you passed through to the dining room.

"You couldn't even reach me to get me into one," he teased back, moving to the stove to get whatever it is that he'd made. Steve drifted into the dining room behind you and sat in his usual seat at the foot of the table. Ever since the first night there, the boys had never moved seats and always sat in the same place: Steve at the end, Bucky on his right and Sam on his left. You'd alternated between the spot at the head of the table, the one next to Sam and the one next to Bucky a few times depending on who else was home. If Tony were there, he always got the seat opposite Steve. It felt like a weird silent battle for dominance. You didn't know if it was a strained friendship or sexual tension that you felt between them, but you always opted to ignore it. _Best not to step in the middle of a silent argument_ , you'd thought at the time.

Bucky followed suit into the dining room and leaned against the table, facing the kitchen. You stood near the island and fiddled with a stray pen that lay on the island's granite top.

"So, Sam, what's for lunch?"

In all the excitement of the headlock, the smells of the kitchen had gone completely unnoticed. Now that you weren't distracted, the smell of something sweet filled your nose. You glanced over and saw Sam fiddling with a tray in the oven, but he blocked your view of what was on the tray.

Turning around and closing the oven, Sam gave the three of you a look of anticipation. "I made something new today, and you're all gonna try it. I wanna know what you think about it. Now sit," he commanded, gesturing to the table before spinning back around.

Bucky sat with a small huff and you took the spot at the head of the table. Steve smiled to you innocently and you laughed.

"Are you gonna pick on Bucky next? Or do I need to go ahead and hide?"

Steve chuckled. "Don't worry, I'm afraid if I tried to put you in a headlock, you'd break." This warranted a laugh from Bucky and Sam and you crossed your arms over your chest, pouting dramatically.

"I'm stronger than I look," you huffed loudly, cracking a little smile as the boys chuckled at you.

"We know you are," Sam winked, moving about the kitchen in a hurry.

Bucky leaned towards you, extending his hand to place it on yours. "Don't worry, if you can make it through two nights with my bad side, you've proven your strength." You smiled a genuine smile. _If he says it then it's gotta be true, right?_

Suddenly there was a bowl in front of you. You looked up and saw Sam place two more bowls on the table in front of Steve and Bucky.

"Eat up, kids." Sam leaned against the island, watching the three of you closely. You looked between the three of them at first, waiting for someone else to take the first bite of food. You had smelled something sweet, you knew it, but sitting before you was what looked like chicken and dumplings. _When did he make this? Why did I smell sweet?_

You dipped your spoon into the soup and brought it to your lips, watching Steve all the while. He was mirroring you, hesitating as well. _Maybe for the same reason? Is this weird to anyone else or am I the reason he's hesitating?_ Bucky was just staring at his so you weren't sure what was going on.

As the soup poured into your mouth, you straightened. Surprise was on your face, you knew it, but you couldn't help it.

"This is really good!" Steve beat you to announcing it, but he was right. It was the best chicken and dumpling soup you'd ever had and you usually didn't enjoy soup. You gave Sam a thumbs up and quickly ate more. Bucky looked between you and Steve and slowly lifted his spoon. He still seemed suspicious but less in the this-will-taste-bad way and more in the this-is-poisoned way.

As you ate, Sam looked on and seemed pleased with himself. You laughed when Bucky finally tasted it, realizing that even he liked it. The three of you ate silently, enjoying the light lunch. However, the question still nagged at you until you finally had to ask.

"Sam, I thought I smelled something sweet earlier when we walked in. It wasn't this," you asked, looking to the almost empty bowl, "was it?"

Sam laughed. "Of course not."

Steve lifted his head and gave his friend a puzzled look. "This isn't what you made for us to try?"

"I knew you would like that," Sam said, emphasizing "that" as he gestured to the bowls. "It's dessert that I wanted you guys to try." His face lit up as he saw your confusion. He moved to the oven and opened it, pulling out a cupcake tray. You gave Steve a glance before focusing your attention back on Sam. He was lifting cupcakes one by one out of the tray and onto a large plate.

"I kept them in the oven to keep them warm. It was turned off, so you don't have to worry about them being burned or anything," Sam informed you, shooting a glance at Steve.

"What? I don't like burnt food," Steve rebutted, raising his hands in mock defense.

"Well, this isn't burnt," Sam said matter-of-factly. He placed the plate in the center of the table carefully and stepped back, letting the three of you marvel at the cupcakes before you. _I guess it's still a cupcake even without icing..?_

You looked to Sam and he nodded his head towards the plate, encouraging you to take one. You reached forward and grabbed one, inspecting the small cake as if the answers to all your questions would be hidden inside. As you peeled the liner off of the cupcake, Steve and Bucky grabbed one for themselves and copied your movements. The three of you exchanged glances before raising the cupcakes like a toast and taking a bite at the same time. You giggled inwardly at the odd situation before the taste hit you.

"What is this," you nearly coughed out. Sam smiled, knowing that he did a good job. You saw Steve's eyes widen and he looked to Sam, the same question on his mind.

"It's a tiramisu cupcake," Sam said proudly.

"It's really good," you smiled at him, trying not to look like a wild animal while you practically shoved the cupcake into your mouth.

Steve laughed and actually shoved the rest of his into his mouth. _Is he making fun of me or challenging me?_ You narrowed your eyes at him and giggled.

In the meantime, Bucky had set his back down and was twirling his soup spoon around between his fingers.

"You don't like it?" Sam was at his shoulder, looking down at Bucky's cupcake with a little bite taken out of it.

"It's fine," Bucky shrugged.

Sam rolled his eyes exaggeratedly and moved around the table, sitting at Steve's left side. "Well, if you don't like it, that's more for us," he snorted, grabbing a cupcake.

You cocked your head and looked at Bucky. He gave you a sideways glance and another small shrug. _Guess he just isn't that into cupcakes,_ you thought.

The day passed slowly after lunch. With the four of you working tirelessly to repair the music room, you just couldn't seem to find a way to make the job less boring. You'd tried playing music, but the boys argued over what kind to play. You'd tried turning into a game, but the boys were too competitive and it became less fun. You tried telling jokes, but it seems that two 100 year old men and a guy from the north weren't that into puns.

After two and half hours of picking, sorting and replacing everything in the room, you finally called it quits and went to the living room. The boys followed and plopped down on the couch and in the chairs with you.

You wiped a few beads of sweat from your forehead. "I don't understand why knocking a few bookshelves over only takes 2 seconds but fixing them and re-organizing the books has to take an hour," you complained. Your eyes were tired from looking at book covers all day and you were thankful that Steve had taken the other shelf. Bucky's job had been to locate any permanent damage to the house or to any items while Sam had spent most of the time cleaning Bucky's dried blood off of the walls and floor. _Who knew how annoying bloody handprints could be?_

Now that most of the room was presentable again, you never wanted to go back in there again. You swore that you'd be fine never laying eyes on that room or anything in there for the rest of your life. Sam chuckled, leaning back on the loveseat and closing his eyes.

Steve draped his arm over the back of the couch and you leaned back, letting your head rest on his forearm. Bucky propped his elbow on the arm of the recliner and dropped his head into his hand. You all sat for a few moments, relaxing after being up and about for so long.

"Steve, did you tell [Y/N] what you found?" Bucky's somber voice filled the room. You lifted your head slightly to give Steve a questioning look.

"No, I was going to surprise her," Steve scolded Bucky. "But since you mentioned it, I guess I'd better tell her."

"What are you talking about," you asked, feeling left out. Steve pulled his arm away and stood up, moving to go down the hallway.

"Steve found something of yours while we were cleaning. He found it when you'd gone to the bathroom," Sam joined, sitting up now and watching down the hallway for Steve.

You were interested now and you furrowed your brow, wondering what he could have found of yours in the music room. Soon Steve was back in the living room, holding something behind his back.

"Alright, close your eyes," he instructed. You gave them all a distrusting look before closing your eyes. You thought you heard whispering and a chuckle before something heavy was placed in your lap. You refrained from touching it until Steve told you to open your eyes again. You looked down and saw a big, tan book with crimson red letters scrawled across the front reading "The Book of Myths and Legends."

You stared at the book for a moment in disbelief. You almost doubted if it was your own book, it had been so long since you'd last seen it. Your head snapped up and you gawked at Steve. His usual charming smile crawled onto his face. You looked at Sam and then at Bucky, back to Steve and then finally down to the book once again.

"Is this..."

"I don't know, I've never seen it before," Steve laughed. "But we thought it might be the one you were looking for."

"Oh my God," you whispered, finally resting your hands on the cover. You traced the big cursive letters with your finger, recalling a thousand memories. You opened the front cover to reveal the first page. In big, purple letters was your name scribbled across the back of the front cover. You remembered writing it there so long ago in hopes of the little elf thieves seeing it and leaving the book alone.

You thought you felt tears well up in your eyes as you looked back to the boys. They were all waiting patiently for your response. You opened your mouth, but you just couldn't form words. There was an overwhelming feeling of happiness mixed with nostalgia in your chest and you could feel a lump forming in your throat.

"I think that might be her book," Bucky inquired.

You nodded furiously and sprung up from the couch. You practically leapt over the coffee table in order to hug Steve. He laughed and wrapped his arms around you, gently patting your back. You reached out awkwardly in both directions, trying to pull Bucky and Sam into the hug as well. They complied with smiles and laughs and you were soon squashed into a big group hug.

You tried to speak, but all of your words came out muffled in the fabric of Steve's shirt. The boys laughed at this and pulled away, giving you room to lift your head.

"You guys are the best," you smiled through happy tears. They all smiled back. Sam rubbed your shoulder with his thumb, Steve patted your back and Bucky ruffled your hair. You laughed and reached for your book, pulling it tightly to your chest.

You sighed heavily. "Now I'm kinda glad you messed up the music room, Bucky." The boys laughed loudly and you smiled.


	21. Chapter 21

"And this is the story that Kyle read to me that made me believe in little elves that stole things," you laughed as you pressed your finger to the page of your book. Steve and Sam looked over either of your shoulders to see the small pictures of elves making off with jewelry, trinkets and small treasures. Steve tugged the book's edge as a silent request to hold it and you handed it off to him. He laughed as he read the passage aloud, Sam listening intently.

The day had slipped away from the three of you after you'd opened the book. You spent most of the time reading the passages to the boys, explaining what each one meant to you. Kyle had read them to you one at a time as a child and would make up stories for each creature. You were fond of the little tales and wanted to explain each and every one of them to Sam and Steve.

Now that Steve was holding the book, you stood and let Sam scoot over so they could look at it together. You smiled as they read the book, Steve aloud with Sam following along. They looked like children and it warmed your heart.

"I'm gonna go hop in the shower, I'll come back down when I'm done," you announced and trekked up the stairs. You heard them make quick mumbling noises of affirmation and you giggled to yourself. _That was definitely me as a kid, always lost in that book._

When you turned the corner in the hall, the first thing you noticed was Bucky's door wide open. You gave it a curious look, thinking, _I didn't think Bucky was up here this early._ He typically only went to his room at night if he planned to shut himself in or go to bed. You approached and slowly peeked your head in to see if he was there.

"Bucky?"

You watched his long hair fall around his face as he looked up at you. He was sitting cross-legged on his bed, a blanket pulled up over his shoulders. He appeared to have a book in his lap, but his arms blocked your view. You cocked your head and stepped into the doorway, leaning on the frame and crossing your arms.

"You don't usually get into bed at 8. You also don't ever leave your door open. You okay?"

He gave you a small smile and lifted the book from his lap. You squinted and recognized the picture of a rabbit on the front.

"I thought you wanted me to read it to you," you giggled, letting your arms fall as you straightened yourself.

"Yeah," he started, seeming more shy than normal. "I thought you forgot."

You smiled and shook your head, letting a faint laugh escape. "No, silly. I was just waiting for you to tell me you were ready for bed." You moved to his bed and put your hands on the footboard, leaning over slightly.

"Oh..well..would you read it to me? I'm only on page two."

"Of course I will," you giggled.

You took the book as he handed it to you. He leaned back onto the pile of pillows behind him and pulled the bed comforter over himself. You waited patiently for him to get comfortable, dragging the chair from the vanity over to his bedside. He smiled up at you, signaling that he was ready and you grinned back, opening the book.

"Will you start over? At the beginning?" Bucky's eyes gleamed with what you could only pin as excitement.

You gave him an endearing smile and patted his shoulder. "Anything for you," you joked and flipped the pages back to the beginning.

"'There was once a velveteen rabbit, and in the beginning he was really splendid.'"

"'...magic is very strange and wonderful, and only those playthings that are old and wise and experienced like the skin horse understand all about it. 'What is _real_?' asked the rabbit one day, when they were lying side by side near the nursery fender, before Nana came to tidy the room. 'Does it mean having things that buzz inside you and a stick-out handle?''" You glanced to Bucky and his eyes rested on his hands. He was moving his fingers around slowly, his real ones tapping on his metal ones.

"''Real isn't how you are made,' said the skin horse. 'It's a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but _really_ loves you, then you become real.''" You turned the page and Bucky's hand met your arm before you continued. He looked up at you and tilted your head, silently questioning him.

He opened his mouth a little, hesitated, and closed it again. He moved his hand and looked ahead again. You watched him for a moment before continuing.

"''Does it hurt?' asked the rabbit.

"''Sometimes,' said the skin horse, for he was always truthful. 'When you are real you don't mind being hurt.'

"''Does it happen all at once, like being wound up,' he asked, 'or bit by bit?'

"''It doesn't happen all at once,' said the skin horse. 'You become. It takes a long time. That's why it doesn't happen often to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don't matter at all, because once you are real you can't be ugly, except to people who don't understand.''"

You glanced down and saw that Bucky looked to be deep in thought. You didn't realize how long you'd been staring until he looked up at you.

"Why did you stop?"

"Are you okay? You look like something is bothering you," you asked gently.

He shrugged. "I don't know yet."

"Do you want me to keep reading?"

He smiled and chuckled out, "yes." He put his hand on yours again and rubbed his thumb over the back of your hand. "I like the story so far."

You gave him a small, gentle smile and continued.

"'...while he was playing, two rabbits crept out from the bracken and peeped at him. One of them was brown all over, but the other had strange markings under his fur as though long ago he had been spotted, and the spots still showed through. And about his little soft nose and his round black eyes there was something familiar, so that the boy thought to himself, 'why, he looks just like my old bunny that was lost when I had scarlet fever!' But he never knew that it really was his own bunny, come back to look at the child who had first helped him to be real.'"

You closed the book gently, with a final "the end." Your mind briefly wandered to your childhood, reminding you of what it was like being snuggled up in bed as you were being read to.

Bucky had kept the same thoughtful expression all throughout the story, and he was now sitting up, leaning against the headboard, staring at his hands. You could tell by the far-off look in his eyes that we wasn't paying attention to his hands. You were doubting if he had even heard the end of the story until he turned his head and stared at you. He seemed to still be thinking, his eyes focused on yours.

"[Y/N]," he started, his expression telling you that he was trying to find the right words. You watched him patiently. "This is a dumb question," he continued, looking down now. "But...well, do you think it's stupid for me to feel like the rabbit?"

You cocked your head. "What do you mean?"

"I want to be real. I mean, I know I'm technically real, but I want to _feel_ real."

You felt your face fall. Part of you felt broken-hearted that he felt that way, but another part of you could relate to what he was saying.

He leaned back and sighed. "Sometimes I feel like I'm not what I used to be. I know I'm not who I used to be. I want to remember who I was and go back. I don't want to be a recovering monster, I don't want to be a former asset, I don't want to be the Winter Soldier. I want to be James Buchanan Barnes."

"But you are," you argued.

"I'm not. I'm not the Winter Soldier and I'm not Bucky. I'm something in between, someone else."

You set the book down in the chair and moved to sit on the edge of the bed. You took his hands in yours and looked in his eyes as he lifted his head.

"I don't know if it means much, but to me you're Bucky. You're not someone else, you're not a soldier, you're not a monster. You're Bucky, you're my friend. I know it must be hard facing your past and living with it. But don't doubt who you are."

"I wish it was that easy," he sighed, looking down again. You opened your mouth to respond but he quietly pulled you into a hug before you could. "Thank you, [Y/N]. I know you're trying. I appreciate it."

You let out a small sigh and returned the hug, patting his back. "One day you'll feel real, I promise," you whispered. You felt his head nuzzle into your neck and his hair tickled you. You smiled to yourself and tightened your hug. _I'll make sure you feel real, don't worry._


	22. Chapter 22

**[Not From Reader's POV]**

Bucky tossed in the bed restlessly. It had been weeks since she'd read the story to him, but he couldn't get it out of his head. With things back to normal and everyone back on a regular work schedule, Bucky knew he needed to get some sleep before his alarm clock read 4:30, but he just couldn't seem to keep his eyes closed.

Rolling over, he saw Velvet perched on the desk in the corner of the room.

"She must have left him in here the other night," Bucky mumbled to himself. Ever since that night with the Velveteen Rabbit, [Y/N] had been in Bucky's room frequently to read stories to him at night. She often brought Velvet with her. Bucky had thought it a little silly at first, but it had eventually grown on him.  
Sitting up and dropping his legs over the side of the bed, Bucky stretched. As he stood and gained his balance, he reached for Velvet. "Might as well return him since I can't sleep," he groaned, stretching once more.  
He stepped lightly all the way to [Y/N]'s room, not wanting to wake anyone with the incredibly squeaky floorboards. With Kyle, Tony and Wanda back, he knew he had to be extra careful as they all seemed to sleep lighter than Sam and Steve did.  
Pressing his ear to her door to check if she was awake, Bucky heard light breathing. He turned the doorknob very slowly and pushed forward as carefully as he could. To his surprise, her door didn't creak at all. He smirked, thinking that maybe she oiled the hinges so she could sneak out. He knew it was a long shot, but he liked to imagine [Y/N] having a secret rebellious side.

He moved inside quickly but quietly, closing the door just as softly as he'd opened it. With Velvet in hand, he tiptoed over to [Y/N]'s bed and very carefully placed the stuffed rabbit in the pillow next to [Y/N] where he'd always seen it.

Straightening himself, he looked at [Y/N]'s sleeping frame snuggled up in her too-big comforter. He couldn't help but smile. "You're too cute, [Y/N]," he whispered fondly, leaning over and placing the smallest of kisses on her cheek.

Rubbing his eyes and trying not to yawn too loudly, Bucky turned to leave the room. He was inches away from the door when he heard [Y/N] rolling over in her bed.

"Bucky..?" she mumbled, still half asleep. He froze and silently chastised himself for getting caught. "What are you doing up this early," she asked innocently, her voice groggy.

Bucky turned around and smiled sweetly. He moved back to her bedside and squatted so that he was eye level with her. "I was just returning Velvet. You left him in my room," he said softly, pushing his hair out of his face.

[Y/N] smiled sleepily and looked to her left, seeing Velvet sitting on the pillow. She scooped him up in her arms and hugged him to her chest tightly. "Thank you," she smiled again before yawning and making herself comfortable.

Bucky stood, tucking [Y/N] in gently. She grinned up at him, wiggling slightly to make the job harder. He chuckled and tucked her in again, making sure he tucked a little tighter this time. Before he could turn to leave, [Y/N] got an arm free of the comforter and patted the bed next to her. Bucky cocked his head and watched her face.

"Come lay with me," she pleaded, almost in a whining tone. Bucky shook his head and chuckled again.

"You need to get some sleep," he gently argued. He crossed to the other side of her bed anyway, sitting on the edge and turning so that he could see her.

[Y/N] pouted, patting the bed again. "Just for a minute."

Bucky rolled his eyes playfully before giving in and laying next to her. He rolled onto his side, partly to face her and partly because his large frame wouldn't allow for him to lay flat without pushing [Y/N] off the bed. She mimicked his action, rolling onto her side to face him. Giving him a big, sleepy smile, she closed her eyes and yawned again.

"Why did you want me to lay with you?" Bucky asked in a low voice.

"Because I felt lonely," she whispered back, still sounding half asleep and as innocent as ever.

"Maybe because you left Velvet on my desk," Bucky chuckled, reaching up to ruffle her hair.

"Yeah but still," she giggled, nearly beaming at the touch of his hand on her head.

Bucky didn't respond but instead ran his fingers through her hair slowly. It wasn't but a minute before she was asleep again and he smiled endearingly at her. He stayed in the bed for another ten minutes before deciding that she was really asleep.

"Goodnight, doll," he breathed, his voice barely audible. Very carefully, he pulled his hand away from her head and wedged it between his side and the mattress. Lifting himself up, he was about to turn over when he felt a hand on his bicep.

"Nooo," she whined quietly, her eyes not even open. He looked back at her and she was laying in the exact same position she had been. The only thing that had moved was her arm. If she hadn't said anything, Bucky might have believed she wasn't even awake.

Quietly sighing, Bucky lowered himself again and tucked his right arm underneath [Y/N]'s pillow. His metal arm lay by his side and he dropped his head onto the pillow where Velvet normally sat.

"Guess I'm staying here then," he mumbled, trying to relax at the thought of staying in [Y/N]'s bed. He saw a tiny smile creep onto her face before he closed his eyes.

Bucky hadn't realized how easy it was to sleep near [Y/N] until he woke up and saw that her clock read 3:47 AM. He didn't remember going to sleep, only that he closed his eyes and now it was nearing time for the whole house to wake up. Deciding it better to leave before anyone caught him sleeping in [Y/N]'s bed, Bucky slowly pulled his arm out from under her pillow.

[Y/N] stirred in her sleep at the movement, wrapping her arms around Bucky's waist and pressing her face into his chest. Bucky cursed silently, running his now free hand through his hair.

"Alright, [Y/N], you're gonna have to let go," he whispered softly, wrapping his fingers around her arms to try and pry her off. She mumbled and groaned in her sleep, repositioning so that her face was right in front of Bucky's. If he so much as breathed too hard, he knew she would feel it.

Bucky closed his eyes for a moment, trying to think of a plan that didn't involve outright waking [Y/N]. Sighing, he went for trying to pry her off again.

"Come on, doll, let go."

When he looked at her face again, he was surprised to see her eyebrows scrunched up. "Nuh uh," she groaned, shaking her head.

"What?"

"Nuh uh, I don't like that," she mumbled, pushing her face into his chest. Her grip on his got tighter and he sighed.

"What don't you like?"

"'Doll.' I don't like when people call me that, it makes me feel fragile," she huffed.

Bucky chuckled, ruffling her hair before pulling at her arms again. "It's just a pet name. I don't think any less of your strength just because I called you 'doll.'"

"Yeah but it still makes me feel weird," she sighed, finally releasing the behemoth that lay in front of her. He smiled and kissed the top of her cheek, right on the scar that was there. He still felt awful about cutting her face, so if he got the chance he would give the scar a little kiss. And, as per the usual, [Y/N] scrunched her nose and giggled at the little gesture.

"Come on, let me up," he said again, his voice soft. [Y/N] groaned one more time before finally pushing away from him so he could get up. She rolled herself up in the comforter when Bucky stood. "It's getting close to time for everyone to wake up anyway," he pointed out, straightening his shirt and stretching.

"Uuuuuugh, I don't wannaaaa," [Y/N] moaned, rolling onto her stomach and burying her face in the pillows.

"This coming from the girl that barges into my room every morning to get me up," Bucky laughed. He circled around to the side of the bed she was on and ruffled her hair one more time.

"Yeah, and I'm probably gonna have to do it again," she grumbled into the pillow.

"I didn't hear you, and it's probably better that way," Bucky chuckled. "Good luck getting back to sleep, doll." With that, he was at the door, pulling it open quietly.

"Bucky," [Y/N] warned, rolling over just in time to see him wink at her and shut the door. Bucky heard her groan loudly and flop back onto the bed. Smiling to himself, pulled his hair out of his face and went back into his own room, laying on the bed and looking at the clock. 4:00 AM.

"Just enough time to go back to sleep," Bucky mumbled, rolling over and closing his eyes.


	23. Chapter 23

"Hey, someone's gotta run to town today," Kyle called from the kitchen window. You set the kitten you were holding down and moved to the open window. "They're gettin' big, maybe we should look into gettin' rid of 'em."

"Not the orange one!" You heard Wanda shout from the living room. You giggled to yourself as Kyle rolled his eyes. Bucky and Steve rounded the corner on the porch and you gave them a little wave before turning back to your father.

"What are we going to town for?"

"This grocery list has gotten outta hand, someone's gotta go get this stuff. And we need to get to paintin' the porch before August or else it'll be too damn hot out," he remarked. You'd both been putting off painting the porch for over a year, but now that the original coat was almost all chipped away Kyle knew it had to be done. And what better time now that there were many more helping hands around.

"I assume you don't want to go and that's why you brought it up," you smiled and crossed your arms over your chest, knowing you were right.

"You haven't been to town in a while, you should go and say hi to everybody," Kyle smiled back.

"You going somewhere?" Steve butted in. _He's like a little puppy,_ you thought to yourself, giggling at the idea.

"I guess I am," you shrugged.

Suddenly Kyle shoved a long list through the open window. "There's the shoppin' list. Good luck." And with that he disappeared further into the house.

"You're not going by yourself, are you?" Steve frowned.

"I usually go alone," you laughed. "It's not a big deal."

"We can go," Bucky suggested. He saw your face change to quizzical. "I mean...can we go?"

You laughed and moved to the screen door before giving them a quick smile. "Be ready in twenty minutes. If you're not in the car by then, I'm off without you."

* * *

"So, you've never been to a beach before either?"

You smiled and glanced into the rear view mirror as you drove. Bucky was scrunched into the back seat while Steve rode in the passenger seat. While Bucky had pouted for the first ten minutes of the ride, he quickly relaxed and joined Steve in the barrage of questions they had for you.

"Nope, never been to a beach before," you laughed, meeting Bucky's eyes briefly before looking back to the road.

"Alright, so let's go over the list again," Steve laughed, sticking out his fingers to count on. "You've never been to a beach, you've never ridden a roller coaster, you've never been to a concert, you've never left the country, you've never been on a plane, you've never kissed anyone and you've never been on a real date. Is that all of them?" Steve looked at his seven extended fingers as if he could be forgetting something.

Bucky laughed from the backseat, "she's never been camping."

"Hey, I didn't say that I've never been camping," you retorted with a laugh. "I said I've never been out camping somewhere unfamiliar with all the stuff that goes with it. Like backpacking and hiking and all that."

"We should go!" Steve's huge grin took up half of his face as he made the suggestion. You rolled your eyes with a giggle, but Bucky quickly poked his head between the seats.

"Can we? That sounds like fun." Bucky looked hopefully to Steve and then to you.

"Maybe," you said, emphasizing the word as much as you could. "It would depend on how much help Kyle needs on the weekend."

The boys cheered and you couldn't help but laugh again. _I hope this is what having kids is like._

* * *

You pulled into the parking lot of the little grocery store carefully. You hadn't been into town since your father had gone to pick up Tony and his team. There weren't many people in the small town that you cared to see, especially after dropping out of college, but you felt a slight wave a relief seeing the familiar blue Sedan parked near the dumpster.

"Marie is here," you thought aloud, smiling to yourself.

"Who?" You looked back to see a questioning look on Steve's face.

You laughed slightly and pointed to the Sedan. "Marie. She's the cutest little old lady I've ever met, and she's my favorite cashier. She's really sweet. Probably the only person in this town that actually cares about how I'm doing."

"We'll, I can't wait to meet her then," Steve smiled childishly.

"So where's this grocery list? How much are we here for?"

You giggled and pulled the long list out of the cupholder, passing it back to Bucky. "I think we'll be here a while. Especially since you two eat so much." You gave them a flashy smile before stepping out of the car and closing the door.

Bucky climbed out next and checked his sleeve over his left arm for the seventh time since leaving the house. "Buck, it's fine. No one can tell," Steve reassured his friend, closing his door last and moving around the car to where you two stood.

"You're good, Bucky. I would have told you by now if it was suspicious at all. Now come on, let's get inside before anyone recognizes me." You walked with your head slightly down, hoping the few people walking about in the streets weren't people that pick you out. You weren't big on chatting with the locals, especially considering the two behemoths behind you.

Just as you rounded the corner of the building, you looked up, stopped dead in your tracks, quickly stumbling back around the corner while taking Steve and Bucky with you.

"What are you doing?" Steve seemed concerned, moving to peer around the corner. You quickly pulled at him, trying to prevent him from poking his head around.

"Don't let him see you," you hissed, still pulling at the boys.

"Who?"

"The doctor," you hissed again. This got Steve's attention and you noticed his jaw clench.

"Who?" Bucky asked again, still confused.

" _That_ doctor," Steve said coldly. You flinched at the sudden change in his attitude.

"Look, let's just go out to get the paint first and when we come back he'll be go-"

"[Y/N], was that you I saw over there?" The doctor's voice came from around the corner. You froze like a deer in headlights, Steve tensed and Bucky remained confused.

Dr. Johnson rounded the corner and saw you first. "Oh, it is you-" He stopped short when he noticed the looming shadows of the super soldiers. "Oh," he picked up flatly. " _You_."

"Dr. Johnson," Steve said, his voice on the edge of annoyance and monotone.

"[Y/N]. I didn't realize there were two of these men around. Does the dark one hit you too?"

You sighed, closing your eyes in frustration. You could practically feel the heat from Steve, who you knew was probably seething.

"Excuse me, who hits [Y/N]?" You nearly forgot that Bucky would also react. But the problem was that you didn't know _how_ he would react.

"Tall, blond and abusive over there. I find it very hard to believe any of the story I was given about your shoulder. And while I do trust Kyle's judgment, I also believe that everyone makes mistakes on occasion."

You felt the tension rise, genuinely afraid of what might be brewing in minds of your super friends. "Look, doctor, I don't think now is the time to-"

"No, [Y/N]. Let him continue. I'm curious about what he thinks we've done to you." Bucky's voice was sinister.

"Another telling sign of domestic violence. Giving orders."

"Dr. Johnson, we really don't appreciate being forced into your sick fantasy that you've built about us. So if you would kindly be on your way," Steve seethed. His tone was nearly as frightening as Bucky's.

You hadn't looked behind you yet, but you were afraid to. _No, guys, this isn't how you handle things here,_ you shouted in your head, willing them to hear your thoughts. _Why couldn't you have been mind readers!?_

"I see we have a problem, boys. [Y/N], perhaps you should go back home to Kyle. Someone that I know wouldn't hurt you." Dr. Johnson's glasses reflected the sunlight briefly, and behind the light was a dark look that you'd never seen from him before. _Who is this man?_

"I'm starting to think this guy is looking for a fight, Steve."

"I think you're right, Buck."

 _Steve, what the fuck has gotten into you!?_

"I think you two get plenty of fight out on poor [Y/N] here. Tell me, do you have any new bruises I need to know about?"

"No, Johnson, and I really don't appreciate you accusing my friends of something like this!" Your voice had finally returned to you with a force. "Please, just get out of here and let us go on with our day! Kyle is expecting us home soon and you stopping us like this sure hasn't been helpful," you barked out, hoping the force of your own voice would finally shake him off.

You'd earned yourself a glare, but the doctor seemed to let it go. He huffed and turned his back on the three of you, making his way across the parking lot. Although not without shouting over his shoulder that he would be calling your father about this encounter.

You let the doctor get a respectable distance away before whirling around with a loud "what the fuck has gotten into you two?" As your head turned and the words left your mouth you realized that there was no one behind you. "...guys?" As you stood for a moment, you could hear the sound of something beating on metal and let your shoulders drop in frustration.

Moving to the back of the building, Steve came into view. You watched as he wailed on the large dumpster, rage fueling his attacks.

"Steve, where did Bucky go?"

Steve hit the dumpster hard enough to move it across the back lot. He huffed angrily and stood up straight, stretching his muscles before turning to you. He rubbed one of his temples and huffed again, still trying to release his anger. Suddenly a large tree trunk came flying into the parking lot from the forest edge behind the building. You let your face fall into your hands. _Found him._


	24. Chapter 24

"I just don't appreciate being accused of-"

"Yeah, I got it Steve, you've said it already. But no matter what, you two are not supposed to be making a scene and drawing attention to -oh, I don't know- you're incredible strength and superhuman abilities?!"

You sat in the driver's seat, eyes on the road but mind still stuck on the altercation that had happened earlier. Bucky and Steve were both crammed in the back seat as punishment and you could see how they fit like uncomfortable sardines packed in a can through the rearview mirror.

"He accused us of hurting you, how are we supposed to react?" Steve argued. He had taken the time while you were in the grocery store to gather his common sense and rationalize his actions while Bucky was still silently fuming.

"I understand that it was upsetting, but you just can't-"

"We're sorry, [Y/N], but you have to realize where we're coming from. Years of fighting and arguing and living with Tony have taken their toll when it comes to interactions and so when things like that man get in the way, we don't handle it like normal people."

"And _you_ need to understand that not only are you here to hide from that life, you're also in a small town where news travels fast. Particularly gossipy news. About strangers." You weren't letting up on your argument at all. You knew that Kyle had some serious repairing to do because of that small verbal slap-fest and that the boys wouldn't be able to go into town again any time soon.

Steve didn't retaliate that time. You glanced into the rearview mirror to see Bucky glaring at his lap and Steve looking out the window. Their faces looked like stone with frowns permanently carved into them. You sighed quietly and turned your attention back to the road. This car ride was much quieter than the ride to town and you dreaded the idea of twenty minutes in a silent car.

Minutes passed in silence and you felt yourself getting restless. You glanced at the broken radio sadly. _Still need to get Kyle to fix that,_ you thought. You let your eyes wander briefly to the rearview mirror. You jumped and averted your eyes quickly at the sight of Bucky's deep glare right on you.

 _Oh shit._ You felt goosebumps rising on your arms, the hairs on your neck standing on end. _Why is he looking at me like that?_ You suddenly found it difficult to focus on the road. His piercing gaze set deep in the semi-dark circles around his eyes was enough to haunt anyone. It seemed like a look of sheer anger. _So why is he looking at_ me _that way..?_

You glanced back into the mirror and saw that he was still boring holes in the back of your head. You noticed that Steve was still gazing out the window and hadn't seemed to notice his friend's disturbing glare. Your eyes darted between the road and the mirror; you wanted to make it home safe one way or another, whether that meant avoiding a wreck or avoiding a super soldier. You tried to look for any other sign that Bucky wasn't quite Bucky, but all he was doing was staring. His eyes were set on you, but he wasn't doing anything else. _Hell, he's barely even blinking,_ you thought, still trying to process. _Maybe he's not going into super soldier mode. Maybe this is actually him -actually Bucky- angry._

It wasn't long before you'd made it to the stretch of dirt road that the ranch was down. There was still ten minutes between you and the beginning of your driveway, and from there five minutes until you reached home. You glanced back one more time before turning your eyes back to the road. You didn't want to stop; you wanted to be home as soon as possible. You got a sinking feeling in your stomach and you realized that you really just wanted to be away from these two. With Steve smarting off and Bucky glaring daggers, you'd never wanted to be away from them more than now. In fact, you'd never really wanted to be away from them before.

You weren't sure of what was happening behind you, but you thought you could still feel the steely eyes on the back of your neck, so you finally broke the silence.

"Steve."

"Yes?" You could hear his response fully, so you knew he'd turned his head. You didn't respond, assuming he would see Bucky and take it from there. There was a long silence before you heard one or both of them begin moving in the back seat. It sounded like maybe one of them was readjusting, but you didn't want to look. The look on Bucky's face and the thought of seeing it again was enough to keep your eyes glued to the tunnel of trees ahead of you.

When you finally pulled up to the house, you put the car in park and decided to stay seated for a minute. You listened as Bucky climbed out quickly, slamming the car door behind him. Only now did you notice that he hadn't even worn his seatbelt. A small thing to pay attention to, but for some reason it bothered you a little.

Steve unbuckled himself and sat with you for a few moments in silence before getting out to follow his friend. You felt awkward in the quiet car and it was extremely uncomfortable. It felt as if they had left the bad vibes with them when they'd gotten out. This wasn't a feeling you'd really had around the boys before and it was slowly eating away at you.

You pulled the keys out of the ignition and finally got out of the car. You hadn't seen where Steve and Bucky went so you decided to go straight inside. Opening the front door, you found Wanda and Sam sitting in the living room. They both turned to look at you and you suddenly felt like you wanted to melt into the floor.

"Hey, [Y/N]. What took so long?" Wanda smiled.

"Do Steve and Bucky need help getting the groceries?" Sam joked, peering around you and out the door.

"They aren't getting them," you said flatly. "I don't know where they went."

The expressions on their faces dropped and they looked at you with concern. "Is everything okay?"

You shook your head and turned to try and avoid questions. "I'm fine, but they need some time to themselves. I'll let them tell you what happened when they come back. In the meantime, I could use a hand with the groceries." You didn't want to sound so blunt and rude, you just wanted to get everything inside and then go out and ride or just spend some time by yourself. Between the doctor and the way the boys reacted, you weren't in much of a people mood and it was showing.

As you made the trips between the car and the kitchen you thought sullenly to yourself. You hoped that Steve could get Bucky out of the weird state he was in before anyone else saw him, especially Kyle. You were still worried that Bucky might have been losing control of himself but even if he had been, he managed to keep it together in the car. At least out in the fields he could throw a tantrum and with Steve by his side you felt it best to just leave them alone.

Carrying the groceries, you made a point to avoid eye contact with Sam and Wanda. There seemed to be a stand-offish vibe radiating off of you because they were quick to step out of your way and get around you. It bothered you that you were acting this way, but you weren't sure of what to do about it other than spend some time alone. _A ride out to the forest line usually fixes stuff like this_ , you assured yourself.

When all of the groceries were brought inside and put away, you asked Wanda to let Kyle know that you'd made it home. Before she could respond, you were out the back door and on your way to the stables.


End file.
